Exploration Place

Grandma Mary surprised us this afternoon with a trip for all the grandkids to Exploration Place. We all had a blast. It's exciting to see Olivia's interests blossom since our last trip there.

Where there's a water table. . .there's Olivia, although she wasn't nearly as excited to play in it as she was last time we went.

Giddy-up, Olivia

She loved playing in the kitchen and helping mommy eat some yummy food.

All of the cousins weighing in on each other.

She found a slide. . .and didn't care that it was part of a stomach in the Grossology section.

Their favorite part, however, was running the vet clinic.

" I need an IV in room 5. . .STAT!"

A long day at the office

Playing with blocks. . .a great way to end a great day!

Tuesday, June 1, 2010 - Update

Olivia has grown up so much in the last few weeks. I feel like we're de-baby-proofing the house as we threw away all of her bottles, packed up her high chair, took the padding off the coffee table, put away a lot of old "baby" toys, etc. Today, she came up to me and said she wanted to try to peepee in the potty and that's exactly what she did. So, we might start potty training sooner than I thought. She had a brief peak of interest a few months ago, but hasn't shown much since.

She's also starting to show interest in changing her babies' diapers. Every time I change her, I also have to change baby's and duck's and otter's, etc diapers. And, we can't just change their diaper. . .we have to use wipes too. Of course, I can't put the same diaper back on them either. . .I have to get a new one. Boy, I'm going to have to buy some doll diapers. I did save some of her preemie and newborn diapers for this very reason. Olivia LOVES her birth size doll. It wasn't intended to be a toy for her. . .more of a keepsake, so she knows that she has to be very gentle with it. In the above picture, she carefully put the doll on her bed, covered her up and informed me that she was sleeping. She knows this doll is very special.

Remembrance

We remember all of those who have fought for our freedom. We remember those who gave the ultimate sacrifice. We also remember on this day, our amazing son Logan. It's easy, as time goes on, for others to forget that we lost a son, but it's often at the forefront of our minds. We still ache with sadness. We still weep in pain. He will always be our miracle and beloved son. Please take a moment to remember all who are dear to you. . .those that are with you and those you have lost.

A Look Back

Sept 2007
Dec 2007

March 2008

June 2008

Sept 2008

Dec 2008

March 2009

June 2009

Sept 2009

Dec 2009

March 2010

(almost) June 2010

Saturday, May 29, 2010 - Update

There are so many things that cannot be conveyed through the blog. One such thing is how sweet Olivia is. She literally epitomizes the word. She's also very tiny. As she approaches 3 years old, she is still hovering around 23 lbs. I don't worry about it nearly as much. I figure that I'm doing the very best that I can and if that's not enough than someone (like a doctor) will have to help me. Olivia is also very active. That's the first thing people notice about her. . .that she is very busy. She starts gymnastics next week for this very reason. She's very social and loves to be around people. I don't think there is a shy bone in her body even though me and her dad have ample amounts of shyness. When I see Olivia, I often say "Hi baby!" I never realized I did that until I started noticing Olivia walking up to people and saying "Hi Baby!" She doesn't understand when I tell her that it may not be appropriate. And, last but not least. . .I cannot tell you how funny she is. She has this hilarious personality and just wants to make people laugh. When she sings songs in her cookie monster/gremlin voice, I don't think I've ever laughed so hard. When she hears a doorbell, she asks, "Are the boys home?" She loves to talk about boys. . should I be worried? :) Olivia seems to win the hearts of everyone she meets and I thoroughly enjoy being her mom.

Thursday, May 27, 2010 Update

I am finally able to post pictures more easily, so I thought I'd post a couple. Olivia has become very particular about what she wears. Izzy is going through a similar stage so I figured we'd have a few months before Olivia went through it. . . apparently not. Olivia will not wear dresses or capris. I think she is confused about whether capris are supposed to be pants or shorts. She will not wear jean shorts. And, she's at the point where she can take most clothes off, so it's hard to keep things on her that she doesn't want to wear. I can understand why she doesn't like certain clothes, but others are surprising. Sometimes I just have to let her pick something out. Some days, we don't match all that well but, if she's happy. . .I'm happy too.

Funny Story

Today, Olivia and I were outside and I asked if she wanted to go for a walk. Then, I asked her if she wanted to walk or get her stroller. She doesn't want to ride in her stroller much anymore, so I was surprised when she got excited about it. We went inside to get her stroller and Olivia took off down the hallway. She then came barreling towards the door pushing her baby in her baby stroller. She thought I meant THAT stroller! I didn't have the heart to dissapoint her, so we went for a walk with Olivia pushing her own baby. When did she go from being a baby in a stroller to pushing her own? She is still talking about how fun it was. :)

Last Thought

Please don't think I'm losing my faith in God. That is unwavering. I think you gain a deeper understanding of things when you ask questions and you delve deeper into the issues that you're struggling with. I am exceedingly blessed. So blessed that I'm scared to lose the things that I cherish so deeply. I'm scared for others to lose those things as well. At the same time, I know those things in life aren't what ultimately matters. When you accept Jesus as your Lord and Savior who died on the cross for your sins to pave the way for your eternity in heaven. . .that is what matters. That doesn't mean that life still isn't hard. You can be angry. You can be human. That's how I've felt lately and I am blessed to be able to share that with all of you and gain your feedback. You all mean a lot to me and have helped me through many difficult times. My hope is that everyone has that support system too. Much love to you all!

More Thoughts. . .

I'm still upset about the news I received yesterday. I didn't sleep hardly at all last night and was up thinking about Tripp and his family. There is something fundamentally wrong with a child having cancer. After watching my own children fight for their lives in the NICU, I developed this belief that they were fighting the hardest that they will ever have to fight. The rest of their lives would be "smooth sailing." I've held fast to this belief that Olivia will never know the pain of losing a child or have to fight as hard as she did when she was born. She deserves to live a fulfilling and wonderful life devoid of anything causing her turmoil and pain. She has been through enough. Now, I know my belief is severely lacking in probability because God never promises us that life will be easy. That belief was quickly dispelled when I figured out getting pregnant wouldn't come easy. But, for some reason I can get through each day knowing that the worst is behind us. Then, I learn about Tripp, a 23 weeker just like Olivia, who is diagnosed with cancer. The news just affected me in a way that I cannot explain. That is not supposed to happen. Not to such good people who have already been through a lot. It just shakes me to the core and leaves me wondering what to cling to. It's hard to believe that God always wants what is best for us when you have to watch your children barely hang onto life in an incubator or hold your 1 month old deceased son in your arms for the first and last time or watch someone you love fight against cancer or. . .the list goes on and on. It's easy to forget what life is really about and I guess that's where I'm at. I want to teach my daughter that life is good and carefree, but how do you do that when there is so much suffering in the world? I don't know. I just don't know.

Please Pray!!!

I really need to ask all of you for some prayers. As you know, the 23 weeker and micropreemie community is pretty tight. . .we all support each other because we know how hard our kiddos had to fight. I met an amazing family while in the NICU with 23 week twins born a month after mine named Tripp and Trinity. Tripp gave Olivia a run for her money in the NICU! I think he even went home before 105 days (Olivia's stay.) Olivia had her strabismus surgery the same day as Trinity. I enjoyed seeing them both at the March for Babies last month and they are an amazing family!!

I found out tonight. . .I can barely type it. . .but, Tripp was diagnosed with cancer. I believe it is neuroblastoma. I don't think I have ever cried so hard for a child who was not my own. As a 23 weeker, he has already fought so hard. Why would God place cancer in his path? And, for a child to have to go through chemotherapy??? I already know what this family has had to go through and now. . .to go through this seems unimaginable!!! Please ask God to cover this family with his mercy and peace and to help this little boy fight this huge fight ahead of him. He's already proven that he is one of the strongest of fighters. Please, please pray for this family and leave your comments here. I will make sure that they get them.

Monday, May 24, 2010 - Update

I am such a big girl!

Why, you ask? For the first time EVER, she did amazing at her eye appointment. Usually, she starts screaming/crying the second that she catches a glimpse of her doctor. Olivia and I talked a lot about this appointment and how important it is to be a big girl. We talked about not crying and letting the doctor look in her eyes. We talked about the light being like a firefly. Grandma Sailing came along and talked to her about being a big girl. We brought along her trusty sidekicks, Gogum and Lily. I don't know if all of that worked or if she just decided that the eye doctor might be okay, but she did awesome. You could tell that she was a little apprehensive and she cried just a bit when he turned the light off, but. . .wow. She even said hi to him and snuck in a smile or two. She has never done that. I was so proud of her. . .I was beaming! Maybe we can stick with the ophthalmologist after all.

I thought I'd better write an update tonight. I have just been busy loving life and feeling blessed. Olivia is doing well, although she has an awful cough right now. It breaks my heart listening to her try to sleep while coughing uncontrollably. Luckily, she is acting fine otherwise so I hope this passes quickly. Today, we got ready to head over to my parents' house to see their new swingset when I noticed that my rear tire was completely flat. So, that's a migraine, a kidney stone and a flat tire in the same week. :) We had to unexpectedly deal with that today and luckily the tire could be patched. We did get to spend some time over at my parents' house and Olivia was the first to try out the new swingset. Izzy later joined her and they had a blast in the backyard.

Please pray for Olivia tomorrow because she has another eye appointment. I'm hoping to soon switch her over to an optometrist (instead of an ophthalmologist.) Dr. W. is the only pediatric ophthalmologist in town, but Olivia just doesn't like him at all which makes the checkups that much more traumatizing. We would still need him if Olivia has to have another strabismus surgery, but I'm hoping the checkups can be with an optometrist. I actually have an appointment with one this week and I'm going to talk to her about taking Olivia as a patient. But, for now. . .wish us luck.

Thursday, May 20, 2010 - Update

My mama finally feels better!

Wow, let's put the last few days behind us. :) I never thought that I would be the kind of person to have a kidney stone. I thought most of them were because of too much calcium and if anything, I don't get enough. Weird. On the plus side, I now feel like I'm part of a kidney stone club, ya know, with people who can commisserate with you and talk about how bad the pain is. Even the ER doctor acted like I had won some kind of prize. . ."Congratulations, it's a kidney stone." We were all just glad it wasn't appendicitis. As you can tell, I don't have much else to talk about since migraines and kidney stones have been the focal points of my week. Hmm. . .I wonder if they're related? Feel free to leave your kidney stone stories in the comments section and you too can feel like part of the club. LOL. I can laugh about it now. :)

Wednesday, May 19, 2010 - Update

This has definitely not been my week. First, I get a debilitating migraine that left me bed-ridden for most of the day yesterday. Tonight, I ended up in the ER because of severe pain in my abdomen. After a CT scan, they found that I have a kidney stone. I got home from the ER at 1 am after a relatively short visit and now I just wait for the stone to pass. Thankfully, it's relatively small in size. And they gave me pain meds, although they say the most painful part of it passing through the ureter has already occurred. Now, I'm headed off to bed in hopes that I'll wake up and this awful week will be over.

Tuesday, May 18, 2010 - Update

After 16 hours, I'm finally getting some relief from a horrendous migraine. I've never had one this bad before. . .I don't know what was worse; the headache or the nausea. It has been so bad that it makes me wonder if I have ever truly had a migraine before. Time has a way, however, of making you forget pain. Thankfully, Granmda Mary came and picked Olivia up around 11 am and Ryan brought her home after work. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. So, I had the whole day to spend in the quiet darkness of my room with my faithful kitty. Autumn didn't leave my side all day. She is such an awesome companion. I have to say that I missed my little girl today even though I needed the time to myself. I really really missed her though. So, why didn't I go to the doctor? From what I understand, because of a medication that I am currently on, I can't take most migraine medications. I'm stuck with the over the counter stuff that rarely does anything. After this last migraine, however, I think I'm going to have to talk to my doctor about doing something different. It's such a panicky feeling not knowing when the pain will strike or how long it will last. But, I am finally feeling a bit better and I hope I don't have another one of these for a long, long time.

Just Pictures

I found Spiderman!!

??Feel free to submit captioning ideas here??

Sunday, May 16, 2010 - Update

My parents recently bought a swingset for their backyard to be enjoyed by their two granddaughters. Of course, it comes in a million pieces and my dad is in the process of building it. But, what do you do when you have a slide, but no swingset to attach it to? Why. . .you put it on the stairs, of course. :)


Their stairs are even the right size for the slide. The girls had a blast sliding down about a million times. Olivia doesn't hold on to the sides, though, so she flies down about 100 mph and I mean flies!! I'm nervous about when this slide goes up outside. She is fearless!

Here is Izzy holding on to the sides.

No hands for Olivia, though. Don't let this picture fool you. She was going so fast, there is no way she landed on her feet.

Saturday, May 15, 2010 - Update

I am thinking about putting Olivia in a gymnastics class this summer. It would really be good for her sensory needs (she loves constant movement)and hopefully would help her learn to wait in line, listen to instructions, etc. Luckily, the parent attended classes last until she is 3, which won't be until the end of summer. I'm not ready to put her in a class by herself. Now, I just have to figure out whether to put her in class at the Y or at Acrobatic Academy. We have been thinking about joining the Y this summer to go swimming and if I have to pay for that anyway, it would be cheaper to take the class at the Y. If we don't join the Y, it would be cheaper to take it at Acrobatic Academy. Not sure what we're going to do, but summer is almost upon us, so I'd better decide, huh?

Hair

So, for Mother's Day, Ryan surprised me with a new flat iron! You see, my hair is pretty thick and hard to straighten. The last time I got my hair cut, I asked my stylist what kind she uses. . .because it straightened my hair quickly. She said she uses one called u smooth that I had never heard of, but she would be able to order me one at cost. It was too expensive (although not much more than my chi. . .which I have never liked.) I later told Ryan about my plan to save up money each month to buy my new flat iron. Little did I know, Ryan was saving up HIS money and ordered me one for Mother's Day. Isn't that sweet? I got it tonight and had to try it out. Ryan doesn't understand why this one is better than my other one, so I actually made him straighten a bit of my hair with my old one and then my new one. Sold. He now understands. :)

Speaking of hair, Olivia got her hair cut today. She went with her cousins again. And. . .she even sat in the chair this time! What a big girl! Thanks to Grandma and Aunt Kimmy for taking her. Okay, enough talk about hair. Hopefully, I can get some pictures of Olivia with her new hair cut and talk again about her.

I've got nothing. . .no interesting stories, no new pictures of Olivia. . .I'm a slacker, I know. But, we're all doing well and hope you are too. Have a wonderful day!

Autumn

I thought I would just give a small update on Miss Kitty. We usually call her that or simply kitty. I'm not even sure that she knows her real name is Autumn. But, she is doing great and has more love to give than any other cat I've ever met. She would literally snuggle with me all day if she could. She is definitely MY kitty. It makes me feel bad because I don't always have that much time to give. I'm busy with Olivia all day. . .who hates for me to be on the laptop. So, once I put Olivia to bed, Autumn and the laptop fight over my attention (which is the reason for the lack of posts lately.) Autumn still, however, is wary of people who come over to the house and usually runs and hides. Well, except if you're Olivia's Rainbows' teacher. . .Autumn is crazy about her. I think she must roll around in catnip before she comes over because Autumn won't leave her alone. Autumn still sleeps above my head every night. . .it wouldn't seem right without her there. She truly adds a lot to our little family and we're all so grateful for her. . .yes, even Ryan. :)

Happy Mother's Day

We celebrated Mother's Day today at my brother's house. I was lucky enough to celebrate with my daughter, my mother AND grandmother. Happy Mother's Day to all of you who wish to be mothers, who cannot be mothers, who soon will be mothers and who are mothers. May God bless all of you!

Olivia with Grandma and Grandpa Sailing

Izzy

Grandma Sailing and Olivia

Aww mom. . .don't brush my hair!

My cousin, David, and his little boy, Zachary.