Birthday/Father’s Day Celebration

Today, we celebrated Grandma Sailing’s birthday.  Since Father’s Day is tomorrow, we celebrated that as well with pizza, cake and outdoor fun. 

Grandpa Sailing

Olivia and Grandpa Sailing having a swinging good time.

Izzy is loaded and ready to fight!

Let the water fights begin!

Watch out Uncle Donnie!  Your daughter is gonna get you!

Watch out Grandma Sailing! 

Taking time out for a splash in the pool.

Olivia absolutely loved sliding down into the pool.

She could have done this all day.

But, they were ready for cake and ice cream.

Happy Birthday Grandma Sailing!

Friday, June 17, 2011

Eating and sleeping, eating and sleeping. . .two things that I’m finding great comfort in right now.  The sleeping is acceptable, but the eating I have got to get a grip of. . .being that I am diabetic.  I don’t know how many more cheeseburgers and fries and ice cream my body can handle.  But, for some reason it makes me feel better.  I tried to eat healthy when I was pregnant and now I’m sort of granting myself permission to eat horribly.  I will get back on track soon, though.  I promise.  Just as soon as I stop feeling sorry for myself.

I’m really doing okay.  I’m pretty down, but nothing more than most people feel under similar circumstances.  Miscarriage is unfortunately a very common occurrence.  It seems lately I have known many more people than usual who have suffered through one.  And my heart breaks for every one of them.  As you know, I would love to have another child.  I do, however, feel unbelievably blessed with the daughter that I have.  She is the light of our lives.  And, if I never get the privilege of having another child. . .I am more than blessed with what I have. 

But, I tell ya. . .the good news keeps rollin in for our family.  (I’m being sarcastic if you can’t tell.)  Ryan’s grandmother was taken to the hospital by ambulance last night.  She currently has some  blood clots that are being monitored and addressed.  Lots of prayers for her and her family. 

Thursday, June 16, 2011

This is one of those really hard posts to write and I’ve written many of those over the past few years.  Today was going to be the day.  I didn’t know yet how I was going to announce it, but I was finally going to let everyone know. . .that I was pregnant.  Would I post a sonogram picture? Maybe.  Put Olivia in her big sister t shirt? Possibly.  It all still seemed surreal to me.  We tried three years and almost a dozen fertility treatments to achieve my first pregnancy.  This time. . .it was a complete surprise.  What an amazing blessing among the many hardships of life!  God was giving me a second chance at being pregnant and I was so grateful.  I would hopefully be able to experience all that I missed the first time when my pregnancy was cut short.  Olivia was being given another sibling that she could grow up with. . .handpicked by her brother in heaven.  I was due in January.  Life began to make a little sense again.  Until today.

Ryan and I went to my OB appointment in hopes to hear the heartbeat for the first time.  Instead, we learned that we had lost the baby.  I am feeling pretty numb and angry.  Why would God surprise me with a pregnancy only to take it away?    I still struggle with why God gave me Logan only to take him away.   I don’t understand and can’t quite wrap my mind around it all.  I am devastated and heartbroken.  Yet, I am grateful.  I’ll never forget the morning when I got the positive pregnancy test and the joy of sharing it with the few people that we told.  It was such an unexpected and wonderful surprise.  I’ll never forget the belly shots that my husband took of me every Sunday to mark the beginning of another week.  I was just “barely” starting to show.  I’ll never forget my cravings for garlic parmesan buffalo wings. . .I could have eaten them every day.  And, I don’t even like buffalo wings.  I’ll never forget how Olivia would tell people that she was “going to be a big brother.”  She had no idea what was in store for her, but she would have been a great big sister.  Yet again, Olivia will pull us through this deep dark hole we’re in.  Somewhere in the midst of my confusion and anger. . .there is gratitude.  I never took a second of my pregnancy for granted.  I embraced it.  I rejoiced in it and I will forever remember my second pregnancy and all the hopes and dreams it carried.   I have my wonderful husband, my amazing daughter and a God who loves me (even when it feels like He doesn’t.)  I will be okay.

My last belly shot. . .

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

It cracks me up how young children think out loud.  For instance, I told Olivia that she didn’t need anymore toothpaste and she muttered, “I’m going to go get more toothpaste.”  Then, she looked at me like, “Did I just say that out loud?”  And, she is really into making up words.  We were looking out the window at Subway the other day and a water pipe was sticking up from the ground.  She said it was a tweetbelt.  And, the other day she said she wanted jam-o-rama for lunch (so I made her a peanut butter and jam-o-rama sandwich.)  She’s always cracking herself up with funny words.

I also wanted to ask for prayers for my mother-in-law who was admitted to the hospital yesterday with viral meningitis.  Please pray for a quick and full recovery.