Olivia met Great-Grandma Glunt for the first time.
Olivia's first snuggle with Aunt Kim.
I have been thinking a lot about Logan today and have just broken down into tears. Sometimes I try to push him to the back of my mind and then I feel guilty about doing so. I mean. . Olivia shouldn’t have a mom who is sad all of the time. But, sometimes I just miss him so much. I wonder what he would be like right now and I realize that I will always think that. As Olivia grows older and experiences every milestone in life. . .I’ll wonder what it would have been like for Logan. I still love him so much. At the same time, there is never a second where I am not grateful that I have my Olivia. I feel selfish sometimes for wanting to have them both. These emotions I feel everyday. . . .I just try to suppress them most of the time.
We did start Olivia on a 4 hour / ad lib feeding overnight. We want her to wake up on her own when she’s hungry. So far, we’ve had mixed results. . .we’ll see if we are able to keep up her calorie count. Usually at night, I stay up with her after her 10 pm feeding for quite awhile. We watch Nick@Nite together (don’t worry, as soon as she’s old enough to realize that she has a t.v. in her room. . .we are going to take it out. It’s just easier to move the t.v. into her room than to move her out of her room.) I’m sure pretty soon, however, she’ll be singing the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air song. Anyway, last night she went right to sleep at 10:30 pm and I put her back in her crib. You’d think that I would have relished the idea of going to sleep early, but I just sat in the recliner and waited for her to wake up. Finally at about 1:45 in the morning, I heard her stirring and couldn’t wait to get her up. Yes, I know. . .pretty weird. She likes to climb up my chest so that her head is nestled right under my chin. As much as I can’t wait to watch her grow up, I just treasure her right now as a baby.
Well, I thought everyone would like to see the next Christmas picture of a sweet 6 lb baby! Yep, we had another pediatrician appt this morning and Olivia was 6 lbs on the dot. What a big girl! Thanks to great aunt Sherri for her adorable hat and blanket. She also rolled over today! How many babies do you know that roll over before their due date? Of course, it had to be while daddy was changing her and I missed it. We don’t think it was an intentional thing, but she did it nonetheless. She rolled from her back onto her side and then took it the rest of the way onto her stomach. That tummy time is really paying off!
Things are really crazy around here as we try to get everything wrapped and ready for Christmas (and I try to manage a nap every now and then.) Olivia decided that she didn’t want to go to sleep last night unless she was laying on mommy. You’d never seen a baby in such a deep sleep! It broke my heart to wake her up to feed her. Ryan and I are going to try to feed her every 4 hours during the night to see how she does. Hopefully, we’ll still be able to get enough calories in her. I hope all of you are more prepared for Christmas than we are! I’m just glad that we have our precious baby home!
I wanted to share this poem with everyone. I’ve always loved it, but I can’t say that I ever truly related to it. The thought of the Lord carrying us through difficult times always sounded really comforting. I have always been blessed with a pretty “easy” life. I have two loving parents who always provided for me. I have a loving husband, family and friends. This past year has made me look at this poem in an entirely different light. If someone had told me all that I would have to endure this past year, I wouldn’t have been able to handle it. After I finished mourning the future that life held for me, I would have probably pictured myself in some dark corner somewhere. But, I am not in a dark corner. Despite everything that has happened, I still feel that God has blessed me. How can I be angry when He blessed me with such a wonderful daughter? This past year, He has truly carried me because there is no way I could have gotten through it myself.
Footprints in the Sand One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord.
Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky.
In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand.
Sometimes there were two sets of footprints, other times there were one set of footprints.
This bothered me because I noticed that during the low periods of my life,
when I was suffering from anguish, sorrow or defeat, I could see only one set of footprints.
So I said to the Lord, “You promised me Lord, that if I followed you,
you would walk with me always. But I have noticed that during the most trying periods of my life there have only been one set of footprints in the sand.
Why, when I needed you most, you have not been there for me?”
The Lord replied, “The times when you have seen only one set of footprints
I decided to let Ryan get a full night of sleep last night. It was an act of generosity that I regretted in the morning. . .well, no not really. My mom came over and rocked with her while I slept. It was wonderful. . .I actually even dreamed! She’s still doing well. Sometimes after her feedings, she starts crying inconsolably. The only thing that makes her stop is if I stand up, holding her upright and bounce with her. Of course, mommy can only do that for so long. Any idea if it’s gas or reflux or something else entirely? She’s here with me for the first time while I write this update. I hauled her in her bouncy seat with her monitor and oxygen into the office with me. She’s a very happy baby right now. Enjoy some more Christmas pictures courtesy of her Uncle Joel.
Sorry that I’m getting the update sent so late tonight. . .well, this morning since it’s past midnight. I fed Olivia her bottle at 10:00 pm and she just now decided it was time to go to sleep. Well, Olivia has pretty much figured out how to hold her own pacifier in, which makes life a little easier for us all. Earlier today, the adhesive patches on her face had come off. We thought it was her way of telling us that she was ready for Uncle Joel to come over and take her Christmas pictures. We should have put wings on her because she was a little angel during her photo shoot. What amazing pictures!! I couldn’t decide whether to wait and post them on Christmas or to post them now. There are so many wonderful pictures, I decided to post one every day until Christmas (or until I run out of pictures.) I couldn’t decide which order to post them either, so I’m just going to post them from beginning to end. Thank you, Joel, for the wonderful pictures. I will treasure them always. Thank you to Grandma Glunt for Olivia’s beautiful Christmas dress. Isn’t she an absolutely beautiful baby?
Thanks to my brother and dad for making those silly elves. My brother and sister-in-law came over today to hold Olivia for the first time. They had only seen her once, the day that Logan died, and she was all covered up. Olivia was even awake for their visit and showed them how well she can turn her head. My poor husband had to work a bit today. All of those weeks of only being able to work until 5 pm to go see his daughter has him feeling a bit behind. I’m still amazed at how he has been able to work throughout the past 4 months. He’s been a shining example of how husbands provide for their families. He even let me sleep in this morning. Olivia thought 1 am was play time, so I was up all morning with her. How can you put a bright-eyed, smiling girl back in her crib? I hear her stirring now. . .better go.
I unexpectedly gave birth at 23 weeks to micro-preemie twins on August 27, 2007. Olivia Paige weighed just 1 lb 1.5 oz and was 11.5 inches long. Logan William weighed just 1 lb 1.75 oz and was 11.5 inches long. Our sweet Logan passed away after 1 month and 1 day. After 105 days, we were able to bring Olivia home. She is our miracle, our survivor, our joy. . .
On November 20, 2012 we welcomed little sister, Abigail, into our lives. She was born at 35 weeks, but only spent 8 days in the hospital before coming home. We feel very blessed. To contact Ryan and Jodi you may email them at: firstname.lastname@example.org or email@example.com
You were the perfect little boy Of whom we always dreamed. Did you know we had your name picked out? All along or so it seemed.
You even had your daddy’s hands So miniature in size. In life we never got to hold you Or even see your opened eyes.
We had so many plans for you. Did you know you are a twin? I wanted you to grow up together. What a pair you would have been!
I wanted to take you to the park And push you on the swing. I wanted to teach you how to walk, And read and write and sing.
I wanted to show you a fire truck And let you ride upon a horse. I wanted to take you to the zoo To see the giraffes, of course.
I wanted you to watch cartoons And play video games with dad. And you and I would take a nap Oh, the times we would have had.
But, your mommy’s plans were not to be. “I have other plans,” God said. “You won't be playing in life’s playground You’ll be playing in heaven instead.”
And although I ache with sadness And in my arms I long to hold. I’ll see you again in heaven When my story on earth’s been told.
A thousand tiny fireflies Parading through the night Illuminate the starless skies With incandescent light They are miracles, here on earth So bold, so strong, so wise And bring to life a sense of worth For those who lack great size.
Some of this life’s smaller treasures Are the ones which matter more Than the larger joys and pleasures That we have grown to adore Volume is not as essential As the gift that lies inside Smaller souls with much potential Who shall never be denied.
A thousand tiny fireflies Parading through the night Illuminate the starless skies With incandescent light These children, while born premature Are testaments of worth Their spirits bold, their futures sure To ever bless the earth.