Saturday, May 10, 2008

Sunday, May 11, 2008 - Happy Mother's Day

My daughter, my hope, my dream come true. . .

Happy Mother's Day to my mother, mother-in-law and all of the other wonderful mothers out there. Thank you, mom, for always being there for me every second of every day for the past 30 years. I often wonder what truly makes a mother. In my eyes, giving birth does not make one a mother. The news is full of stories about women that are undeserving of the name. It's a feeling, a tenderness, a nurturing quality, and an unconditional love that I believe makes a mother. It's kind of hard to celebrate Mother's Day when I know so many people are out there suffering. In the past I often felt like a mother without children. . .with a dream that seemed to never come true. I thank God every day for Olivia. Words cannot express my love for her. She truly is my dream come true. I mourn for my son, Logan, who is not here to celebrate it with me. I mourn my miscarriage of Baby B. On this day, please enjoy your celebrations, tell your mother that you love her, but also say a prayer for those to whom motherhood is still a dream.

To the women unable to experience the joy of that pregnancy test finally being positive -

To the women exhausted by failed attempts month after month after month -

To the women who have experienced the pain of miscarriages -

To the women who have given birth to children and were never able to take them home -

To the women who have never held their child in their arms -

To the women whose children have gone before them to heaven -

To the women left heartbroken by failed adoptions -

To all of the 'mothers without children'. . .whatever the reason. . .Today, I honor YOU.

Saturday, May 10, 2008 - Update

Yummy barley!
Don't clean me up, mom. I was saving that barley for later!

My mom hates it when I'm messy.

Olivia is at one of my favorite ages. She smiles, she laughs, she interacts with you, she sleeps through the night. . .she loves her mama. I am absolutely loving it. Olivia now sits in her high chair when she eats her cereal and does very well. I had been giving her cereal mixed with formula. (Something is hard-wired into me. . .must.get.her.more.calories. This was also suggested by her nutritionist.) Over the last few days, she has been becoming more and more disinterested in her cereal to the point of refusing it altogether. So, last night I mixed her barley with only water and she LOVED it. She opened her mouth wide and wouldn't hardly let me take the spoon out of her mouth. I guess I know how I'm going to make it from now on.

Friday, May 9, 2008

Friday, May 9, 2008 - Update

Would you take this patch off? Pretty please?

Last year was my first official Mother's Day. Last year, I had all three of my babies. It wasn't until a week or so after that I found out that I had lost Baby B. Ryan bought me my first mother's bracelet. Because I was only about 7 weeks pregnant, we still referred to them as Baby A, Baby B and Baby C. The bracelet that he made me was very special at the time, but it would be months before we'd realize how truly special it was. My bracelet had an A, B, and a C on it. Ryan wanted to make it a little more colorful, so he added some beads. He used pink, blue and green.

I think that we were in the hospital after Logan and Olivia were born that we discovered it. I had a girl (pink) and a boy (blue) in August (green.) This bracelet will always be very special to me.

It's really difficult for me to think back to what my life was like one year ago. I envisioned my future entirely differently. I knew that there was a possibility that Baby B would not make it. The heart rate was a lot slower and it was much smaller than the other two. I braced myself for the possiblity. But, never, did I brace myself for everything else that was to come. I've learned never to worry about tomorrow because you have no idea (not in your wildest dreams. . .or nightmares) of what life has in store. I remember worrying about how to get three cribs into their bedroom or how to breastfeed three or even two babies. Would they share a car someday? Should I buy a triplet stroller or a double and a single? What would their birthday party themes be? In an instant, none of that became relevant. Instead, I began worrying about whether I would even be able to take my babies home. None of the other trivial things that I worried about even mattered. I feel very grateful to spend Mother's Day this year with my beautiful little girl who brings me unimaginable peace and joy. It is that peace and joy that I wish for all of you.

Thursday, May 8, 2008

Thursday, May 8, 2008 - Update

Lately, I've been trying to see the good in every bad thing that seems to happen in life. Sometimes it's very difficult to do, but I'm giving it a shot. Today, for example. . .

Olivia threw up most of her morning bottle, but. . .
I caught about 98% of it in her cereal bowl.

Now, Olivia's patch doesn't stay on her eye. I either used too much Maalox or didn't let it completely dry, but. . .
the Maalox worked and the patch wasn't painful to remove. Olivia even removed it herself. . .3 times.

We believe that switching to a faster flow nipple is causing some of Olivia's recent vomiting, but. . . . .it doesn't take her 30 minutes to eat anymore. (I think we are going to have to switch back, however.)

The past eight months have been the most difficult, trying times of my entire life, but. . .
I have the most amazing, miraculous daughter in the world.
It doesn't get better than that!

Wednesday, May 7, 2008


Ryan's mom talked to Heidi's mom this afternoon and from what we understand, Heidi had a tear in her lung and the lung was partially collapsed. She is in the NICU at Wesley and was on C-PAP, but is now off. From what I have heard, she seems to be doing better and will hopefully go home next week. Our thoughts and prayers are with her and her family!

Wednesday, May 7, 2008 - Update

Look at all of my giraffes! I almost want to roll over to see them.

It is extremely difficult to remove the patch from Olivia's eye. It's like ripping a band-aid off. . .over your eye, one of the most sensitive areas of the body. I think Ryan is going to pick some Maalox up after work and we'll try that tomorrow. I'm not sure, however, if you put the Maalox around her eye before you put the patch on or if you rub it on the outside of the patch before it's removed. I did some searching online and read that you can rub A&D Ointment on the outside of the adhesive about 15-20 minutes before removing it. The ointment is supposed to cause the adhesive to lose its stickiness and allow for painless removal. What they don't realize is that babies like to pull at the patch and then stick their hands in their mouth. I don't think that Olivia should be eating the ointment, so that didn't work. Hopefully, the Maalox will work a lot better. I just can't imagine putting her through this day after day. Her poor eye is red for a long time after the patch is removed. I'm afraid she is going to be like me and be extremely sensitive to adhesives and latex. I still have a scar on my arm from a latex bandage that I had on in the hospital.

On a happier note, the other day I was sitting in Olivia's chair. From where I was sitting, I counted 19 visible giraffes in her room. That doesn't count the giraffes that I knew were there, but couldn't see. That's a lot of giraffes.

Tuesday, May 6, 2008

Prayer Request

Stacy, a member at our church and long-time supporter of Olivia, recently had a baby girl. I believe that she found out she was pregnant about the time that Olivia and Logan were born and her continued pregnancy has been a dream come true. We just heard today that her little girl, Heidi, was admitted to the NICU for lung problems. I don't have too much information at this time, but I ask that you pray for Stacy, Heidi and their family.

Tuesday, May 6, 2008 - Update

My mom and dad say that I have to wear this patch.
But, it doesn't match any of my outfits.

I wasn't quite expecting it to be. . .but, it was a little heartbreaking to put a patch over my baby's eye. I forget that Olivia's been through a lot and this is nothing. She doesn't seem to mind it at all. It's almost as if she enjoys the different perspective it gives her when looking at familiar objects. She is just an amazing little girl. We have to have it on 4 waking hours of the day. She has been sleeping quite a bit today and as of 2 pm. . .she has had it on for 6 hours. Once she wakes up, we have 30 more minutes until I can take it off. I hope we can see a bit of improvement by next week.

Monday, May 5, 2008

Monday, May 5, 2008 - Update

These glasses are the only ones I need for now.

This morning we had to have a little conversation with Olivia about how it's okay to complain. If she needs us in the middle of the night. . it's okay to wake us up. When we went in to get her this morning we found dried vomit all over her crib. We never heard a peep out of her. . .she just scooted onto the clean half of the crib. This is one reason why we're not willing to give up her monitor at night. I sleep bad enough as it is. Anyway, I then gave Olivia a morning bath. She thought it was a little funny having a bath in the morning. Then we headed off to the eye doctor.

Olivia seemed to like her eye doctor. She seemed very intrigued with all of the toys that he showed her and he made funny noises. She does have unopened/blocked tear ducts. He is giving her until she is one year old to see if they open. If not, she will have to have surgery to open them. She's also crossing her eyes quite a bit. We have to start patching her right eye for 4 hours every day. We go back to the eye doctor in 10 days to see if there is any improvement. This is just the first step. Many times if this condition is present at birth, surgery is required to repair it. He doesn't feel that glasses are needed at this moment. We met a former 26-weeker in the waiting room who has had glasses since she was 6 months old. She is now an adorable (and very well-behaved) 4 year old. I got glasses a few years ago as I am a bit near-sighted. I usually only wear them when I'm driving, but I hardly wear them even then. I've already decided that if Olivia would need to wear glasses that I would wear mine along with her. That way. . .Olivia would put her glasses on and she'd see mama put her glasses on as well. Honestly, I am just grateful that Olivia has her eyesight. For that we are truly blessed.

Sunday, May 4, 2008

Sunday, May 4, 2008 - Update Part II

I wanted to say thanks to my dad for coming over so that Ryan and I could work out in the garden. Most years, I plan out what I'm going to get and where I'm going to put it. . .taking into account whether each plant likes full sun/partial sun or shade. Well, this year we just went to Dillons and grabbed some flowers. Ryan dug random holes and I stuck the flowers in. We joked that the garden will probably look the best this year. At least it's done. Bless those perennials that have come back looking as beautiful as ever with no work on my part. Oh, and my purple plum bush. . .it's so pretty. Our day is a bit better today. Ryan is downstairs relaxing, Olivia is napping and I'm in bed with my laptop. Not too shabby. . .