Saturday, February 2, 2008

Saturday, February 2, 2008 - Update

Lately I have found myself full of such frustration and anger. It's sometimes over a news story about another child killed at the hands of their parents or somebody's opinion about the gestational age at which a child should be saved. I also read about a "breakthrough" study that suggested premature birth could be prevented by taking folic acid. Maybe it can prevent some, but I took folic acid every day for years before I ever got pregnant and I'm still taking it today. I also get frustrated wondering if I should have described my symptoms better. Are cervical lengths routinely measured during an ultrasound? If not, should they be? What I've realized is that. . .I have to let it go. Nobody predicted my premature delivery because it happens in less than 1% of the population. I can't let all of these emotions build up inside of me. All I need to do is love and take care of my daughter that God so graciously let me keep. Sometimes I still see her lying so fragile and bruised in her isolette. That was such a difficult time. You know how all of us would do anything to save those that we love? Throughout all of this, I've learned that sometimes that isn't enough. I would have done anything to save Logan and yet all I could do was stand there and watch him. It didn't matter that I wanted my son more than anything in the world or that I tried so hard for him. Not everyone who is sick gets better. That realization is so unsettling to me and one of the reasons that Ryan and I protect Olivia so much. I refuse to see her lying in a hospital bed again. I know that over time these feelings of anger and frustration will lessen, but they sure have been taking a toll on me lately.

Saturday, February 2, 2008 - Happy Whistle Pig's Day

Mama, keep your finger right here!
Hangin out with dad

Just chillin with mom
Yes, a groundhog is also known as a woodchuck and a whistle pig. . .the latter being our favorite. Olivia spent all night and all morning with dad while I slept and slept and slept. It was wonderful! I think I got a total of 11 hours of sleep and Olivia and I still took our afternoon nap. I guess you turn 30 and your body wears out.

Friday, February 1, 2008

March of Dimes Update

Well, it's Friday and time for our update. We have the following people signed up for the walk:

Carol, Shawna, Laura (Julia and Rebekah), Lorna, Marilee, Gina (and Savannah), Kelley and Kerry.

So far we've raised $260 and Kerry is leading the way with $100 raised. Many of you have even met your goals. Great job! Thanks again for all of your support!

Happy Birthday Jodi!

Happy Birthday? It looks more like Hippy Birthday.

This is Jodi's husband, Ryan. I wanted to post this to wish my wife the best 30th birthday that she can have. After all that she has been through, she deserves it. Jodi always wanted to have her two children by the time she was 30. She got her birthday wish, although Logan has already come and gone before us to heaven. While we miss Logan terribly, I know that Olivia is the best birthday present for which my wife could have hoped. I am thrilled that we will be able to spend the day today as a family. Please join me in wishing my wife all the happiness and joy that she can have on this special day.

Thanks honey. . .and thanks to all of you for your birthday wishes. They mean a lot to me. My husband was mistaken, however, because I am only 23 years old. :-) I also got flowers and a gift basket from my friend/previous boss, Pam. My sister-in-law, Laura, and niece, Rebekah, brought me some cookies. My friend, Kerry, is in talks with the zoo to arrange a private meet and greet with Olivia the giraffe. For those who "tuned in" later, you'll have to go back and read Sept 26th's post to understand our fascination with giraffes. It's been a great day. In addition to my iPod, Ryan also got me a beautiful bracelet, Olive Garden for lunch and one of those massaging shower heads. He's also letting me sleep all night tonight and all morning tomorrow. But, the greatest gift that he's given me is his love for me and his daughter.

Olivia greeted me this morning at 5 am with some of the biggest grins that I have ever seen. She's continued to be an angel all day and that's even after going to the doctor to get her Synagis shot. She now weighs 8 lbs 6 oz and is in the 90th percentile on the preemie growth chart. I'm so proud of her. She's the best birthday present in the world!

Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Wednesday, January 30, 2008 - Update

Super baby to the rescue!
Take time to smile everyday
Today Ryan let me open one of my birthday presents early. My birthday is Friday. . .unfortunately it's the big 3-0. Ryan took off work on Friday and the three of us our going to have as much fun as three people can have within the confines of your own house. Ryan got me an ipod so that I can (get this) hold Olivia in her room while rocking and listening to music. It will also come in handy this spring when Olivia and I go on our long walks. Ryan always makes my birthdays special. . ..two years ago I got a car! In three more years it will be all mine.

I called Olivia's pediatrician's office to make sure her Synagis shot was there for tomorrow. Good thing I called because our insurance company hadn't mailed it yet. It is supposed to be mailed tomorrow and we rescheduled for Friday, which is fine because that will be 29 days since her last shot. It may be a blessing because it's supposed to do the whole snowing,blowing, drifting thing tomorrow.

Olivia has become quite the bossy boss and her feisty personality still shines through. When we take our afternoon naps, we position ourselves just so and I can't stray from that position. The other day, she wanted her head right on my neck and got irritated should I want to swallow. She won't hardly let us give her the Poly-Vi-Sol or Nystatin anymore and she's learned how to spit it right back out. Today, however, she has been a sleepyhead. She barely stays awake long enough to eat before she's back to sleep again. Hopefully, she'll wake up to play a bit tonight.

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Tuesday, January 29, 2008 - Update

Olivia continues to thrive and is doing very well. Her sleeping/feeding schedule is beginning to become a little more reliable and allows us to better anticipate what she wants. She has a pediatrician appt on Thursday for her next Synagis shot and I'm anxious to find out her new weight.

I did want to take a moment to tell you all what a great mother I have. My poor mom has been unable to see Olivia for almost a month. She has been around others who have been sick and now she is sick herself. Olivia has remained so well because of her vigilance and caution and those of our family and friends. Many of you may not understand exactly why it is so important to keep her healthy. By all outward appearances, she seems like a healthy, normal newborn. But, after being on the ventilator for 2 months. . .her lungs are very scarred. Any illness, especially one that attacks the respiratory system like RSV, would be very hard on her. She just doesn't have the lung reserves that full term babies have. Plus, after spending 105 days in the hospital, I promised her that we wouldn't spend another night away from each other for a long time. So, you'll never see Ryan and I without Purell with us at all times. I just ask for everyone's continued patience and dedication with helping Olivia remain healthy.

Upcoming Shower

My wonderful neighbors are throwing me a shower and we would like to extend the invitation to all of you devoted blog readers. I have appreciated all of your support throughout the past 5 months. For those who attended my previous shower, don't feel that you have to come and bring another gift. It would just be nice to sit down and chat with friends and family that I haven't seen for awhile. The only criteria I ask is that you are healthy. I don't want to risk bringing home something to Olivia. As you may have guessed, Olivia will not be attending the shower with me. . .you'll have to wait until April for her big debut!

It's A Baby Shower
Sunday, February 10, 2008 from 2 pm - 4 pm

If you would like to attend, please contact Denise at She will give you additional details, location, etc.

Thanks again to Denise and Michelle for throwing the shower. We are truly blessed to live in such a wonderful neighborhood. I grew up with the best neighbors imaginable and I have very fond memories of my childhood because of it. The Sailings, Dillons and Teschkes were all one big family. My two best friends (Tamar and Tiffany) lived two houses down. Tamar and Tiffany are twins, but I think we could have been triplets because we did everything together. I remember summer nights playing outside while our parents sat out and talked in lawn chairs. I was truly blessed and I hope Olivia's childhood is just as special.

Monday, January 28, 2008

Monday, January 28, 2008 - Remembering Logan

My sweet Logan William

It was four months ago today that I lost my sweet Logan and experienced what became the worst day of my life. The day of their birth was a close second which leaves me wondering how to fill out Olivia's baby book. There is a page dedicated to telling her about how wonderful the day of her birth was. I know that not many of you were able to meet Logan, but he was such a sweet, adorable little boy.

I came across a website the other day on prematurity that really frustrated me. It made it sound as if prematurity is caused by something that the mother did. The list of risk factors for prematurity included: low income, uneducated mothers with no prenatal care and poor nutrition. If those are the risk factors that doctors and nurses go by, no wonder my symptoms weren't taken seriously. I hope that the March of Dimes continues to do more to spread awareness than by just restating the obvious. I have met many people, like myself, who tried to do everything right. I had what could be considered 'prenatal care' for two and a half years. I saw ultrasound pictures of the follicles that contained the eggs that would later become my children. I was on prenatal vitamins for two and a half years and Ryan and I had every test imaginable done. . .and I still gave birth prematurely. It can happen to anyone.

I debated about whether to post Logan's marker pictures, but I decided to do so because this blog is dedicated to Olivia and Logan. This is my reality and my experiences on a daily basis. If I live to be 90 years old, I will still visit his gravesite and remember that I had an amazing son.

Sunday, January 27, 2008

Sunday, January 27, 2008 - Pictures

I think we should change the song to 'Olivia Had a Little Lamb.'
I am finally big enough for my Baby Bjorn carrier and went for a walk today with mom and dad. I fell fast asleep.

A Plugged Duct and Hiccups

What do these two things have in common? They are what kept me up all night. I put Olivia down and was thrilled to be able to crawl into bed before midnight. I'm having problems with plugged milk ducts since I've been trying to stop pumping. It got pretty painful last night and by 2 am I was almost asleep when Olivia's alarm went off. Her lead came off of her foot. She was fast asleep, but I woke her up trying to put the lead back on. Since she woke up, I went ahead and fed her. She was an angel and went right back to sleep. I then had to pump for 30 minutes to get some relief. I felt better. . .Olivia was asleep. . .and it was almost 4 am when I crawled back into bed only to get the hiccups. Ryan is one of those people who can hold their breath and get rid of them instantly. That has never worked with me. I could tell that I was keeping him awake with a hic. . . .hic. . .hic. . .every few seconds, so I got up and searched the Internet for ways to get rid of hiccups. I read a lot of interesting things and I finally found a cure. . .swallow a teaspoonful of sugar. . .it worked instantly. Studies show that it works for 19 out of 20 people. Finally, by 5 am I could finally go to sleep. Now, I'm just exhausted. Not too tired, however, to say Happy 5 month birthday to my precious Olivia!