Saturday, October 25, 2008

Saturday, October 25, 2008 - Update

Olivia had another Rainbows evaluation on Friday. For the most part, it went well. They believe that she has some sensory disorders. .especially with her hands. I feel that she has come a long way, but she still doesn't put a whole lot of pressure on her hands, doesn't want to hold a bottle, sippy cup, finger foods, etc. We are supposed to introduce her to a lot of different textures and let her stick her hands in different things like a bowl full of pudding. We're also supposed to start some hand massage. She is also going to start being seen by an occupational therapist. Does anyone have any experience with sensory issues and/or exactly what it means? I still don't understand it completely. She's just happy to walk everywhere. That's all she wants to do all day long. She doesn't want to eat, doesn't want to sleep. . .she just wants to walk. She loves walking over to her kitchen. She squeals and laughs as soon as she pulls up on your fingers and begins walking. It's so very adorable. I tell ya, she gets cuter and cuter every day!

We have a busy busy week next week. Olivia has her follow up appointment with the developmental pediatrician on Monday and her 14 month checkup/vaccinations on Thursday. Still no luck on the Synagis front, which still makes me incredibly angry. I have an appointment on Wednesday to discuss what treatment I will have. I already can't wait until next weekend!

Friday, October 24, 2008

Friday, October 24, 2008 - Update

Just thought I'd post some cute pictures of Olivia. I'm sure many people have wondered why I keep up the blog when I'm so tired. Along with getting more rest (impossible to do with a small child) I need to make sure I do things that I enjoy. I enjoy updating the blog and sharing about my amazing daughter and I don't plan on stopping that. I've started making a few adjustments to my life in order to help my adrenal fatigue:
1) Ryan and I are going to bed at 10:30 pm. This means no more staying up until 1-2 am. A person gets the most restorative sleep between 10 pm - 1 am and 7 am - 9 am than at any other time. I've been missing almost all of that time. Because of all my problems with insomnia, I'm relying on Benadryl or Melatonin to fall asleep until a doctor suggests otherwise.

2) When I wake up in the morning, I'm supposed to drink an 8 oz glass of water with a teaspoon of sea salt. Yeah. . yuck. Sodium is considered bad for "normal" people, but I have problems with low blood pressure instead of high blood pressure.

3) I'm supposed to rest whenever possible. So, that morning nap that I take with Olivia? Now I don't feel so guilty about it.

Oh, and just to tell you how bad it is. . .an optimal cortisol level upon waking in the morning is in the 20s. . .mine is 7. At least I know that I'm not just lazy.

I hope you all have a wonderful weekend!

Thursday, October 23, 2008

Thursday, October 23, 2008 - Update

I decided to let Olivia help me write the update today. So, here it is:

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Thank you, Olivia, for your beautiful words. I'm amazed at how much she wants to use her hands. . .whether it's playing her piano, banging on my keyboard, or grabbing my plate when I'm eating. The other thing that she loves to do is walk around the house holding your fingers. She could do it all day. Of course, she is nowhere near walking on her own and she hasn't yet cruised around on the furniture or stood unassisted, but she loves walking. I think she'd rather walk around the house than be held. She is so very proud of this accomplishment and, of course, so am I. I love to see where she wants to walk and what she wants to look at. I still wish she would crawl and that's something that we're still working on. It's like she's not even a baby anymore. She's developing her own opinions and own thoughts about what she wants to do (and has started throwing mini-tantrums when she doesn't get to do them.) She tenses her body and screams when she's mad. I guess I'm going to have to introduce the word "no."

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Wednesday, October 22, 2008 - Update

Olivia's first time cooking.
Help, the eggs are burning!

For awhile now, I've been watching for Olivia's third tooth on the bottom that is trying to break through. Imagine my surprise today when I found that she had a top tooth! When did that happen? Her second top tooth is getting ready to break through as well. I'd better start updating her baby book.

Thank you for your support and prayers. I try not to ask anything for myself because there are so many people out there in need of far more than me. I have amazing friends and family and I'm blessed with a wonderful husband. He's always so supportive of me and does whatever he can to help. He helps cook, clean, take care of the animals and works all day to support his family so that I can stay home. I'm so thankful for that beccause I don't know how I would be able to work right now. Of course, we're still trying to adjust to having only one income, but I'm sure we'll manage. Olivia and Ryan enjoy "Saturday mornings with dad" and I get to sleep in. I've noticed that Olivia watches a lot of "boy" cartoons like Ninja Turtles and her favorite, Spongebob SquarePants. I'm sure the day will come when I'll wake up and Ryan will have her playing video games. She'll be well-rounded, I'm sure. Thank you all for everything!

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Adrenal Fatigue

Embracing my inner Sailing
( I guess mommy was too tired to put both of my socks on, or. . .maybe I just like to take them off.)

I've mentioned previously about my overwhelming fatigue. I don't mean tiredness or the occasional sleepy spell. . .it is overwhelming, debilitating exhaustion. Some mornings I can hardly pull myself out of bed and even with 8 hours of sleep, I am completely unrefreshed. And, while running on empty, I feel as if I have to travel the world, prepare food for thousands and run a marathon. In actuality, I only have to do the laundry, fix supper and walk to the mailbox.

A few months ago, I decided to go to the doctor for help. Today, I finally got my answer with the hope that I will someday feel better. I have severe adrenal fatigue which basically happens when the amount of stress you have overextends the capacity of the body to compensate and recover from stress. My cortisol levels are so low that my doctor doesn't know how I even get out of bed in the morning. Your adrenal glands produce cortisol among others that give you the fight or flight response and the umphhh to make it through the day. This is what is responsible for average people performing monumental tasks under stress (lifting a car to save a loved one.) Your adrenal glands can become worn out and underfunctioning after times of extreme stress. So, technically, I survived the last year, but at the expense of my body.

Let's see. . .3 years of infertility and treatments. Then, I got pregnant with triplets, lost one, gave birth at 23 weeks. I had a natural delivery (not by choice) and an emergency c-section within 10 minutes of one another. I had to physically recover from those, while wondering if my babies were going to make it. I pumped every 3-4 hours and went to the hospital every day. Then, I lost Logan when Olivia's future was still uncertain. When we brought Olivia home, she was on oxygen and a monitor which wasn't any too relaxing. I had to keep her healthy and become ever-vigilant about who came over and where we went. Plus, the normal demands of having a small baby at home. I'm exhausted. I can't handle any more stress. I put all of my energy into being the best mom that I can for Olivia, which doesn't leave much energy for anything else. I hate that I feel this way. I think people assume that a year after a tragic event that all is back to normal. In reality, I feel worse than ever.

Anyway, so I have to schedule an appointment to meet with a specialist who can help me decide on a treatment plan. It could take up to 6 months to start seeing any effects which is a little disheartening, but I have to do something. Honestly, I don't think my adrenal glands were quite up to par even before all of this happened. I just ask for your prayers and support as I try to crawl out of this enormous hole that I am in. I just need to concentrate on taking care of Olivia and getting the most rest that I can. I ask that you please don't ask too much more of me. . .at least not for the next 6 months. Then, well. . .then I'll be busy with my looooong list of "Things To Do When I Finally Have Energy."

Monday, October 20, 2008

Monday, October 20, 2008 - Update

This weekend, I watched the K-State game with my daddy.
I took time to ride my pony.

I got my feet painted. It was tickly. It was Aunt Kimmy's idea for a Halloween art project. Kaleb had done it at school.

Here is Grandma Mary's shirt with all the cousins' footprints. Mom, dad and I made shirts for ourselves too.

That's all folks. . .

Sunday, October 19, 2008

Sunday, October 19, 2008 - Update

Daddy's little Wildcat

Today I was able to meet Madison. She seemed so tiny and I found it difficult to believe that when Olivia was that tiny, I thought she was huge! Adoption is such a beautiful answer to so many difficult questions. Thank you to the birth parents for your self-less act of love that has brought joy to so many. You are amazing!

Stacie and Madison