Embracing my inner Sailing
( I guess mommy was too tired to put both of my socks on, or. . .maybe I just like to take them off.)
I've mentioned previously about my overwhelming fatigue. I don't mean tiredness or the occasional sleepy spell. . .it is overwhelming, debilitating exhaustion. Some mornings I can hardly pull myself out of bed and even with 8 hours of sleep, I am completely unrefreshed. And, while running on empty, I feel as if I have to travel the world, prepare food for thousands and run a marathon. In actuality, I only have to do the laundry, fix supper and walk to the mailbox.
A few months ago, I decided to go to the doctor for help. Today, I finally got my answer with the hope that I will someday feel better. I have severe
adrenal fatigue which basically happens when the amount of stress you have overextends the capacity of the body to compensate and recover from stress. My cortisol levels are so low that my doctor doesn't know how I even get out of bed in the morning. Your adrenal glands produce cortisol among others that give you the fight or flight response and the umphhh to make it through the day. This is what is responsible for average people performing monumental tasks under stress (lifting a car to save a loved one.) Your adrenal glands can become worn out and underfunctioning after times of extreme stress. So, technically, I survived the last year, but at the expense of my body.
Let's see. . .3 years of infertility and treatments. Then, I got pregnant with triplets, lost one, gave birth at 23 weeks. I had a natural delivery (not by choice) and an emergency c-section within 10 minutes of one another. I had to physically recover from those, while wondering if my babies were going to make it. I pumped every 3-4 hours and went to the hospital every day. Then, I lost Logan when Olivia's future was still uncertain. When we brought Olivia home, she was on oxygen and a monitor which wasn't any too relaxing. I had to keep her healthy and become ever-vigilant about who came over and where we went. Plus, the normal demands of having a small baby at home. I'm exhausted. I can't handle any more stress. I put all of my energy into being the best mom that I can for Olivia, which doesn't leave much energy for anything else. I hate that I feel this way. I think people assume that a year after a tragic event that all is back to normal. In reality, I feel worse than ever.
Anyway, so I have to schedule an appointment to meet with a specialist who can help me decide on a treatment plan. It could take up to 6 months to start seeing any effects which is a little disheartening, but I have to do something. Honestly, I don't think my adrenal glands were quite up to par even before all of this happened. I just ask for your prayers and support as I try to crawl out of this enormous hole that I am in. I just need to concentrate on taking care of Olivia and getting the most rest that I can. I ask that you please don't ask too much more of me. . .at least not for the next 6 months. Then, well. . .then I'll be busy with my looooong list of "Things To Do When I Finally Have Energy."
Olivia had another Rainbows evaluation on Friday. For the most part, it went well. They believe that she has some sensory disorders. .especially with her hands. I feel that she has come a long way, but she still doesn't put a whole lot of pressure on her hands, doesn't want to hold a bottle, sippy cup, finger foods, etc. We are supposed to introduce her to a lot of different textures and let her stick her hands in different things like a bowl full of pudding. We're also supposed to start some hand massage. She is also going to start being seen by an occupational therapist. Does anyone have any experience with sensory issues and/or exactly what it means? I still don't understand it completely. She's just happy to walk everywhere. That's all she wants to do all day long. She doesn't want to eat, doesn't want to sleep. . .she just wants to walk. She loves walking over to her kitchen. She squeals and laughs as soon as she pulls up on your fingers and begins walking. It's so very adorable. I tell ya, she gets cuter and cuter every day!
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