Saturday, January 12, 2008 - Update

I often wonder why God allows babies to be born so prematurely. They are His children. . .why doesn’t he want to give them the best start at life? I have come to realize that the lives of babies born prematurely strengthen the faith of everyone who knows them. I don’t know how Olivia’s premature birth will affect her life or what issues she will face. I know that she is without her twin brother because of it. As painful as the last few months have been, one can’t just forget about everything and expect premature babies to become like full term babies. You don’t magically get those 17 weeks back. I love Olivia just as she is. That is why I dislike it when people talk about when premature babies should “catch up?” Why should she have to catch up to full term babies born when she was? They started off on different playing fields. She is going to be on her own timetable and I want her to always be proud of her accomplishments. I’ll never know why things happened the way they did, but God has definitely used her and Logan in miraculous ways.

I think Olivia is having a growth spurt right now. She has taken two bottles today that were over 100 ccs. We’ve started putting her in size 1 diapers instead of newborns and she has begun wearing 0-3 month outfits (although they are still a little big.) She’s also smiling a lot more and has begun finding her voice. She grows more beautiful every day

Friday, January 11, 2008 - Update

I would like to say Happy Anniversary to my parents who met on a blind date 39 years ago today. They were set up, my brother and his wife were set up, Ryan and I were set up. . . .I guess we’re unable to find our own spouses. That’s okay because I couldn’t have picked anyone better myself. I also couldn’t ask for better parents and am truly grateful for all they have done for me. I can only hope that someday Olivia will say the same thing about her mom and dad.

Today my rats and I took a trip to the vet and didn’t get very good news. My sweet little rat has an infection around her eye and we are unsure of the cause. We started her on an antibiotic in hopes that will clear the infection. They started talking about tumors and eye removal surgery and I just don’t know how much I can endure. . . . both emotionally, physically and financially. We’ve had a guinea pig go through kidney failure and another with an abscess behind her eye. That was when we had two incomes and didn’t have any children to think about. Debbie, who works at the vet, shares my love of rats and I always enjoy visiting with her. My rats weighed 298 and 320 grams respectively. It really put it in perspective for Debbie when I told her that Olivia weighed 498 grams at birth.

The good news of the day is that I don’t think I’m catching a cold as I feel a lot better today. I don’t know what the cause was. Ryan sent me to bed at 10 pm last night because, as he says, I was “hanging by a thread.” I’m doing better today as I hope all of you are too.

Please keep Kinnick and Carver in your prayers as they are back in Detroit having surgery to help save their vision. I know it’s been very stressful for them and their family and I ask for continuous prayers for all of them

Thursday, January 10, 2008 - Update

Today was supposed to be a nice enjoyable day for me. Ryan’s mom came over to watch Olivia while I went out and ran some errands. I actually did my hair, got dressed and everything. I had to go to the post office, return some Christmas items and visit Logan’s grave. I also stopped by the bank to open a savings account for Olivia (before her dad and I spent some of her Christmas money.) Well, I got to the bank and they asked for her social security number. I rattled it off and they questioned if it was accurate. I called Ryan to confirm it. . .maybe I didn’t memorize it as well as I thought. I was, however, correct and the guy at the bank then tells me he shows that number was issued in 2006. Basically, it seems someone else has that number. Ryan later called the social security office to confirm her number and they show it issued only to Olivia. Maybe this is just a tiny glitch, but I’m hoping it doesn’t turn into a huge issue. I don’t want someone else out there using her number. I now have to go back to the bank with her social security card and have the bank call the social security office. Maybe it was a blessing that we went to open the savings account because otherwise this issue would have never been brought to our attention. I hope it gets resolved quickly.

I finally got home and went downstairs to check on my little furry babies. I noticed one of my rat’s eyes has discharge and is really swollen. This scares me because last year one of our guinea pigs had an abscess behind her eye and had to have her eye removed. The fluid kept building up and they had to keep re-opening the incision to drain it. During her third surgery, she didn’t wake up from the anesthesia. I know that the great lengths we go to help our animals may sound silly to some, but that is just who I am. Lucy (my other rat) and her are the very best of friends and if something happened to one of them, the other one would be devastated. Rats are very social creatures. So, my poor rat has a vet appt tomorrow which means Ryan’s mom has to come over to watch Olivia. To top off my day, I feel as if I might be catching a cold. . .and this terrifies me. We’ve tried so very hard to keep Olivia safe and healthy. I don’t know what to do. . .I have to be here to take care of her. I have just been washing my hands very thoroughly (but, I’ve always done that) and I haven’t been getting too cuddly with her. Please pray that I’m not getting sick and this is only allergies. I’m just a wreck over this.

The one good thing to report is that Olivia slept last night from midnight to 5 am. . .by herself. . .in her crib. I was so very proud of her and hope the trend continues. Please pray that tomorrow is a little better day for me.

Wednesday, January 9, 2008 - Update

Izzy


Olivia got to spend some special time with grandma today and I’m so grateful to Ryan’s mom for helping us out. Last night, Olivia and I worked on sleeping in her crib. After her feeding, I put her in her crib and she seemed to do okay as long as she had her night-light (to see that baby in the mirror) and her pacifier. The problem is that sometimes she starts sucking so aggressively that her pacifier comes out. I wait a few seconds. . .and then she cries so I get up and put it back in. It went on like this for about 2 hours. Finally, it was time for her to eat again, so I turned on the light and left to get a bottle ready for her. When I came back, she was fast asleep. It was then that I realized it was a bit chilly in our house. We had this trouble a few days ago, so I had to go in and wake Ryan up at 2:00 am to fix it. (I’m clueless when it comes to anything like that.) He got the heat going again and today we had our heating and cooling guy come out (Kirk’s Comfort Air. . . .I highly recommend them) and hopefully we don’t have any problems anymore. Anyway, so Olivia slept until almost 5:00 am in her crib by herself. We have, like the latest commenter suggested, placed her on her tummy to sleep from time to time. I know that’s a big no-no, but we only do it when she’s hooked up to the monitor. She likes to sleep with her face laying on her hands and she just can’t do that on her back. Also, when she’s sleeping she likes her arms tucked in, but she wants them out the second that she wakes up. Boy, does she get angry when she can’t find her arms!

I don’t have any pictures of Olivia today, so I thought I would leave you with a few pictures of Olivia’s adorable cousin, Izzy.

Tuesday, January 8, 2008 - Update

I don’t have too much time to write tonight. Olivia is doing well, but we’re finding it hard to get her to sleep in her crib. I think she’s getting a little too used to sleeping with me at night. This is not allowing me to sleep at night and undoing all of my chiropractor’s hard work. (I can only sleep in a chair for so long.) It’s hard because if I could, I would hold her every second of every day. We’re struggling with this right now.

We also found out that Logan’s marker finally came in. We ordered it in October and it took a lot longer than the 6-8 weeks we were told. We go in Saturday to review it and they should have it out by next week. Finally. . .I’ve hated not having anything for him.

Monday, January 7, 2008 - Update

Sleeping Baby Bear


Olivia and I were able to go on another stroller ride today. I can’t get enough of this 60 degree weather. I don’t think she made it to the end of the driveway before she fell fast asleep. Unfortunately, the cold weather is coming back tomorrow.

Some days it seems I just stare at Olivia in amazement and can’t believe she is really mine. It took me awhile for my pregnancy to really sink in. I couldn’t believe that I finally got pregnant. When you give birth at 23 weeks, your baby doesn’t cry. . .at least Olivia didn’t. A roomful of people and you’ve never heard such deafening silence. I only caught her moving out of the corner of my eye before they whisked her away. I thought I had lost her. After Logan died, I thought I had lost her again. There is something about losing a child that leaves you with a sense of uneasiness. If something so awful can happen to you once in this life, you start to think anything can happen. It’s an uneasiness that I don’t think will ever go away. God doesn’t ever guarantee that our lives will be easy. He never guarantees our life on earth, but for those who believe in Him. . .He gives us the promise of eternity.

I’m happy to report that Olivia is breastfeeding successfully after many unsuccessful attempts. . . .and she loves it. I’m afraid that she is going to start refusing bottles all together. She even makes a point to stop and grin while nursing, with milk running down her cheek. I want to make sure that she is getting enough and not knowing how much she’s getting is driving me crazy. I’m so worried about it. Wish us luck on this new endeavor as this could help with her gas pains and fussiness while eating. My parents came over and helped us take the Christmas stuff down today and also held her while we trimmed our guinea pigs’ nails. Eighty four nails had to be cut, but they willingly let us do it. I guess after being way over-do, they welcome it (they are supposed to be cut every 6 weeks and I think we’ve trimmed them once since Olivia was born.)

Anyway, it was a beautiful day outside and we just had to get out and enjoy it. So, Olivia took her first stroller ride! We had to borrow my parents’ stroller because all we have is a double stroller and an umbrella stroller (she’s not quite big enough for that one yet.) She was able to hear dogs barking and geese quacking and feel the sun shining, etc. Do you know how long it’s been since I took a leisurely stroll outside? It was wonderful! I pray for many more days like this.