To Those Who Look Away

Just thought I’d share this poem that I saw on another blog and it really struck a chord with me.  I think sometimes people dismiss the fact that I lost a son because he was “only” a month old.  They don’t realize or recognize how deep a mother’s love is.  During those 23 weeks that Logan was in the womb and the month (and one day) that he was in this world, I saw him grow up.  My whole life became about him and Olivia.  I saw them going to kindergarten together, sharing birthdays, wondering if I’d buy them two cars or have them share. . .A mother’s love is truly limitless and knows no beginning or end.

TO THOSE WHO LOOK AWAY

To those who look away ...
when I grow teary-eyed in the baby department, look a little deeper.
Surely you have some compassion in your heart.

To those who change the subject when I speak my son’s name,
change your way of thinking.
It just might change your whole life.

To those who roll their eyes and say that we barely had them at all, how could we miss them so much, in our hearts we have seen them live a thousand times.   We have seen their first steps, first day of school, their weddings, and their children.
We have had them forever in our minds.

To those who say we can have another,
we did.
I thank God for her everyday,
but even if I have twenty more babies,
I will forever have one in the grave,
and that is one too many.

To those who say to get on with my life,
I have.
It is a different life,
The life of a grieving mother.
One with a tremendous amount to be thankful for,
but also one with a lot to mourn the loss of!
Do not judge the bereaved mother.
She comes in many forms.
She is breathing,
but she is dying.
She may look young,
but inside she has become ancient.
She smiles, but her heart sobs.
She walks, she talks, she cooks, she cleans, she works, she IS, but she IS NOT, all at once.
She is here, but part of her is elsewhere for eternity.
Do not dismiss us: we have shaped more than just the future generation.
We have released all the tiny angels who are watching over you
Open your eyes to US
and you just might see THEM.

~~~ Author Unknown ~~~

Friday, September 30, 2011

My daughter recently started showing an interest in soccer, so today we went to pick out her own soccer ball. She’s actually a really good little soccer player. I find this particularly amazing since just last year she was shown to have quite a delay in her “ball handling skills.” She’s come a long way. 

We made a makeshift goal in our backyard and practiced. 

She shoots!

She scores!  Now, we just have to make it to one of cousin Izzy’s soccer games!

After we were done playing outside, I came upstairs to find this:

Guess we won’t be leaving the screen door open anymore.  If there is something to be tried. . .Kelsey is the one to do it.  Crazy kitty. 

Thursday, September 29, 2011

Did you know that there is a new Llama llama book out?  I didn’t either until I happened across it at the book store yesterday.  I can’t say that they remain her favorite books anymore, although she still enjoys them.  Olivia is on to spooky books right now.  She loves “What Was I Scared Of” by Dr. Seuss and “The Little Old Lady Who Was Not Afraid Of Anything” by Linda Williams.  Silly girl just likes to be scared.  She always wants to play “Giant” or “Monsters.”  I think she’s taking after her dad as I never wanted to be scared when I was little.   She’s really looking forward to Halloween.  I think she’s going as a puppy dog as we already have a costume that her cousin wore and she looks adorable in it!  If it were up to her, though, she might want something a bit “scarier.” 

Remembering Logan. . .

Logan William

Tomorrow, September 28th, marks four years since we lost our son, Logan.  Four years and it’s still tough.  With my new job and Olivia sick. . .I tried to fit in time to make a slideshow as I do most years.  I came upon a heartwrenching fact. . .I only have a limited amount of pictures of Logan. . .only a month’s worth, in fact.  I can’t do slideshows every year because I feel like I’m just putting the same pictures to a different song.  It only reminds me that the memories and pictures that I have of Logan are few.  And that’s not fair.  He was my son and I should have a lifetime of memories and pictures of him.  I miss him so much. . . I still do.  Every day. 

I love you, Logan.

You can watch last year’s slideshow, here:

http://oliviaandlogan.blogspot.com/2010/09/logan.html

Sunday, September 25, 2011

It was a beautiful day on Friday, so we headed to the zoo.  Olivia’s favorite animal at the zoo is the peacock.  There is not a specific peacock enclosure. . .you just have to try to run across one.  We always do. . .Olivia knows all of their favorite spots.  Here she is with her favorite feathered friend.

And, she ended up taking a stuffed one home from the gift shop that has now become one of the gang.

Olivia is now a bit under the weather or as she would say, “I have the sick.”  So we’ve been trying to take it easy this weekend.  Hopefully, she’ll be back to normal in no time!