August 27, 2007

To tell Olivia's birth story, I have to start from the beginning.  On April 13th, 2007, after 3+ years of trying to conceive,  I received a call from my reproductive endocrinologist who said that I was “very” pregnant. I can’t even begin to tell you the joy and excitement that Ryan and I felt. I had my first ultrasound on May 3rd and was found to be pregnant with triplets. It was a little overwhelming at first, but I felt so blessed. One of the babies, however, was a lot smaller than the other two and had a much slower heart rate. On May 14th, I had a second ultrasound and found that I had lost “Baby B.” It was difficult, but we were very grateful for our twins.

Throughout the following weeks, my pregnancy went very well. All of my checkups were good and the babies were growing very well. On August 9th, we found out that we were having a boy and a girl and couldn’t have felt more blessed. It was around that time (week 20) that I began to have some back aches. I attributed it to being pregnant with twins and having already gained almost 30 lbs. Plus, back aches are very common in pregnancy. On August 19th, I begin feeling a lot of pressure and I reminded myself that I was carrying two babies. Two days later, I started having some bleeding. I had not had any spotting throughout my pregnancy, so Ryan and I were very concerned. I called my OB from work and they told me that I could either go home and lie down or go to the hospital and have it checked out. Ryan and I decided to go to the hospital. It was found that I had an irritated cervix and that’s what they believed was causing it. I went home, but my OB put me on bed rest until my next appt on Sept. 5th. I spent the week in bed and took it very easy.  From everything we read online and heard from others, spotting and cramping can both be very normal, but I worried just the same. I decided to call my OB again Monday morning.

That Monday, on August 27th, Ryan had jury duty and we believe God had a hand in that. He happened to be released around noon, picked up lunch for us (La Galette) and came home. While he was home, a nurse returned my call. She didn’t seem too concerned and told me to take 2 Benadryls and lie down. I had been lying down for over a week, however, and it wasn’t getting any better. Since Ryan happened to be home, we decided to go back to the hospital. Part of me felt like a paranoid mom, but a part of me felt that something wasn’t right. When I went to the hospital the week before, I didn’t tell my mother until after I was home and she wasn’t too happy about that. This time, I called her on the way to the hospital and she arrived there shortly after we did. I felt it was kind of ridiculous for my mother to be there since they were probably going to stamp my file with a “crazy lady” stamp and send me home. Then, my dad and my brother showed up.

We got to the hospital and when I had my exam, they found that I was already dilated 2.5 to 3 cm. They began talking to me about taking magnesium sulfate to stop the contractions and keep labor from progressing. The menstrual-like cramps I was having were the start of contractions. My parents and brother stepped out of the room and another doctor was sent in to exam me. This time I was dilated 4-5 cm, 80% effaced  and they told us that labor couldn’t be stopped. I had never been so scared in my life. The doctor literally stepped out of the room and my water broke. We pressed the nurse call button, told them my water broke and about 20 doctors came into the room with 2 incubators from the NICU. Alarms were sounding and my parents and brother were watching all of this from the waiting room and didn’t know what was going on. I went into some sort of shock.  Ryan said he had never seen me like that before.  I couldn't believe what was happening and I guess shutting down was the only way I could get through it.

Without so much as a Tylenol, Olivia was born at 6:18 pm.  I can't begin to tell you how hard it was to push Olivia into a world that she was not ready for.  At 23 weeks, 1 day, my babies were not considered viable yet and were only saved at the request of Ryan and me.  They had a 90% chance of a major disability and a 30% chance of survival.  I didn't even get to see Olivia after she was born. She had an APGAR score of like 2 or 3.   I remember Ryan telling me that she was moving and that she was beautiful.

She had been head down, but Logan was breech. They were going to go ahead and deliver him vaginally as well, but then he turned sideways. They quickly rushed me out of the room for an emergency c-section. I remember not wanting to leave Ryan and passing by my parents in the hallway. I wanted to give them a sign that I was okay, but I was not okay.  So I just stared at them as they wheeled me by. They put me out for the c-section immediately.  They had Logan out within 2 minutes of putting me under and he was born at 6:28 pm, just 10 minutes after his sister.  

August 27, 2007 remains one of the most traumatic days of my life.  It helps to tell the story every year in order for my brain to still process the events of that day.  I can't even begin to tell you how many things I didn't get to experience as a new mom.  For years I struggled to celebrate Olivia's birthday without sadness.  I mourned for Logan.  It felt like I was taking the most horrible day of my life, buying cake and celebrating it every year.  But after a few years, I realized it is not the day that I was celebrating.  It was Olivia's life, the miracle and amazing person that she is.  How grateful I am to be able to celebrate with her every year.  I can't think of anything worth celebrating that is better than that.  Happy birthday in heaven to my sweet Logan and to my amazing daughter, Olivia.  God bless the broken road that led me straight to you.