Saturday, September 26, 2009 - Update

Today, we spent a gorgeous day at the zoo! We had already decided to go when we found out some other family members were heading there as well. Everyone had a great time!

We attempted numerous family pictures. There was always one of us that wasn't looking at the right camera.

We got up close and personal with the giraffes.

Olivia was rocking the ponytail!

Olivia with cousins, Rebekah and Aidan.

Olivia and Aidan

Look at me! I'm on a boat!

Reading a book on a boat!

Just being cute.

Daddy and me

That's all folks!

Logan William

This coming Monday marks 2 years since Logan passed away, so it has been heavy on my heart. Contrary to popular belief, time doesn't heal all wounds. It doesn't get easier. . .just more familiar. Never before have truer words been said. I no longer expect him to be here with us. Not expecting, however, is not the same as not wanting or not needing. There is not a day that goes by where I don't want or need Logan here with us. With the passing of each day, month and year, I discover more milestones that my son will never meet. . .things I will never see him do, things I will never get to do or say. Sometimes I just long to say, "Logan, quit bothering your sister," or "Logan, don't put that in your mouth!" I wonder if he would have squealed with excitement like his sister when I would ask, "Do you want to go outside? Do you want to take a bath with Ernie? Do you want to watch Baby Signing Time?" I miss him. . .two years later, I still miss him. I always will.

Friday, September 25, 2009 - Update

If someone were to ask me the most challenging part of being a parent (besides the obvious NICU stay/premature birth) I would have to say eating. It has been challenging from the very beginning. She started off on breastmilk with fortifier added. I pumped for 8 months because breastfeeding never took off. It's difficult to start them on a bottle and then expect to switch back. Then, we had her reflux issues, obvious pain when she ate and daily vomiting. Not daily spit up. . .daily projectile vomiting. . .those who have experienced the latter know the difference. She is very apprehensive about things being put in her mouth. We tried many different formulas and settled on Enfamil AR (that has added rice cereal) When she turned a year old, we switched to Enfamil Next Step, which Olivia is still on. She loves it! She hates milk. . .the only way we get her to drink milk is to make strawberry (and sometimes chocolate) milk. Currently, she takes 3 bottles a day along with 3 meals a day. She is very picky about food and would eat fruit all day if she could. How do I complain about that? And, her choice of drink is ah-ger (water.) Again, it's healthy, but. . .doesn't quite put on the weight. Yes, then the weight is another tough issue. If only she'd gain a few more pounds so mama wouldn't worry about it so much. She is still hovering around 20 lbs. We're thinking about getting Duocal to add some calories to the few foods that she does eat. Speaking of foods, here is her current list of "eatable" foods that I can consistently get her to eat.

Velveeta Shells and Cheese (she'd have this every day if she could)
toast (with butter only)
Fruit (strawberries, grapes, cherries, apples, peaches)
Pizza
Club crackers with spreadable cheese, Goldfish and other various crackers
Cheerios
Gerber Puffs and Yogurt Melts (I'm trying to get her off of these since they don't add many calories.)
Gerber Farmer's Market Vegetables and Gerber Sweet Potatoes and Turkey (one of the only ways that she gets vegetables.)
Fruit snacks
French fries
Pretzel with cheese from the mall
Chocolate chip ice cream
Oh, and how could I forget? Sara Lee Cheesecake Bites

I'm almost out of ideas and I wish she would develop even a little love of food. Currently, she loves her bottle and who would have thought that would ever happen. :)

Mmm. . .ah-ger!!

I'm going to be a tulip fairy for Halloween. Do I really have to wear this on my head, though?

Picture

Comfy jam jams and crackers. . .could life be any better?

Wednesday, September 23, 2009 - Update

Olivia and I have had such a great day. We started out this morning at Babies R Us and bought a few things that we needed. Since it was such a nice day outside, we walked over to PetSmart. I go a week without any pets and I start going crazy, I guess. Plus, Olivia loves to look at the animals. Of course, I found two rats that I would love to have. (For those who haven't yet heard my pro-rat ramblings. . .they are amazing pets.) They were cuddled up together in a corner. Then, I found a kitty named Lexi up for adoption. She seemed really sweet, although that's hard to tell from inside a cage. She definitely looked exactly like the kind of cat I always pictured having. . .sort of a brown, tan, orange tabby. She was a rescued stray and was listed as special needs. Of course, if Olivia had her way. . .she would have picked the dwarf hamsters that made her laugh and laugh. Or the chinchilla that she kept calling a kitty. Anyway, NO animals came home with us, but we had fun looking. Then, the two of us went out to lunch at Pizza Hut. Olivia gets so excited for pizza, although she rarely eats much of it. . .or anything for that matter. Of course, we went to Babies R Us to buy her the Halloween costume that I fell in love with some time ago. They no longer had one in her size. I was thinking, however, of her going as this tulip fairy. What do you think?

My Little Fashion Princess

Monday, September 21, 2009 - Update

Sorry, these pictures were taken with my iphone, so they are not the clearest.

Olivia discovered that she loves to slide.

Olivia had another eye appointment this morning. Those things are so difficult for her. If anyone messes with her eyes or points a light anywhere near them, she completely breaks down. My own counselor has a lot of experience with childhood trauma and implicit memories or those that evoke strong emotions, but aren't consciously understood. I think Olivia's NICU eye exams were very traumatic for her (they had to use an instrument to pry her eyes open) and while on the ventilator, she couldn't even cry. I think she associates anyone messing with her eyes automatically as painful, but doesn't know why. I think a lot of her sensory issues are like that. She doesn't necessarily have a problem touching different textures, she has a problem with things and people touching or constraining her. Just simply brushing her teeth, clipping her nails, measuring her feet, or washing her hair is awful for her. As a mother, it breaks my heart and I don't always know what to do. It will be years before I actually attempt to paint her toenails or do anything that isn't "necessary." Even putting her hair in a ponytail causes many, many tears. I don't want to put her through the anguish, although I wonder if exposure will help. It made me angry when her doctor told me that she is just an anxious child. She really is not at all, it's just certain situations (especially those with any type of containment) are very difficult for her. I think it would be very difficult to spend so much time in the NICU when you should still be in the womb and not have any psychological effects from it. Please continue to pray for her healing in this area.

The good news is that we don't have to go back to the eye doctor for 6 months. It seems that her glasses are helping her enough that we have avoided a second surgery for now. Her eyes still cross without them on, but do pretty well with her glasses on. The more and the longer she wears her glasses, hopefully, the stronger her eye muscles become which can improve the outcome of a future surgery. We are so grateful.

Wacky Random Conversations

1)

Me: Olivia really needs a cat. . .she LOVES cats.

Ryan: Olivia LOVES her potty and you don't have to clean up after that.

Me: You don't?

Ryan: Well, you don't have to take it to the vet.

2)

Ryan: I'm trying to figure out the SyFy theme of the day. Is it giant insects? Or maybe it's about earth people.

Me: And by earth people, you mean humans?

Ryan: Uhhhh

3)

So, we decided to get some buffalo wings for dinner. Neither of us like buffalo wings, nor do we ever really eat them. But, they sounded good tonight for some reason.

Me: Aren't they really just chicken thighs?

Ryan: They're chicken wings, honey.

4)

We ordered some from Pizza Hut Wing Street along with some tater tots.

Ryan: Why are all of the tater tots in the shape of M's???

Me: Dumb blank stare

Ryan: Oh, they're W's.

Happy Birthday Grandpa Glunt!

First time my Grandpa Glunt held me!

Trying to make sure I'm a Wildcat fan!

Mama says we need to get a more recent picture taken! Thanks for always making me smile!

I love you, Grandpa!