Saturday, April 4, 2009 - Update

Do you ever have days where you are just angry and you don't really know why? That was how today was for me and I could never quite put my finger on the reason. Maybe it was the 40 mph wind gusts that made it next to impossible to do anything outside. Within seconds my hair was beyond repair. Why exactly is Kansas so windy? There's something about windy days that just make me irritable.

Maybe it was because Olivia was a bit cranky as well and would not sit still for a single diaper change. It has become next to impossible to keep her on her back to change her diaper. . .let alone change her clothes.

Maybe it was because my husband has been working a lot. Don't get me wrong, I appreciate all that he does to support his family, but I hate to see him work so hard. And, it makes both of our days longer than they should be.

Maybe it was because I wore my March for Babies team t shirt today. I wasn't going to wear it until the walk, but I figured, "What could happen?" I somehow got black stains all over it and I pre-treated it three times and washed it twice and I can still see them!!

Maybe it is because the RSV season was extended, which means we are still not out of the woods. I'm ready to fill my days with playdates and fun-filled afternoons, but instead I have to remain cautious. At least if the weather was nicer (and not so windy) we could do more things outside instead of sitting in the house and twiddling our thumbs. I think we've been to Target every day this week. . .hmmm. . .

Maybe it is because I've spent too much money this week because I'm desperate to get out of the house and so I go places and buy stuff.

Maybe it is because I'm dreading Olivia's eye appointment on Monday when they have to dilate her eyes. Last time they dilated her eyes. . .three people had to hold her down and she screamed like she's never screamed before. It was awful. They are supposed to determine whether she needs another surgery or glasses. I can't keep shoes, socks, hats, or sunglasses on Olivia. . .how in the world will I keep glasses on her?

Maybe it is because I'm completely off of my less-gluten, less carbs, less sugar diet. I actually had a Pepsi today for the first time in 5 months. . .and an iced tea and an Excedrin. And, I was still angry.

Maybe I should just go to bed.

Random Conversations

Me: Look, honey, it's Olivia's first ponytail!

Ryan: That is the silliest looking ponytail I've ever seen. Don't post a picture on the blog.
Me: Ooops. . .Okay, so she doesn't quite have enough hair yet, but I had to document the occasion.

Me: Yay Olivia! You found the red ball.
Ryan: A ball is also called a sphere and remember, Olivia, a sphere is a circle rotated in three dimensional space.
(Olivia continues playing with the ball.)
Ryan: But, we'll call it a ball because that's what your classmates will call it.

Me: I'm not a competitive person, but whenever I put my time and energy into something. . .I have to be the best at it! What is that called?
Ryan: Being competitive.

Me: Say mama
Olivia: Dada
Me: Mama
Olivia: Fafa
Me: No, Mama
Olivia: Gaga
Me: Mama
Olivia: Heeheehee

Ryan: Our lives sure are different now.
Me: Yep
Ryan: Completely different than they used to be.
Me: Yep. What do you think is the biggest change?
Ryan: We have a little girl that lives in our house now.

Sweetest little girl in the whole world. Thanks for letting me share her life with you.

March of Dimes Update

Olivia and Logan Team

We're going to have a great team this year. So far, our team consists of:

Ryan, Me, Olivia, Kerry, Carol, Lindsay, Lorna, Grandma and Grandpa Sailing, Holli, Steve, Marilee, Don, Shelley, Izzy, Joel, Laura, Julia, Rebekah, Kris, Kim, Alex, Katie, Aidan, Kaleb

If I missed you and you plan on attending, be sure to let me know. We also have a lot of additional people who may be able to walk on our team as well. Remember, it is Saturday, April 18th beginning at 9 am!! Walk starts at 10 am. Thank you so much for your continued support. As a team, we have raised almost $1200! If you still wish to donate and plan to pay by cash or check. . . be sure to get the money to me BEFORE April 15th. I will be turning all money in on that day. Thanks again!

And The Winner Is. . . .

Thursday, April 2, 2009 - Update

I love to walk and follow mommy around the house.

Mommy calls me her little duckling. . .

That's okay because I like ducks!

Olivia is getting better and better at walking. She really enjoys it when she can follow you around the house. . . .it's all that she wants to do actually. Ryan described it best when he said that he feels like Olivia is a little duckling. I guess that makes me the mommy duck. I figured that since we do this for a few hours a day, I might as well add some music to make it more enjoyable. So, while walking around the house to music with Olivia right behind me, I might as well add some dancing. She thinks this is hilarious and will even start clapping her hands. Let's just hope no one comes to the front door as we are walking by.

More Preemies Need Our Prayers

Logan James

Born February 24, 2009

1 lb 12.5 oz

11.75 inches long

Silas

Born March 23, 2009 (He shares a birthday with Ryan!)

2 lbs 1 oz

13.5 inches long

Born at 24 weeks, 6 days

Both of these precious little boys are at Wesley Medical Center, where Olivia spent her 105 days. Please take a moment to say a prayer for them and their families. Both of them happen to be friends of my blog readers. I hope that they know I will provide any support to them that I can.

Don't Miss Out!!

Don't forget that everyone who has donated to the Olivia and Logan team by the end of today (April 1st) will be entered into a drawing for an Olivia and Logan team canvas tote bag. So, if you're going to donate, do so by the end of the day today!!! Olivia will pick the winner later this week. Good Luck!!

Wednesday, April 1, 2009 - Update

Yesterday, I had the rare opportunity to have the entire afternoon and most of the evening to myself. I went to the chiropractor, ran some errands and got my haircut. It's getting easier not to spend all of my time fretting over Olivia, but I still have a long ways to go. I still can't truly relax. I realized something. . .I don't think I have truly relaxed in 2 years. Then, I had the years of fertility treatments before that which are not too relaxing (despite the annoying "just relax" advice.) Even when it looks like I'm relaxing. . .my mind is going a mile a minute. Yes, Olivia has only had one single cold in her entire life, but it has been exhausting to keep it that way. When we are out in public, I listen for every cough and avoid that general area, I try to only go to places with automatic doors, I scrutinize every move that anyone makes. Honestly, I hate it. I want to feel carefree again. I want to go on a vacation, but most of all. . . I want to RELAX.

Prayer Requests

It has been a difficult week for many of my friends and fellow micro-preemie moms. My heart just breaks for them. Many of you follow Coy's blog. Coy is a fellow 23-weeker whose mom is pregnant with his little sister. Coy's mom, AnnMarie was placed on bedrest for contractions at 18 weeks and my prayer is that (as difficult as it is) she is on bedrest for many more months.

Some of you know precious Ashton, a fellow 24 weeker, whose mother was due with baby #2 in August. Her water broke last week and she went into labor over the weekend at about 18.5 weeks. Sweet Hunter Jeffrey weighed 225 grams and is now with my sweet Logan in heaven. My heart is breaking for this family.

I told you last year of Heather and her fight with Stage IV melanoma cancer. She has been undergoing chemotherapy for the last 8 months and despite these efforts. . .the cancer is back. She has an appointment next week with the Cancer Center of America.

Now, I don't know what it's like to be fighting cancer, but I know what it's like to wonder "why me?" I know what it's like to experience unimaginable fear and anxiety. Whenever I learn of a micro-preemie mom who is pregnant again, I feel hopeful that maybe it is possible to try again. When I hear of any complications, my hopes are dashed again and again. Please keep these precious families in your prayers.

Tuesday, March 31, 2009 - Update

Why can't I go sledding again?

Well, what happened to all of the snow? (Notice Ryan working hard on the t-shirts in the background.)

I'm glad we took advantage of the snow when we did because it started to melt on Sunday afternoon. By Monday. . .it was all gone.

Today, we made a quick trip to the mall and had a really good time. Olivia and I shared a soft pretzel and a strawberry lemonade. I love that I can buy Olivia drinks when we're out since she has become a master at the straw. It makes it a lot easier and I haven't found much that she won't drink. I'm fine taking her places if she can stay in her stroller, there isn't a crowd and nobody pays attention to us. . .at least I'm getting more comfortable with it. It was hard today, however, because the Easter bunny was at the mall. He was just sitting up there all by himself. . .no other children around and I really wanted Olivia's picture taken with him. But, I couldn't bring myself to do it. . .who knows how many children have sat on his lap and I couldn't really ask the Easter bunny to wash and sanitize his furry paws. Of course, Olivia would have hated it and probably cried and cried, but the thought of having my child's picture taken with the Easter bunny just seems like a normal parent thing to do and I'm so ready to be normal. My heart nearly burst when the Easter bunny waved at Olivia. . . and she waved back. It was too cute. Maybe next year. . . .

Monday, March 30, 2009 - Update

Me and my daddy

This card is so cool!

Sharing a family laugh. .

Over the weekend, we celebrated Ryan's birthday with my parents. They watched Olivia so that Ryan and I could go out to lunch together. Too bad I had an awful headache yesterday. . .otherwise I would have enjoyed it a little more. My parents got Ryan a card that played music when you opened it. Olivia thought it was the best thing in the world and it is now her new favorite toy. She kept opening and closing it and smiling each and every time. Note to self: For her birthday, be sure to get her a musical card.

Olivia's First Sled Ride

It was a beautiful morning to play out in the snow, so we bundled Olivia up and out we went. She hated the bundling up part, but I think she realized it was worth it when she got to ride in her sled. She was all smiles and absolutely loved it. I knew she was done, however, when she started pulling off her mittens and hat. Then, poor daddy had to shovel snow. . .

Sunday, March 29, 2009 - Update

I have a feeling this is how we're going to feel today.

We didn't sleep much in our house last night. It has been pure bliss at night for the last couple of weeks. Olivia usually doesn't make a peep all night long after we sort of drew a hard line earlier this month. Last night, she woke up around 12:30 am. We went in, laid her back down, covered her up and left. She stood back up and cried and we repeated it again. Usually, twice is all that is needed and she gets the point and goes back to bed. Last night, she kept crying and crying until it sounded like she started throwing up. So, I went in and got her to make sure she was okay. Thankfully, no vomit, but since I was now holding her, I figured I would hold her until she fell back to sleep. An hour later. . .she's still awake. By the time, she fell asleep, I was asleep too. . . on the recliner. . .not good on my neck. I wake up at 3:30 am, put her back in her crib and she wakes up. . .wailing again. Ryan takes over at this point and he continues to lay her back down for what seems like forever. Then, she wakes up an hour and a half earlier than usual. Thankfully, it's the weekend which means I get some extra sleep this morning, however, I think our house may be extra cranky today.