Saturday, May 24, 2008 - Update

Look at what my mom and dad got me!
It's only the most fun EVER!

While Ryan and I were out shopping today, we picked up the Rainforest Jumperoo for Olivia. I went against most physical therapists who do not recommend them for these various reasons.

They believe it's bad for their hip and back development and can predispose them to walk on their toes. I would think this would be especially worrisome for preemies as problems with muscle tone are a big concern. Is it sometimes possible to do too much research and know too much? Anyway, so why did I get it for her, you ask? It just looks like so much fun! I knew that Olivia would love something like this as she loves to stand! I can't help but believe that it's one of those things that are fine in moderation. I'm not going to leave her in it for hours at a time. I don't see why 15-20 minutes a day would be harmful. . .

Friday, May 23, 2008 - Update

Olivia and Stacie

Some days a girl just needs her best friend and luckily that was what I got today. Stacie came over and Olivia and I probably bored her to death, but it was really nice to see her. Lately, I've been getting cabin fever. . .I don't know why it's hitting me now after spending most of the winter in my house. I am actually able to get out a bit now. Tomorrow, Ryan and I are going to go to lunch just the two of us and do some shopping. I'm looking forward to that. I meant to write the update sooner (when the mood struck me) but, our Internet was down most of the afternoon.

You know, Memorial Day weekend always meant fun times, cook-outs, three day weekends. . .it takes on a whole new meaning this year as I remember my son. I'm going to try to go out and visit him every day. Hopefully, Ryan and I will make it out there together on Saturday. Memorial Day will forever mean something else entirely to me.

Thursday, May 22, 2008 - Update

I have no idea how Olivia knew that David Cook would win from the beginning. Kinda weird. Future talent scout, maybe?

Anyway, my soap opera is doing a premature birth story line. Part of me is thankful for that as a way to spread awareness. I can't help but find all of the things that they are doing wrong, however. They haven't disclosed how premature the little boy was, and that makes a huge difference. The doctor said, "I've delivered babies as early as 24 weeks. . " so he's no 23-weeker like Olivia. Despite the inconsistencies with the storyline, I still cried when Kayla was giving birth. It was very difficult to be told to push when you know that you are thrusting your baby into a world that they are not ready for. Thoughts of that will always bring tears to my eyes as will the fact that I'll never be 100% sure of what caused my premature labor. They are pretty sure that it was due to an incompetent cervix, but I've talked to other people who were told that as well. It's after having a cerclage put in and delivering prematurely again. . .that they realize it was in fact caused by something else entirely. On top of that, other people who have had vertical c-sections have been advised not to have any more children. I have a wonderful family, however, and Olivia is everything I could ask for in a daughter. The three of us have this amazingly strong bond. We've been through so much. . .the three of us. We couldn't have gotten through everything without each other.

Oh, and ladies. . .I had a great time at Kobe's last night. It was nice to get out for a girl's night. Thank you.

Wednesday, May 21, 2008 - Update

Olivia's first crush. . .

I don't know how many of you watch American Idol, but Ryan and I have watched most of the past 7 seasons. Since the beginning of this season, the three of us have tried to watch it in the evenings. A few months ago (when it was still the top 24) Olivia didn't care anything about it. She didn't even pay attention to the television. . . .except when David Cook was on. Every week, she made a point to watch David Cook and smile at him on t.v. He wasn't even one of my favorites, but Olivia sure sees something in him. Does that mean she's going to like the rocker type? David Cook made it into the top 2 and the finale is tonight. Ryan and I haven't voted all season, but last night I had to cast a vote in favor of David Cook because I know he gets Olivia's vote. I'm, however, kind of rooting for David Archuleta. (But, don't tell Olivia that.)

Prayer Request

Many of you know my sister-in-law, Laura. (She is married to Ryan's brother.) She just found out today that her brother, Steve, has Stage III colon cancer. He meets with his oncologist this Friday for a plan of attack and at least 6 months of chemo. Please say a prayer for him and his family.

I don't know if I have mentioned this before, but Ryan's aunt Peggy has also been having a tough fight with cancer. Please pray for Peggy and her family as well.

I get a lot of prayer requests and I know that I don't have the chance to post all of them. Sometimes I feel that I don't have all of the information. Please know that I have appreciated all of your continued prayers for me and my family and I would be more than willing to say a prayer for yours.

Tuesday, May 20, 2008 - Update

Here I am with Kerry at the zoo!

Look at all of those giraffes!

I enjoyed my trip to the zoo.

I got to see my cousin, Izzy. . .

and my aunt Shelley!

Silly cousins!

Shelley and Izzy

Kerry, me and mommy

**Be sure to check out Kerry's blog for more zoo pictures. The hippo came right up to us and opened his mouth. Izzy loved the hippos and didn't want to leave.

Monday, May 19, 2008 - Update

My week didn't get off to a very good start as it began with an emergency trip to the vet. My rat (Olivia the rat) was bleeding. . .profusely from her "lady parts," as my husband said. Of course, she was happily slurping up her strawberry Ensure as she was bleeding all over the place. Thank goodness we have a "back up" vet because our primary one wasn't in and his partner doesn't know anything about rats or guinea pigs. It is believed that Olivia the rat had a uterine tumor that ruptured. All signs point towards possible cancer somewhere in the reproductive system. Invasive surgery for a 2 year old rat would be very hard on her. I just want to make her as comfortable and happy as I can for as long as she's here with me. I worry about losing one rat before the other. . .they are inseparable. . .more so than any of the guinea pigs. They sleep together, groom each other, play with each other, fight with each other, etc. Our back up vet doesn't know anything about what has happened in our lives over the past year and I didn't mention anything. When she told me that my sweet rat most likely had cancer, I think she was expecting me to break down. I felt like saying. . ."You have no idea what I've had to endure. Some things just don't phase me as much anymore." Don't get me wrong, I'm still heart broken over the fact that my rat probably won't be with me that much longer. . .things are just different.

Sometimes I wonder if there is still any resemblance to the person that I used to be. . .before I gave birth at 23 weeks. . .before I watched my babies fighting for their lives. . .before I lost my son. . .before I waited 105 days to take my daughter home. . .before I lived in constant fear of the repercussions of such an early birth. Truth is, I'm not the same person. I don't know if I'm better or worse. I'm a bit more bitter, solemn, angry and sad some days. Some days I'm so grateful for witnessing one of God's great miracles. Yet, I question why I couldn't have witnessed two miracles. Some days I just don't know how I feel.

Sunday, May 18, 2008 - Update

Our little sunshine

Olivia had a really good day today. She was able to visit both sets of grandparents. How many children get to do that when it's not even their birthday? She acted just like an angel and looked like one too.