Saturday, March 1, 2008 - Update

Whatchu talkin bout Willis?

I can't believe it's March already. I've never been so excited for the arrival of Spring. Olivia also just finished her very last Phenobarb bottle. Of course, we know now that it was probably not the cause of her vomiting as she still tends to do it once a day or every other day. So, we're not as excited as we thought we'd be, but it does make life a little easier. We do hold her upright after every bottle and she does spend some time upright in her swing. I do think positioning does contribute to her vomiting, however. She also seems to cough a lot and "chew" on something constantly, so I do believe the culprit is reflux.

Also, I did want to let everyone know that Ryan's uncle has been transferred to a rehabilitation hospital closer to home. He has been up walking and was able to speak (one word) for the first time yesterday. We are grateful for his recovery and hope he continues to improve each day.

Infertility

Infertility

by Jodi Glunt

The months go by and turn to years
While the void remains unfilled.
My hopes are shattered along with dreams
Of the family I cannot build.

I think of all the lullabies
That will remain unsung
Of all the Christmas stockings
On our hearth that won’t be hung.

I pray to God down on my knees
Please help me understand
Take away this undying desire
Or take hold of my hand.

I no longer pray for children
Instead I pray for peace
Within my heart, within my mind
I need God’s expertise.

Help me to show my husband
How very dear he is to me
Help me to live a life fulfilled
Despite infertility.

This is a poem that I wrote about a month before I found out that I was pregnant. I used to think that there were two types of people in the world. . .the fertile and the infertile. Now I find myself somewhere in the middle. I have my beautiful daughter, but I lost my son and I don't think I could ever consider myself fertile. I'll never forget how hard that journey was. The most recurring emotion that I felt was that of complete unfairness. We grow up learning about how to be fair and wait your turn only to grow up and realize that life isn't fair at all. I know so many people still struggling with their journey to parenthood. I literally had stopped praying for a child. . .I only wanted to become satisfied with my life. . .however it turned out. I wanted to stop wanting something that I might never have. I just wanted peace. I pray that all of you find peace in your life as well.

Thursday, February 28, 2008 -Update

You want me to drink this stuff?

Olivia and I are quite the pair. . .sleep, eat, eat, sleep. That's most of what we did all day. I was so excited that she made it through the whole day yesterday without any vomiting. Then, at 8:00 this morning, up it came. I'm growing so stressed about the whole thing. We decided to follow our pediatrician's recommendation and switch her to Alimentum. That lasted all of two seconds. Not only does that stuff contain about half of the vitamins and nutrients of NeoSure, it is twice as expensive and it is some foul tasting stuff. I know because I tasted a drop of it. . .it tastes like dog food flavored water. I tried giving it to Olivia. She was so excited that it was time to eat and took one taste of her bottle and started crying. I haven't gotten her to take much of her NeoSure since then. She just keeps looking at me suspiciously. I truly believe that it is reflux as it is so common especially in preemies. I think it has gotten progressively worse because as she's growing, her Reglan dosage is becoming less and less effective. When she was in the hospital, her neo suspicioned that she had reflux. At that time, instead of throwing up, she would brady. She now has begun throwing up about once a day. We've stopped trying to figure out why it's happening. . .if it's going to happen, it's going to happen. We finally got smart and put a blanket over the chair. That way we can just throw the blanket, her clothes and our clothes into the washer instead of cleaning up the chair every time. I'm not quite sure why it took us weeks to figure that one out. I know many of you have stated that medications like Zantac and Prevacid have helped tremendously. Have any specific formulas helped as well (other than Alimentum or Nutramigen. . .aren't they about the same thing?) I don't think I'm going to leave the pediatrician's office until we have a prescription for something. It can't be healthy to throw up that forcefully every day.

Wednesday, February 27, 2008 - Update

Only a daddy of a little girl carries a pink blanket

I can't believe Olivia is six months old already. Happy Birthday to my precious little girl!! I got out and made my much anticipated trip to Target today. It was nice to open my sunroof, crank up the radio and get out of the house for a bit. I picked Olivia up some adorable outfits, a Bumbo chair and giraffe lawn chair. I was almost giddy walking down the toy aisle. I can't wait to find out which toys Olivia falls in love with. I still have my childhood toys in the basement. . .many of which are still popular today. My niece says that my old My Little Ponies are the best, so apparently 80s ponies are superior to those of today. I met some friends for dinner tonight at Cracker Barrel and it was nice to see them again. Of course, I had to take two showers today. . .one after Target and one after Cracker Barrel. I gotta keep those germies away. It was nice to get out, but I was anxious to get back home to Olivia. I just love being a mom.

Oh, and very interesting comments about the witching hour. I had never heard of that, but it sounds exactly like what's going on. And, when I think about it. . .of course a daughter of Ryan's would have a 'witching hour' given his fascination with Halloween. :) Now, we just have to find an explanation for the vomiting.

Tuesday, February 26, 2008 - Update

You're not Olivia. . .you're a pig.

Where oh where did my 4 am go? Olivia has now decided to wake me up twice in the night. She used to sleep for 5 - 6 hours straight. I'm not quite sure how this happened. I asked her once at 5:30 am why we were doing this again when we were just up at 2:30 am and she just grinned at me.

Ryan and I have noticed that during the day Olivia is the most happy-go-lucky, easy-going baby in the world. When evening rolls around, she just falls apart. Granted, all of us have probably fallen apart at the end of our days on occasion, but her days shouldn't be that much different than her nights. She just starts crying inconsolably most every night like clockwork (some nights, however, are worse than others.) Usually, it only lasts about 30 mintues to an hour tops. I thought colicky babies cried for hours. We've always suspicioned that it was the Phenobarb and it might be, but last night it all started before we gave it to her. Is it true colic? I guess we'll know more when she finishes her medicine at the end of this week. It just breaks my heart to see the tears streaming down her cheeks. It doesn't make a difference if she's slept well through the day or not as I once thought it was because she was tired. After she goes to sleep at night and wakes up in the early morning. . .she's back to being smiley and the cycle repeats itself.

Monday, February 25, 2008 - Update

Thanks for loaning me this outfit, Izzy!
My mom thinks I look adorable in it.

I think I do too!

It took me all afternoon to log into blogger to write an update. I was getting so very frustrated and now that I'm finally in. . .I'm not in the mood anymore to write. Okay. . .deep breath. . .it's just been one of those days where everything is frustrating me. Ryan put a new, adorable outfit on Olivia this morning because she was meeting her new teacher from Rainbows. I absolutely love this outfit. Something about the colors on it match her eyes and her skin tone perfectly. After doing well for the last few days, she threw up all over it. I did manage to get it washed and dried and put back on before her teacher came. Olivia had never thrown up in the morning before. . .we thought it was only an evening thing. We go into see her pediatrician next Monday for her 6 month vaccinations, so hopefully we can figure out what's going on (and maybe get on some Zantac or something like that.) I hate that I don't know what's wrong or how to help her. Other than that, she is her usual happy, wonderful self.

Olivia is, of course, still madly in love with her Gumdrop pacifier from the hospital. I have tried to get her to take other kinds, but when I do she looks at me like I'm trying to replace her best friend. Luckily, I found a site online where you can purchase them. They only come in the newborn size and I think they're getting a little small for her. Any advice? I thought that the soothie pacifiers were similar enough, but Olivia knows the difference.

Sunday, February 24, 2008 - Update

One of the overwhelming comments that we receive from people who look at pictures of Olivia is that she is always smiling. She truly is a very happy baby (except sometimes in the late evening and we're still not quite sure why.) I remember seeing her endure so much while in the NICU and wondering if she'll ever even have a reason to smile. Thinking about it now, I realize that she has many reasons to smile. She has a mom and dad who love her so incredibly much. Sometimes I feel like I'm running out of ways to express to her how much I love her. She has both sets of grandparents less than 20 minutes away. Her aunts and uncles love her. . .her cousins absolutely adore her and she hasn't even met them yet. She receives gifts and cards in the mail from people she doesn't even know. She is one of the most prayed for little girls in the world. Yes, I think she many reasons to smile. . . .and she ain't seen nothing yet.