Infertility

Infertility

by Jodi Glunt

The months go by and turn to years
While the void remains unfilled.
My hopes are shattered along with dreams
Of the family I cannot build.

I think of all the lullabies
That will remain unsung
Of all the Christmas stockings
On our hearth that won’t be hung.

I pray to God down on my knees
Please help me understand
Take away this undying desire
Or take hold of my hand.

I no longer pray for children
Instead I pray for peace
Within my heart, within my mind
I need God’s expertise.

Help me to show my husband
How very dear he is to me
Help me to live a life fulfilled
Despite infertility.

This is a poem that I wrote about a month before I found out that I was pregnant. I used to think that there were two types of people in the world. . .the fertile and the infertile. Now I find myself somewhere in the middle. I have my beautiful daughter, but I lost my son and I don't think I could ever consider myself fertile. I'll never forget how hard that journey was. The most recurring emotion that I felt was that of complete unfairness. We grow up learning about how to be fair and wait your turn only to grow up and realize that life isn't fair at all. I know so many people still struggling with their journey to parenthood. I literally had stopped praying for a child. . .I only wanted to become satisfied with my life. . .however it turned out. I wanted to stop wanting something that I might never have. I just wanted peace. I pray that all of you find peace in your life as well.