Monday, January 28, 2008

Monday, January 28, 2008 - Remembering Logan

My sweet Logan William

It was four months ago today that I lost my sweet Logan and experienced what became the worst day of my life. The day of their birth was a close second which leaves me wondering how to fill out Olivia's baby book. There is a page dedicated to telling her about how wonderful the day of her birth was. I know that not many of you were able to meet Logan, but he was such a sweet, adorable little boy.

I came across a website the other day on prematurity that really frustrated me. It made it sound as if prematurity is caused by something that the mother did. The list of risk factors for prematurity included: low income, uneducated mothers with no prenatal care and poor nutrition. If those are the risk factors that doctors and nurses go by, no wonder my symptoms weren't taken seriously. I hope that the March of Dimes continues to do more to spread awareness than by just restating the obvious. I have met many people, like myself, who tried to do everything right. I had what could be considered 'prenatal care' for two and a half years. I saw ultrasound pictures of the follicles that contained the eggs that would later become my children. I was on prenatal vitamins for two and a half years and Ryan and I had every test imaginable done. . .and I still gave birth prematurely. It can happen to anyone.

I debated about whether to post Logan's marker pictures, but I decided to do so because this blog is dedicated to Olivia and Logan. This is my reality and my experiences on a daily basis. If I live to be 90 years old, I will still visit his gravesite and remember that I had an amazing son.


Anonymous said...

What an adorable marker. I know you are suffering today. Just know that there are A LOT of people thinking about you today and every day. May you and Ryan draw strength from each other and may Olivia draw smiles from you both.


Anonymous said...

I know it is a hard day, but remember today Logan is giving you hope and strength and from heaven He's smiling to see His sister doing so well, He'll forever be the angel that takes care of Dad, Mom and his amazing twin sister.

The marker is very nice.
God Bless you all.
God is awesome:)

Anonymous said...

I can only try to undestand how difficult it is for any parent to lose a child. There is much still to learn about premaurity. Some of the risk factors you listed may be somewhat judgemental you know as well as I do that there are a hundred more reasons why well-educated young adults with enough income to support 10 kids sometimes deliver early. I have also seen low-income 15 year-old high school drop outs that put their unborn child and prenatal care above all else and still deliver early. As a nurse in NICU I have to believe that things happen for a reason. I hope I never have to experience what the parents of the babies I take care of go through everyday. But, if I do, I hope I can handle the struggles put before me with as much grace and trust as Ryan and you have. (I won't post my name due to speaking of personal beliefs but I'm sure Jodi knows who wrote this!)

Anonymous said...

What a beautiful marker!
It is perfect.
God bless you, Ryan and Olivia.
We are thinking of you today.
You are loved by so many....

Anonymous said...

The marker is perfect. Like mentioned above "Logan is giving you hope and strength from heaven...."

Anonymous said...

I read a quote that a woman said was helpful when her youngest son passed away. "For every joy that passes, something beautiful remains." I thought this was particularly true in the case of these very loved twins. A line from Elizabeth Barrett Browning's poem "How Do I Love Thee?" also stuck out to me with more meaning than ever before. "I love thee with the love of my lost saints." Logan is one of my lost saints and I will shower his love on Olivia and Jodi and Ryan. How comforting to know he is in heaven and all those who believe in Christ will meet him someday.