Friday, December 21, 2007 - Update

Olivia met Great-Grandma Glunt for the first time.

Olivia's first snuggle with Aunt Kim.


I have been thinking a lot about Logan today and have just broken down into tears. Sometimes I try to push him to the back of my mind and then I feel guilty about doing so. I mean. . Olivia shouldn’t have a mom who is sad all of the time. But, sometimes I just miss him so much. I wonder what he would be like right now and I realize that I will always think that. As Olivia grows older and experiences every milestone in life. . .I’ll wonder what it would have been like for Logan. I still love him so much. At the same time, there is never a second where I am not grateful that I have my Olivia. I feel selfish sometimes for wanting to have them both. These emotions I feel everyday. . . .I just try to suppress them most of the time.

We did start Olivia on a 4 hour / ad lib feeding overnight. We want her to wake up on her own when she’s hungry. So far, we’ve had mixed results. . .we’ll see if we are able to keep up her calorie count. Usually at night, I stay up with her after her 10 pm feeding for quite awhile. We watch Nick@Nite together (don’t worry, as soon as she’s old enough to realize that she has a t.v. in her room. . .we are going to take it out. It’s just easier to move the t.v. into her room than to move her out of her room.) I’m sure pretty soon, however, she’ll be singing the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air song. Anyway, last night she went right to sleep at 10:30 pm and I put her back in her crib. You’d think that I would have relished the idea of going to sleep early, but I just sat in the recliner and waited for her to wake up. Finally at about 1:45 in the morning, I heard her stirring and couldn’t wait to get her up. Yes, I know. . .pretty weird. She likes to climb up my chest so that her head is nestled right under my chin. As much as I can’t wait to watch her grow up, I just treasure her right now as a baby.