Wednesday, July 16, 2008 - Update

My mood has been heavy lately. I think many reasons factor into that. I think of Logan a lot. The other night I had my second dream about him, although it wasn't quite as lovely as the last. I won't go into all of the specifics, but I was at some sort of hotel suite with other people. I remember asking everyone where Logan was and was told that they put him to bed in the bedroom. I walked in to find a lot of babies sleeping and I didn't know which one was Logan. I couldn't recognize him. Then, a teenage boy walked up to me and called me mom. I assumed that because Olivia was a baby in the dream, that Logan was too. I miss him. I've realized that I will always miss him. There will always be an empty place in our family that can never be filled. The pain doesn't hurt as much as it did in those first few weeks, but instead of decreasing over time, I believe it sort of plateaus.

The recent news of Heather's diagnosis of cancer has a lot of us shook up. It just doesn't seem fair. Why is there so much suffering? Why are we given so much to handle? Ryan's aunt Peggy is still fighting a hard fight with cancer. I know she's getting tired and the treatments are difficult. What advice and encouragement can I give to those people? I'm often at a loss for words. Many of us aren't strong enough to endure such hardship. I am reminded of a verse that has always meant a lot to me.

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Philippians 4:13

I believe that God does give people more than they can handle, but he doesn't give you any more than HE can handle. Our life on earth can be tough. Even if we lived to be 100 years old, our life on earth is just a tiny speck compared to our eternal life in heaven. That's what we have to look forward to. That is what will make our trials on earth worthwhile. My heart goes out to everyone enduring difficult times.