Wednesday, January 28, 2009

My Backwards Life

Just stoppin' by for some snacks.

Too bad that's the only food she'll eat. In a world driven by the need to lose weight, it always feels backwards to beg Olivia to eat. It's sort of like that time when Olivia had her EEG. I had to keep Olivia, a 2 month old adjusted baby, awake from 5 am until her EEG at 9 am. I realized that everything is geared towards putting a baby to sleep, not keeping a baby awake. That was tough and felt so backwards. I just kept changing her diaper and her clothes because that's all that worked. Speaking of sleep. . .

I have not been getting much of it lately. I don't know how I can be so tired all day and then completely unable to sleep at night. How backwards is that? The last two nights have been impossible and I didn't fall asleep until 3 am. I can't take any sleep aids because 1)they make my legs horribly restless and 2) they make me very groggy in the morning. I do, however, take magnesium glycinate and progesterone that is supposed to help. I count sheep, count backwards from 999, try to think of "nothing." You would think that if you laid down long enough you would eventually fall asleep. I have realized that when you are tired, you are amazed by many things, such as:

*How can my husband fall asleep the second his head hits the pillow?

*How do those morning newscasters get up and dressed and ready to be in front of the camera so early? It's after 3 pm and I still can't manage to get out of my pajama pants.

*Or, those construction workers building houses out in the freezing cold at 7 am in the morning?

I will admit, however, that every poem or piece of writing that I've written in my adult life was written in the middle of the night. So, maybe my insomnia is good for something. Do you remember the poem that I wrote for Logan last year? I never liked the ending verse and it always bothered me that I couldn't think of anything better. Well, the other night at 1:30 am, I thought of a better ending. The poem is now posted on the sidebar. Wish me better luck with sleep tonight! I just want my life to begin feeling a bit less backwards.

5 comments:

Heather @ boy, girl, and a pug said...

I hear ya on the no sleeping thing! Feel free to call me when you can't sleep! I'm probably up even though I am exhausted!

Amanda said...

Must be a mom thing... I used to go to bed around 11 at the latest! now, its never before 1 am, and usually more like 2!

Julia said...

Love the poem ending. I can also sympathize about a husband who falls asleep quickly. = )
laura

Anonymous said...

The poem is absolutely beautiful! You are a very talented writer! I hope you are able to get some rest. I'm so sorry you have to go through more trials right now!
love
Neva

Anonymous said...

When I can't sleep, I take a deep breath and relax every muscle in my body. It's amazing how tense I am until I make an effort to relax them. Even the muscles in my face are tense and smooshed up. Sounds so simple and silly but it really works.