Friday, March 13, 2009 - Update

Hello there new friend!
Are you real?

I dusted off the 'ole Fur Real Friends Luv Cub today to see what Olivia thought of it. Yes, it was mine. . .that I got as an adult. . .don't make fun, I thought he was adorable. Hmmm. . .can you not buy the Panda anymore except as a collectible? Olivia thought he was pretty fun and would sniff when he did. Still not as great as Funshine Bear, but not everything can be yellow. Next up. . .Furby.

Now, a subject that's been weighing on my heart . . I have often been confused about the purpose of prayer. Surely, if it truly worked, God would have heard my pleadings and saved my son. I’m not saying that we shouldn’t pray. . .I only question as to whether it makes a difference in outcomes. The other day, as I was staring at my amazing daughter, I became angry with myself. Every day, I experience one of God’s great miracles and one of the greatest prayers ever answered. I prayed every single day for the chance to be a mother and I am. It was a very difficult journey, but I am a mother nonetheless. After Logan died, I prayed and prayed for God to allow me to keep my precious Olivia and He did. I firmly believed that He healed her because every day there is less evidence of her premature birth. Sometimes when I talk with other preemie moms, I even feel guilty that she is doing so well and has escaped many of the disabilities that being born 17 weeks early can bring. I wonder why God couldn’t do the same with every premature baby or why they are even born so early at all? I’m sure others wonder why they have their son and I do not. Or, why their children were born full term and mine were not. I wonder why infertility, premature birth and infant mortality even exist. These are questions that I will never be able to answer. There is a part of me that will always be angry about losing Logan and a part of me that will always be empty. But, Olivia fills me with so much hope and happiness and love and I’m so grateful for that.

I do know that Olivia’s life is a miracle and a testament to God’s goodness. Her life has inspired so many and truly is an answer to prayer. I think many people go through life completely uninspired and devoid of the emotions needed to feel anything. Olivia seems to bring that goodness out of people. I love sharing her story. I love for people to be able to experience her love of life and her smile and her laugh and exuberance. . .something that I can’t always relay on the blog. She’s amazing. . .the perfect daughter that I always wanted, my miracle and an amazing answer to prayer. I love you, Olivia Paige!