Yesterday (yes, I’m about 30 minutes late) was World Prematurity Day. Since my blog is centered around the premature birth of my children, I felt I needed to contribute. I honestly could post one picture and it would just about say it all.
Olivia at just a few days old.
This picture can still bring me to tears. The uncertainty, the pure terror, the worry and anxiety, the confusion, the devastating loss, the panic at every ring of the phone, the grief, the pangs of guilt. . .it all still exists inside of me. As time goes by, the farther it gets pushed back, but it never takes much to bring it right back. A smell, a place, a comment. . .and there I am sitting in the NICU watching my babies fight for their lives. I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy. They say that what doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger. I don’t know that I’m any stronger. . .maybe I am. It’s made me feel more vulnerable, more aware, more cautious, more knowledgeable, but some days I still don’t feel very strong. Now, Olivia. . .she is the definition of strong. One would never peg her as strong with her petite frame and cautious spirit, but her strength never ceases to amaze me. She has an inner fight that will allow her to accomplish anything she desires.
I love how Olivia always refers to us as a family of five. . .always, without question. She talks almost daily about her brother. She will make sure he is never forgotten or overlooked. Yes, I am raising two children, but I am a mother of three. Prematurity can never take that away from me.