Wednesday, April 9, 2008

Wednesday, April 9, 2008 - Update

Everyone has heard of the age old question: Is your cup half empty or half full? I find that I ask myself a similar question: Are my arms half empty or half full? My answer varies from day to day. I feel like I've experienced the greatest of joys and the most devastating of losses. . .both at the same time. Many days I don't know how to feel.

Yesterday, I was thinking ahead to Olivia's 1st birthday. I think I'm going to buy her a kitchen with dishes and food (But, don't tell her. . it's a surprise.) I always get so excited to think about all of the things that I get to do for her. I love being the mother of a little girl. But, always. . .at the same time. . I mourn for the things that I don't get to do for Logan. My emotions are always all over the place. . .from happiness to sadness to anger to excitement. I'm a mother of twins. Why couldn't I have kept both of my babies? I try to rely on my trust in God and know that He knows what I need better than I do. It's easy to trust in God when what you want is what you're given, but life doesn't always work out that way. I'll never know why I lost Logan or why I had to give birth at 23 weeks. . .but, I pray every day that just knowing that God knows the answer will be enough for me.

1 comment:

Kerry said...

Oh and I wanted to say that this is a beautifully written post and a great analogy about your arms being half empty. I know you wish with all your heart that you could hold both your babies, one in each arm. It's not fair that you can't.