8 month/4 month stats: 12 lbs 6 oz, 23.5 in. long (Head circ. 39.5 in)Do you ever have those days where you just feel defeated and worn down? I'm having one of those days. Olivia had a pediatrician appt today. She had to have one of her HIB shots. There was some confusion over what kind of HIB shot she received in the NICU (one kind is given only twice and the other is given three times.) Well, she got one of each so she had to have another one. She was a trooper, as usual. I was concerned about a lump in her armpit that I found while giving her a bath last night. I guess it was just a fat roll, but that's okay. . .I'd rather feel stupid than have it be something serious.
We have had problems with her eyes since she was in the NICU. We have to clean them about 10+ times a day as there is constant discharge and matted eyelashes. We also do lacrimal massage. Sometimes we clean them so much that her poor eyes become raw. We have always been told they were blocked tear ducts. I guess tears pass through the lacrimal sac and down through the nasolacrimal duct and drain into the back of the nose. It's the nasolacrimal duct that gets blocked. I guess hers are not really blocked. . .it's more like they were never opened. During fetal development, there is a web of tissue that eventually hollows and provides a place for the tears to drain. Because her fetal development was cut short, they never properly opened. Because of this, she will most likely need surgery to open them up. Olivia's doctor normally gives babies until 14 months before surgery is requested. This will be something, however, to talk to her eye doctor about on Monday. I don't know, I just find myself wondering what other things in the future will be related to her prematurity. I don't want to be blindsided. When I was pregnant, I was told everything was going great and it wasn't. I just worry about Olivia so much and I want to know that I'm doing everything I can to help her. There are little things like the way she turns out her hands or doesn't want to lift her arms up over her head that make me worry. It's just one of those days, I guess. Then, her doctor talked about how other babies her age (both 4 month olds and 8 month olds) sometimes take over 30 oz per day and I'm just happy when we have a day over 23 oz with no vomiting. The doctor did say that Olivia is following her growth curve nicely. It's not like I don't feed her as much as she can handle. I push her to eat more, but there's a line that I can't cross or she will throw up. I'm just feeling defeated today. . .I do the best that I can.
We have had problems with her eyes since she was in the NICU. We have to clean them about 10+ times a day as there is constant discharge and matted eyelashes. We also do lacrimal massage. Sometimes we clean them so much that her poor eyes become raw. We have always been told they were blocked tear ducts. I guess tears pass through the lacrimal sac and down through the nasolacrimal duct and drain into the back of the nose. It's the nasolacrimal duct that gets blocked. I guess hers are not really blocked. . .it's more like they were never opened. During fetal development, there is a web of tissue that eventually hollows and provides a place for the tears to drain. Because her fetal development was cut short, they never properly opened. Because of this, she will most likely need surgery to open them up. Olivia's doctor normally gives babies until 14 months before surgery is requested. This will be something, however, to talk to her eye doctor about on Monday. I don't know, I just find myself wondering what other things in the future will be related to her prematurity. I don't want to be blindsided. When I was pregnant, I was told everything was going great and it wasn't. I just worry about Olivia so much and I want to know that I'm doing everything I can to help her. There are little things like the way she turns out her hands or doesn't want to lift her arms up over her head that make me worry. It's just one of those days, I guess. Then, her doctor talked about how other babies her age (both 4 month olds and 8 month olds) sometimes take over 30 oz per day and I'm just happy when we have a day over 23 oz with no vomiting. The doctor did say that Olivia is following her growth curve nicely. It's not like I don't feed her as much as she can handle. I push her to eat more, but there's a line that I can't cross or she will throw up. I'm just feeling defeated today. . .I do the best that I can.
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6 comments:
I'm sorry today has sucked. You know you can call and vent anytime you need to. Just try to take one thing at a time. You can't forsee everything. And you are doing everything you should be to be able to deal with any problems that you may encounter. I know she will be just fine.
Kerry
You're doing better than fine. I often wonder why Emery can't take in more than 2 ounces without vomiting, but we get by. And, as far as the future is concerned, you will be prepared for some things and utterly unprepared for others. You're doing better than the best you can and Olivia is doing the best she can, which is all anyone can ask.
Big hugs!
Wow. I'm so sorry this was a day of worry. I wish I could take the worry away. I can't, but I do know Someone who has all power. Just know that He loves you very much and will not give you more than you can handle. (Obviously, He thinks you are pretty great at handling things!) I can only imagine the things that you know to worry about. We will be praying for Olivia that her eyes will fix themselves without needing surgery. As far as parenting, I just talked to my brother Steve and was telling him all about what great parents you and Ryan are. I was so impressed the other day when Ryan dropped by at his conversation about parenting. Here is one fellow parent that thinks you guys are doing a great job! We love you all.
Laura
Sorry to hear about the bad day!! I know it is hard to worry about an unknown future and long-term preemie complications, but you ARE doing everything you can for Olivia! And it's amazing how many things work themselves out. We were told there would be many problems and delays and there have been some delays, but there have also been great surprises of catching up sooner than anyone thought. I know there were days (and still are) where I wish my son didn't have a handful of therapists evaluating his every move, but in the long run it's all so worth it! Hope tomorrow is better!
I'm sorry to hear about Olivia's eyes. Hopefully you can find out some more answers when you go to the eye doctor. Don't worry about Olivia not getting 30 ounces a day. I have a full term baby that only takes 24. You cannot force them to eat. She is doing awesome. You cannot get much better than being a miracle!
I know how you feel. I can't believe my baby already has an IEP (IFSA when they are younger than 3 years old, as I'm sure you know). Rainbows comes out to see her every two weeks, but nothing they can tell me about her development keeps me from worrying about cerebral palsy or autism. It drives me nuts.
I just pray for sanity and calm. Some days I can maintain it better than others.
One of my friends emailed me some information about a support group they are starting at Wesley for parents who have children in the NICU. They are looking for parents who have survived the NICU to give advice. I'm thinking about signing up.
Somehow I think helping another couple through what we (Stephen and I) went through might be good therapy. I'm not sure though...but its worth a shot.
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