Friday, August 29, 2008

Friday, August 29, 2008 - Update

I love my dadadadaddada

It's often hard to relive the day of Olivia and Logan's birth. What some people don't understand is that I never felt that I was "giving life" to my babies that day. I felt that their lives were being lost. Because of the skills of neonatologists, nurses, and RTs, the research of March of Dimes and the grace of God. . .Olivia's life was saved. The entire atmosphere of the room that day was not one of happiness and joy. Olivia did not cry at birth. . .actually, it took months before I could hear her cry. They didn't wrap her up in a blanket and hand her to me. I couldn't hold her for a month and a half. One time I got to hold Logan up in his isolette, but I never got to hold Logan in my arms. Here it is a year later and I still have no idea what to write in Olivia's baby book where it asks about mom and dad's reaction to her birth. Horror. . .disbelief. . .sadness. . .I can't write that. It's amazing to think that a year has passed since that day. At times it seems like a lifetime ago and at other times it seems like it was yesterday. I'm so grateful for Olivia and her life. I was robbed of the joy of her birth, but the joy that I have being her mother is beyond measure.

If you'll notice, I have added a new blog to my preemie blog list. I ask you to keep Rhys in your prayers. This is another family who finds themselves in the same situation. They lost their son, Bentley, shortly after birth and his twin brother, Rhys, is in the NICU fighting hard. Please pray for this family. My hope is that Rhys, much like Olivia, will make it home by Christmas.


Stacie said...

I love this picture!! It is so precious!

These are the good times, the tender memories that will add joy and happiness to the baby book.

Thank you for sharing this with all of us.

Shea said...

Love the picture!
Don't worry Jodi, I'm sure that she will be mamamamamamamama soon.
I will cheer extra loud for your familiy at the game tomorrow!

Anonymous said...

Jodi, you put into words what all of us micropreemie moms understand all too well. I cried when I read this post! Thank you for sharing so honestly. I hope I am able to meet you at the NICU reunion this October!

Candice said...

Ah, your post has made me cry. I truly feel your pain. It was not exciting when my boys were born, it pure despair at losing what we had come to love so much. The weekend before they were born we had finished the nursery and put up the cribs. My delivery was the emergency you see on tv with doctors running beside the bed as you are wheeled down the hall. I was completely under when they were born, and my husband had to wait outside. I did not get to hear them cry, or hold them, or even see them. My last thought before the surgery was the 5% chance of survival the neonatal team had given us before I was rushed into the OR. I was so pumped full of pain meds that I didn't see Bentley until he took his last breath. I understand what you feel because I feel robbed as well. I hate that you are experiencing this pain, but please know my heart is with you. Though you missed some of the joy of delivery, you have the joy of your miracle Olivia. Thank you for putting into words what I have been feeling since my boys were born. This has somehow given me a little peace.

the SITS Girls said...

Welcome to the SITStahood!

Wow. What a journey your family has been on. This post is so touching and filled with love and honesty.

We look forward to seeing you in roll call and following Olivia's firsts on your blog!

See you in Roll Call!

Kellars Mommy said...

I totally understand these feelings. People around me don't understand what I mean when I talk of how some take things for granted like actually holding your little one after birth, changing the 1st diaper..I could go on and on. I just made a post yesterday about Camerons birth, I need to get a book to record his birth in!