Monday, August 25, 2008 - Update

This was not a good way to start the week. I had to have my rat, Lucy, put to sleep this morning. She started going downhill on Saturday and I didn't know if she would make it through the weekend. She was struggling for every breath, she wasn't eating and could barely move. Her right lung was completely collapsed. Every time I went downstairs to see her, she would use every ounce of strength to come see me. Lucy just wanted me to hold her. It was hard to see her like that. It must be frightening to have to try that hard to breathe.

With rats, you kind of have to forget every stereotype or preconceived notion that you have. Once you do that, you truly discover what amazing little creatures they are. I got Lucy 2 years ago after about 7 months of consecutive fertility treatments. I was defeated. I was sad. I needed something to nurture and love. Lucy helped fill that void. She was a "people" rat and would spend all day with you if she could. We usually called her Luce Goose and I was always amazed at how smart and gentle she was. She loved to drink out of the bathroom faucet in the basement. Lucy and Olivia the rat were the best of friends and I always worried how one would cope without the other. After cleaning their cage each week, Lucy would sort of sigh and then get to work building a little nest for them to sleep in. I don't think Olivia the rat knows how to make one and I don't know where she'll sleep. I have tried to help Lucy and make a nest for them, but she would re-do it every time. I guess I don't know how to make one either.

When rats are euthanized, they must inject them in the abdomen or heart because their veins are too small. Because that can be painful, they sedate them beforehand. I held Lucy while they sedated her and she fell asleep in my arms. It was hard, but I think the hardest part has been watching her struggle to breathe for the last few days. Finally, she could rest and she didn't have to work so hard anymore. I wasn't there when they actually euthanized her, although I believe that she passed away under the sedation. Ryan was kind enough to go get her during his lunch break because I didn't think I could take her back home. We wanted her to be buried with the rest of our pets: Exodia, Odin, Kirsten and Bailey.

Of course, losing a pet is nothing like losing a child. There are varying degrees of sadness, however, depending on the love that you have. I loved my little Lucy so of course I will feel sad. My love for Logan was immeasurable. . .my sadness overwhelming. Everytime I am sad about anything, my mind drifts to Logan and that awful sadness comes to light. Tomorrow I have to decide what to do for Logan at the cemetery as we remember his upcoming birthday. . .maybe some flowers and balloons. That's tough. But, Olivia gets me through it. I thought that her birthday party would be overshadowed by my grief, but I was completely focused on her and how amazing she is. It was truly a celebration of her life and I'm so proud of her. I know that Logan must be proud of her too. Thank you for letting me ramble on. I needed that today.