Monday, September 22, 2008

Monday, September 22, 2008 - Update

I can't believe that this week marks the last week that I was able to spend with Logan. . .just one year ago. There has been a part of me over the last 12 months that has wanted to crawl into a hole and not come out. There has been another part of me, a bigger part, I guess, that could never shake my commitment to my husband. . .for better or worse. I think this was the "worse" part that they were talking about. I interpret that commitment to be not only physically, but mentally and emotionally as well. He has needed me as much as I have needed him. And then. . .there was Olivia. If God would allow her to stay here with me, I would be the best mother that I could possibly be. That was not a mother in a dark hole somewhere. So, I fought and fought and fought and no matter how much I missed Logan and mourned for him, I had to take care of his sister. Olivia deserves that and so much more. Here we are almost a year later. I still fight the urge to give up and surrender to that overwhelming sense of loss, but I realize that the sadness will never win. I see too much joy in my daughter's eyes, in her smile, in her laugh, in her love for life. She continues to pull Ryan and I through and remains to be the strongest person I've ever met. Thank you, Olivia, for being the most amazing person in the world.

4 comments:

Heather @ A Boy, A Girl, A Pug said...

Your post brought tears to my eyes.

I sent you a little something in the mail just to let you know that we are here for you and thinking of you.

Call if you need to talk.

Shea said...

I knew this week was going to be hard. You will be in my thoughts and prayers, now more than ever.
Stay Strong

Anonymous said...

I also have tears after reading your post. The anticipation of the anniversary is the hardest. Just know that everyone is thinking about you and praying for Logan. You know he is watching how beautiful Olivia watches you. WHAT A GREAT SMILE....You both are strong and good parents. Please, know that we all have you in our thoughts and prayers on this anniversary week. Love to you ALL.

Stacey said...

I have tears too! You are such a neat, neat person, mommy and wife. I know we haven't even "met" but I am thinking of you and your family and will continue to pray for you guys.

Hugs,

Stacey