Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Constant Reminders

I've been doing really good lately. I remember times when I literally couldn't leave the house. It was so tough to watch other people carrying on with their lives when mine was falling apart. I wanted to scream, "Don't you know that I lost my son and my daughter is fighting for her life!" It was difficult to even go to the grocery store. I am much better about things like that and can find many joys in my life. There are constant reminders, however, of what I lost. One, for instance, happened yesterday.

I was leaving a store with Olivia and trying to finagle my way out of the doors with a stroller. I don't know why every store doesn't have automatic doors. Anyway, a kind lady came rushing up and held the door open for me. She smiled and said, "I remember those days. And I had twins, if you can imagine that." I smiled graciously and walked away with tears in my eyes. This sweet lady had no idea that her words would stab me right in the heart. Of course, I know what it's like to carry twins, to experience love multiplied, to give birth to twins. I don't know what it's like to raise twins or push them in a stroller or hold them both in my arms. I'll never know. Constant reminders are around me every time I see a boy Olivia's age. Every time I look at toys or clothes for little boys. Every time I hear someone call out "Logan!" Every time I see boy/girl twins. . .and it will break my heart every time. But, I am also reminded of the miracle that I have and the sweet little boy who is waiting for me in heaven and my heart is pieced back together.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

Sweet Jodi, thank you for sharing of yourself so generously. Can't wait to spend Thanksgiving all together. We all have so much to thank God for.
Laura

Daxton's Personal Assistant said...

A month of so ago I was shopping at Target for Christmas presents and had to pick out some clothes for my neice... She's the same size as my Aubrie would have been. I sat in the girls' department and cried like an idiot for 10 minutes or so... It doesn't always get me, but when it hits, it hits hard. Thanks for sharing...

Sarah Furlough said...

Jodi, I know exactly what you mean. It is so hard sometimes, I wish it didn't have to be this way. I'll never understand why this happened to us, but I know that God used our boys for a mighty purpose.

Happy Thanksgiving! Sending lots of hugs your way!