Friday, January 7, 2011

Saying Good-bye

My grandpa’s funeral is tomorrow and I can’t get rid of this pain in the pit of my stomach.  Maybe it’s worry as Olivia woke up early this morning with a fever.  Of all the times for any of us to get sick. . .this is not one of them.  And, I don’t do well being apart from my little girl when she’s sick.  Maybe it’s lack of sleep as I haven’t slept good lately.  One night, I get the call that my grandpa has passed away. . .the next night, I’m up with Olivia.  Maybe it’s dread as I have to say good-bye.  Maybe it’s sympathy for my sweet grandmother who wants nothing more than her husband back and for my mother who is missing her dad.  Maybe it’s the realization that we all get older and inevitably face the same demise.  Maybe it’s a bit of everything.  Losing your grandfather is a different feeling of loss than losing your son.  You know, that at some point, you are going to lose your grandparents.  The same does not hold true for your son.  It is still, however, an awful feeling of emptiness and pain and sorrow.  Ryan and I walked into a frequented restaurant today after the viewing of my grandpa and our familiar waitress noticed we were just a party of two.  “Where’s the little one?” she asked.  “With her grandparents,” we replied.  “Ah. . .there’s nothing like grandparents,” she said.  That hit home for me today.  There truly is nothing like grandparents and seeing how close Olivia is to hers really brings it full circle.  I can’t help but envision Olivia in 30-40 years time and finding herself in the same position as me. . .saying good-bye to her grandpa. . .one of the best men she knows.   Nobody is ever ready for that. 

I find great comfort in knowing that my grandpa is with our Heavenly Father.  He’s no longer in pain or afflicted with any worldly ailment.  I find comfort in knowing that he will be buried close by my son.  I don’t know why that makes a difference, but I feel a peace knowing that they are together in heaven as well as on earth.   These comforts are what help us through the hardships of life and they come directly from our Savior.  Amazing to know that my grandpa is there. . .with Him.  I can’t imagine the joyous reunions taking place and the smiles on my grandpa’s face.  It’s difficult to say good-bye, but we will meet again. . .my grandpa, my son and me.   


Amanda said...

So beautifully put. Will be thinking about you tomorrow... I hope Olivia sleeps ok. And you. I'm so sorry.

Laura said...

Beautifully written, Jodi.

Anonymous said...

So sorry about your grandpa. It will be hard for your grandma, but I am sure you will all be a great support to her. I am sure he knew you loved him and he loved you with the love that grandparents have for their grandkids.I will be praying for all of you. Becky (amanda's mom)