Monday, February 8, 2008 - Update

You know how you worry yourself sick about something and then it's not as bad as you imagined it to be? Well, sometimes it's 10 times worse. That was the case today. First, I got up at 5 am and somehow managed to keep Olivia awake until her appt at 9:30 am. I think I need some kind of award for that. She would just look at me as if to say, "Mommy, why don't you let me sleep?" Once we put her in her car seat, we thought all was lost, but Ryan and I kept spontaneously shouting "Hooray!" to keep her awake. It worked. We got to the appt. only to find out (once we'd been there for a little while) that everyone in the office was sick. They only have two techs who perform the EEGs. One of them was home with a sick daughter, the other who was there was hacking and coughing and believed she had a severe cold or bronchitis. We talked about rescheduling, but decided against it for many reasons. One, Olivia had already been exposed. Two, that would mean she would have to remain on the phenobarb for that much longer and we can't have her throwing up every few days. The longer we postponed it, the longer Olivia would have to suffer through with the medication. Three, how can you guarantee everyone would be healthy then? Four, we would have to go through the sleep deprivation all over again and that wasn't easy on any of us. Plus, Ryan would have to take another day off work. So, we put our faith in God, we made the tech Purell her hands about 1000 different times, we made her wear a mask, wipe her equipment down with Lysol and prayed some more. I usually bite my tongue when I write the updates because I don't want to offend anyone, but why in the world didn't they call us to reschedule????? How ignorant do you have to be to let a 23 weeker come in for an EEG and expose her to an environment like that? Especially when your office deals with premature babies? Then, we had to keep reminding them to wipe things down and Purell their hands again. They were all snickering at us and referring to us as neurotic parents and you know what? I couldn't care less. Have they lost a child? Have they come close to losing another one? Have they watched their child be on a ventilator for two months? I love my daughter and I will do everything in my power to keep her safe and healthy. Unfortunately, I think I failed today. After all we have done over the past 5 1/2 months and all we have sacrificed to keep her healthy. We have kept her away from her grandparents. I cancelled my shower that I was looking so forward to. I haven't seen my friends or my family. I haven't even met my newest nephew, Kaleb. Everything that we've done. . .all seemingly down the drain. I have never been so angry, so upset, or so scared in a long time.

The only positive thing is that her EEG was normal which means that we get to start weaning the phenobarb and in 20 days she will be done with it. But, at what cost. . .I don't know. We came home and I took a shower, Ryan took a shower, Olivia took a bath, we washed the diaper bag, blankets, car seat cushions and Lysoled everything down. Now, we just pray that all three of us remain healthy.