A Little Closer to Normal

Occasionally, I hear rumblings of criticism about Ryan and me. I should know that a certain amount of criticism comes with being a parent, but it still makes me feel bad. The majority of people have been overwhelmingly supportive and I've been so thankful for that. I think people expect us to be normal. Okay, so we were never really "normal" to begin with. Who else has five guinea pigs, two rats and a storage room full of Halloween props? But, that's beside the point. Do we struggle with depression? Yes. Do we have major obsessive compulsive tendencies? Yes. I think that given all that we've been through. . it could be a lot worse. As Ryan once said: There's a thin layer between being normal and completely breaking down. We do all that we can some days just to get through.

I watched my daughter, bruised and bleeding, struggle to survive. I watched my son pass away without ever getting to hold him. That changes you. We have a duty as parents to keep Olivia from getting a respiratory illness until her lungs are healed enough to handle it. We want to prevent her from getting sick until we're able to handle it. We can't pick and choose what illness she gets. . .so we protect her from everything. . .even if that means disregarding our own selfish desires to show her off to the world. That's tough at times. I feel sometimes that we're judged if we don't take her to certain places. I feel judged if we take her, but don't let people hold her. It's not like we're requesting people to wear scrubs, masks and gloves. We just ask that you don't come near her if you are sick and that you wash your hands before you touch her. I don't think that's asking too much. There have been too many instances where we've been around people who have gotten sick only hours later. Luckily, those people have been amazingly supportive and have respected our wishes. . .and Olivia has not gotten sick.

People tell me that they read my blog because I post exactly what I'm feeling. Well, this is what I'm feeling at this moment. . be it good or bad. I've been so lucky to have such supportive friends and family. Some people ask what they can do to help us. All we ask is that you try to understand so that we don't always feel like the bad guys. The next few months are going to be tough for us. Please keep us in your prayers and maybe someday we'll get a little closer to "normal."