Thursday, August 21, 2008

Thursday, August 21, 2008 - Update

My teacher suggested that I try Cheetos. They're easy for me to grasp (and they're yummy!)
I love them!

On this day last year, I was about 22 weeks pregnant. I knew that something was not right. It felt as if the babies had dropped. My back was killing me. . .not just my lower back, but my mid-back as well. They believed that I had a rib out of place. I only got relief when I was laying down. On the day that Izzy was born, I stayed home from work because I just felt that my body needed a rest. Ryan and I did manage to go up to the hospital to meet Izzy. . .little did I know that I would be back the next day.

On August 21st, I got up with every intention of working that day. I had only been at work about an hour when I started spotting. I had never spotted throughout my pregnancy, so I was concerned. I called Ryan who shared my concern and decided to call the doctor. Since it sometimes would take hours to get a call back, Ryan had a better idea. He worked basically across the street from my doctor, so he headed over there to talk to a nurse himself. They called me while he was there and said to either go home and rest or go to the hospital to get checked out. Throughout my pregnancy, Ryan and I were overly-cautious. We had been dreaming of these babies for so long. . .we tried to do everything right. So, we went to the hospital.

I still get angry when I think about that day. I didn't feel that they took me serious enough. Something was wrong. . .I just knew it. And, they sent me home. Of course, they sent me home on bedrest, but I don't think it was because they felt something was truly wrong. I think it was more to cover themselves if something did in fact turn out to be wrong. Maybe it was supposed to happen the way it did. I would have been a lot more stressed on hospital bedrest than at home. But, this was the first day that I look back on and question whether a change could have helped my babies stay in a little longer. Maybe the outcome would have been different. Olivia wouldn't have had to spend 105 days in the NICU and she could have grown up with her twin brother. I would give anything to raise them together, but as time goes on I'm starting to accept that it wasn't meant to be.


Amanda said...

she is seriously so stinkin' cute! I love her!

Anonymous said...

very cute!
God is awesome:)

Kerry said...

She certainly has to be the cutest baby EVER! Sorry I haven't been commenting lately. I'm horrible! Just know that I still think about you all every day even if I have a crappy way of showing it.

I can't believe she is almost a year old. You definitely have something to celebrate even in this difficult time. She has come a long way and will continue to overcome all the odds. Logan must be so proud of his big sister.

Anonymous said...

I'm so glad olivia is doing well! When I read this post, it reminded me of the exact same feelings I thought after delivering at 25wks. I understand questioning the if onlys... I still tend to want to let myself play the blame game and wonder what if, but I have to remind myself constantly that God had our children's lives planned out before we even thought of them. That sure is easier said than done though!

Always thinking of you and wishing Olivia a great birthday!!