Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Wednesday, August 20, 2008 - Update

I write this post with a heart full of gratitude. I can't believe that Olivia's birthday is in a week. For awhile I was struggling with her upcoming birthday for many reasons. It was as if I was taking the worst day of my life, buying a cake and celebrating it. Ryan told me it wasn't about me, it was about Olivia, but. . .I don't think it was a good day for her either. I've come to realize that it's not about celebrating that day as much as it is celebrating her life this past year. What an amazing life it is and that is definitely something worth celebrating! Of course, it's Logan's birthday too and I've struggled with remembering him in a way that doesn't overshadow the joy of Olivia's day. Someone who has become a dear friend of mine also has a daughter who lost her twin brother. She directed me towards a book called Mommy, Please Don't Cry that is just an amazing glimpse into what heaven might be like for our babies that have passed before us. In this book, it talks about how they have parties and the best chocolate cake ever. So, each year for Olivia's birthday, we decided to also have "the best chocolate cake ever" for Logan. Again. . . .a wonderful idea from that same friend. Who knows. . .maybe as Olivia gets older, she can help pick out a cake that she thinks Logan would have liked.

Her birthday party is on Saturday and we worried so much about who to invite. Our guest list was too incredibly long, so in an effort not to hurt anyone's feelings or leave anyone out. . .we decided it would just be immediate family only. That was already 26 people. I would love to share her day with all of our extended family and friends as well, but it just wasn't possible this year. You'll never understand the part that you all have played in helping us get through this difficult year. Thank you for the comments (all of you fellow bloggers know that you can never have enough.) Thank you for the 200+ visits each and every day. Thank you for allowing me to brag about and show off my daughter in a way that doesn't expose her to illnesses. Thank you for the generous gifts and cards. Thank you for being a light at the end of a dark tunnel. I appreciate you all very much.

Today is Izzy's birthday and we want to wish her the best of everything. I've been able to spend more time with Izzy lately and let me say that she is one special little girl. She is so in tune to what other's are feeling. She is so smart (did you know that she has used the potty a couple of times?) and when she flashes her smile, it just melts your heart. And, I won't even go into how cute she is (you've all seen the pictures.) I'm sorry that her first year was clouded with so much sadness in our family. There are brighter days ahead and I can't wait for Olivia and Izzy to grow up together. Happy Birthday, Isabelle Ann!!


Don, Shelley and Izzy said...

Thank you for the Birthday wishes for Izzy... she really enjoys the time spent with you and Olivia. I love the way she looks at Olivia and the way they talk to each other!
Olivia looks like she really enjoyed what she ate!!

Jodi said...

She was sucking on Cheetos!

Thomas and Jamie said...

I'm not sure if I've left you a post before or not, so before I go any further, I want you to know who I am. I found your blog through another blog, through my sister-in-law's blog. I was kinda just looking one day and ran across it, though I've been following intently for a while!

Thank you so much for recommending the book that you did. Although I'm not dealing with the prematurity issues that you are, and I never lost a preemie, I did lose a baby earlier this year. Perhaps, it was the best way that it could happen (if there's such a thing), as I still have a beautiful little boy that DID make it through the pregnancy. However, we did lose his twin early on. Although we never got to meet the other baby, I got to hear it's heartbeat and see it twice before God called it back home. And yes, I have a completely healthy little boy now who is doing great. That doesn't keep me from mourning the loss of what might have been.

I feel so selfish sometimes because, even though I was on bedrest for 7 weeks due to complications, I got to take my little boy home 2 days after we had him, when I was discharged and he's doing GREAT. But, I still miss my other baby and wonder "what if???"

Just know that your story touches far beyond any reaches you may realize and there are people thinking of you that have never met you!! I'm so sorry about your sweet Logan. I know he and my baby must be having a great time right now and are watching over us and their siblings each and every day!!