Thursday, June 25, 2009 - Update

Riding "Frank" at grandma and grandpa's house

Yesterday, Olivia was doing a lot better. . .her fever was gone, but then last night she developed a rash. We're suspecting that it is roseola since it is usually diagnosed by a few days of a high fever followed by a rash. Yesterday, she was back to her normal, happy self, but today she is extremely cranky. I'm not sure if it is from her illness or her teeth. I don't know how many she is getting all at once, but her mouth looks like a war zone. Poor thing. All in all. . .it's been a rough week between her being sick, Ryan's back, my lack of sleep, this unrelenting heat, etc. I'm ready for the weekend.

As many of you know, I began going to a therapist a few weeks ago. She is starting something with me called eye movement desensitization and reprocessing. I guess that traumatic memories are stored differently and in a different part of the brain than other memories. They are sort of like an undigested clump of memories. This type of therapy helps to "digest" and process them more like other memories so that they are not so difficult to relive. I have an extremely difficult time with Logan's death. I also have a lot of trouble with the day that Logan and Olivia were born. Actually, I think the anniversary of Logan's death is easier on me than the day that they were born. The anniversary of his death is just sort of a day of mourning for our family and we allow ourselves to be sad on that day. The day of their birth is, well, Olivia's birthday. It's a happy day and I don't want her to grow up thinking of it as any other type of day. Hopefully, this will help me move forward with the memories of what we've been through. . .but, without the pain.