I cannot even put into words the bond that Olivia will forever have with Logan. At times I am hesitant to tell people that I have three children for fear of the story I'd have to explain to them. I don't believe a stranger wants to hear it. But, Olivia doesn't have that fear. If you call us a family of four, she will immediately correct you. We are a family of five. Her brother, Logan, is in heaven, but he is still close in our hearts. And he's still a part of our family. She points out what chair he would sit in at a restaurant or what toy he might like at a store. He is never far from her mind.
Earlier this month, they had a Santa Shop at school. The parents fill out a list of who the child gets to shop for with money and a budget for each person. One day, Olivia got off the bus and was extremely angry with me!
"Why wasn't Logan on the list? I wanted to buy him a present and YOU didn't put him on the list."
Honestly, it made me feel awful. Olivia just wanted the joy of shopping for her twin brother. It also made me feel angry. A twin sister should have the joy of shopping for her twin brother. I thought of taking her and letting her buy him something to put out at the cemetery. But I've learned my lesson. Any toy that is placed out there will be stolen. Even if it's wired down with Logan's name on it. It's a sad truth. So I've been struggling with how to allow Olivia to meet her need to buy something for her brother. She knows we can't send packages to heaven. But, she really misses her brother. It's heartbreaking and heartwarming at the same time.
It's been an answer to prayer though. Ryan and I no longer struggle with how to remember Logan. Olivia leads the way and shows us how. She brings him up at times when it may seem uncomfortable for us to do so. I know she will make certain that he will never be forgotten. Olivia, even at 1 lb 1.5 oz, has always carried a lot on her tiny shoulders. The love and responsibility of a twin sister will always be one of them.
Jodi- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
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