Monday, March 24, 2008

Monday, March 24, 2008 - Update

Would you mind if I vented a bit? I'm so frustrated right now. I'm tired of playing detective and trying to figure out if and when Olivia is going to throw up. . .I've decided that she just is. It doesn't matter what we do. Her formula isn't helping, the Prevacid isn't helping (it probably doesn't help that she throws it up too,) we hold her upright, don't feed her during her witching hour when her reflux is really bad, we burp her often, etc. The Poly-Vi-Sol seems to be a trigger, so we've stopped giving that to her at night. We have to space her feedings at least 2.5 hours apart or the previous bottle seems to come up as well. It's not the daily puke laundry load that gets me upset or the cleaning it up afterwards. . .I just keep promising her that I'll make it better. . .and I don't know how. And, I'm worried about her weight gain because we keep getting told that we're not feeding her enough and then she throws up what she does get. Olivia almost acts like we're over feeding her, but she only takes 18-20 oz on a really, really good day. I should be happy that Olivia is sleeping until 8 - 9 am, but that means that she's losing her early morning bottle. I am big on routine and it disrupts our bedtime routine every night. Plus, we are trying to make dinner and tie up the loose ends from our day and my poor girl just has the roughest time. It makes it difficult. Then, I don't know whether she goes to sleep on an empty stomach or not? Everyone says that she will just outgrow it, but why do I read about 2 year old former micropreemies who still vomit everyday? It's not that I'm complaining. . .we are very blessed to have escaped so many of the problems with 23 weekers. For that, I will feel forever blessed. I just want her to grow and develop as she should. I'm just having a bad night. We didn't eat supper until 9:30 pm, I have a bad headache and we got a collection notice in the mail. You see, because of Olivia and Logan's birthweight, they qualified for a medical card that helped with the medical expenses not covered by their health insurance during their hospital stay. What a blessing that was. So, I've had to call on their bills (and I mean bill after bill after bill) with their numbers to get it taken care of. Now, I'm getting collection notices on things that I was told I wasn't going to pay. I have never paid a late bill in my life. But, I'll just deal with that tomorrow.

Ryan and I were wondering why we felt so down the other day. Then, we remembered that we spent the end of the summer and all of the fall in a hospital and all winter in our house. Sorry that I'm complaining. Some days are just difficult. I just hope that Olivia has gained weight when we go back in on April 1st for her Synagis.


Anonymous said...

Even full term babies have feeding and digestive problems that no one ever figures out so, don't beat yourself up about it. YOU are a wonderful MOM. When you tell her everything will be OK, feeding problems are not what she thinks about. Being loved and nutured is all that matters to her, that is why you have each other, that is why Ryan is her DAD. GOD knew what she was going to need and choose just the right parents to give it to her. All these little feeding problems will soon be a thing of the past, it may not happen in just a few months, most babies outgrow it by the age of 2, if she, like some other micro premies does not then she will learn to live with it but, SHE WILL LIVE BECAUSE OF THE LOVE SHE RECEIVES FROM YOU AND RYAN AND BECAUSE LOGAN GAVE HER HIS STRENGTH SO THAT SHE MAY LIVE. If you read back on the blog you can see so clearly how his death was her turning point because their energies reunited before his soul returned to our heavenly father. For him and the other babies you lost "it is all in the blink of an eye" before they will be reunited with their family, they are now one in Olivia, who will grow and be blessed just as God intended. We will never know why things like this happen but we know that you, Ryan, Olivia, Logan and this blog has touched so many lives, more than you will ever know!

shanan said...

My son was only 3 weeks early and threw up all the time. He eventually grew out of it and so will she. How can you not look at her chubby lil cheeks and say she isn't getting enough to eat. She is thriving!

Anonymous said...

"Being loved and nutured is all that matters to her, that is why you have each other, that is why Ryan is her DAD. GOD knew what she was going to need and choose just the right parents to give it to her.


Very well said....I will repeat what was said.
WE love you, thank you for sharing

Sarah said...

I really do feel like you read my mind sometimes.

Emery is still vomiting nearly every day at 15 months. In fact, he got upset over his breathing treatment this morning and threw up just before we had to leave for our hour drive back to our followup clinic.

Erik and I got very depressed when we brought Emery home in the summer. Please go easy on yourself and Ryan, too. It is very hard having a baby who is very happy and then suffers seemingly out of nowhere and vomits.

We started feeding Emery hourly. I really do think that their tummies are just smaller. We still have late-night dinners and very few intimate conversations with each other that we used to, and the constant chronic health issues of our baby always loom over everything, but it does get better. Eventually, Olivia's vomiting will get better. It might not go totally away but it does get better.

Are you using Solutabs for Prevacid or compounded Prevacid? A lot of our vomiting went away when we switched from compounded Prevacid to solutabs. The compounded stuff goes stale in 2 weeks and needs to be re-compounded.

I think about you all often and will pray for you.

Anonymous said...

Hi - I'm not sure how I stumbled on to your blog, but I have been reading every once in a while and just want to say "Hang in There". I haven't had a premature baby but I did go through invitro to concieve my son. My son was born term, but he had a weight gain problem and would throw up any formula I gave him. I breastfed him mostly, but every time I would try to give him formula he would throw up. It turned out he had reflux AND a milk allergy. In saying all of that, you might want to mention it to your ped to see what he/she thinks. As soon as he was off milk formulas (he couldn't even take the the specialized ones like allimentum or nutramigen and ended up on a formula we hd to buy from the pharmacy for $40 a can) he stopped vomitting. I hope that this gets better for you soon!