Ooooh, this is soft.
Thanks for my blanket, mommy!
Just hangin out with my penguin buddy.It's becoming increasingly difficult to answer questions from people who don't know us very well. "How many children do you have?" "How old is your daughter?" I've also learned that I can't talk about "when I had a baby." I didn't have a baby, I had two babies and leaving out that bit of information feels like I'm leaving out Logan. But, to mention him. . .I would have to delve into issues that I'd rather not discuss sometimes. I've found that I can't even partake in idle chitchat anymore.
Last night, while we were checking out at Dillon's, the cashier just wouldn't quit asking me questions. I knew the question was coming. . .how old is your daughter? After saying that she was a year old, he came out and said that she was tiny for a one year old. At least, he said it out loud instead of giving me those long, awkward stares. However, when I try to explain how premature she was, people don't have any idea what that means. So, then I just get blank, dumbfounded stares. I can't say that I would have fully understood a few years ago, so I can't fault people for that. It just makes for some awkward moments and makes me feel that much more out of place in this world. Sometimes I just don't know what to say.
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9 comments:
I know how you feel. I learned from Emery's birth that some questions really just aren't polite chit-chat. I don't ask 30-something women if they're going to get married anymore. I don't ask why couples don't have children. What I find now is that I chit chat more about God and God's grace, and maybe that's what He wanted all along.
I will say that I do tend to have it a bit easier. Emery has visible signs of his prematurity. The downside is I get asked questions about that, too... over and over and over :)
I had a baby at 26 weeks and I always just answered according to her due date. It was much easier than explaining to people. I never really felt it was lying because that's where she was developementally.
Also, I hate people thinking that most 26 weekers survive with no major issues, they then think it's no big deal and it was (is). They have no clue!
I too know how you feel, I get asked how many kids do you have quite often, if I say 1 like you I am leaving out Cameron, but if I say 2 then I am forced to explain what happened! I used to carry Kellars 1st diaper around in my stroller to show people just how small he was and what a big boy he has grown into b/c unless you have been a preemie parent or been close to someone who has a preemie you have no clue the struggles our little ones face, you don't understand how weighing 12 lbs at 1 years old is a huge deal...aggghhh I could go on and on!
I know this is easy to say and harder to do, but, don't worry about other people and their naive reactions! Some people won't get it, EVER, and all you can do is keep yourself and your family happy. That's what matters.
Love, Marilee
Yeah...I've had the same troubles. When people ask if Ryan is our first/only I say, "no, but our first is already in Heaven." I always say it in a mater-of-fact, yet upbeat way. That usually stops conversation. For the few brave soles that want more I've, over time, developed a condensed version of her long story.
As to the preemie thing, I don't even say how early because like you've said most people don't understand that. I just say how much he weighed. That usually is enough.
Olivia is getting cuter by the day.
I am with a few other people. But, I make it a game.
Whenever anyone asks me how old Jade is, I make up a new age. I experiment to see what they will believe. It's funny and that way I never really think of it...I usually just say the first number that pops into my head.
When it's strangers, I really don't feel like it's any of their business at all. I also feel like some things are too personal for explanation (like I imagine you feel about Logan).
Telling strangers about him only hurts you. Not telling strangers about him hurts you, too. So, I would say that its best to just decide with the moment what makes you feel the least amount of pain.
I'm always honest when people ask me about my first pregnancy...but, I just say that it wasn't the right time...that Jade wasn't ready yet. It's a bit different for you.
I do like the suggestion that one lady made about saying Logan is already in heaven...that is a good way of putting it.
*hugs*
Chin up.
Lin
I don't pretend to understand your pain because I can answer those questions easily. However, try to remember that most people are not trying to be rude when they ask how old your daughter is and how many children you have. They are really usually just showing interest in you which is an expression of love. Think how Christ must have felt when his mother pushed for him to start his ministry but she did not understand that the cross was waiting for him. She didn't know. His responce was gracious and loving inspite of her ignorance. And afterall, His is the best example for us to follow. Knowing you, Jodi, I am sure you are always gracious and loving inspite of any pain it might bring to yourself. I admire you so much. Your gracious responce brings glory to God and that is what we are here for.
Laura
hugs...
i dont know how to answer that question either. so sad how such an innocent question can cause us so much turmoil.
i ALWAYS got the "she is so small" comment from people! drove me nuts...if they only knew that she had probably gone through more in her short life than they ever have!
preemies rock!
Heya Jodi...
Well you know that I don't have a preemie so I can't say I understand how you feel...but from the "inquisitive stranger" side of things, I can say I ask questions like that usually b/c I am so "taken" with the child, and I am genuinely interested in other mommy's worlds. We're all in this mother'HOOD together and I just like to share life. I can tell you though, that as a preemie-knowledge ignoramus (except for what I've learned from your blog!), it would probably "click" for me a little better if someone says "she was four months early" instead of "born at 23 weeks". I don't know how you phrase it, Before your blog, I didn't compute births well in terms of what week they were born at, but even the densest of folks should know, 4 months early is really early and they are looking at a pretty amazing little girl that is a miracle personified! As far as the "she is so little" comments... well, so what? is what I would say to them. yep she's little. So? I've seen some michelin babies. Gues what..they are "so big." So? people just think what they think and say it, and 98% of the time take heart in knowing that they certainly don't mean it bad. They're just making an observation, chitchat, and don't mean a thing by it at all. I hope that helps...Angie C
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