Sugar, Sugar

After I had my kidney stone, I had some blood work done that showed an elevated blood sugar. So, a few weeks ago, I had to go in for a 2 hour blood glucose test. I just got the results back today and my blood sugar levels are indicative of diabetes. I'll know more when I go in to talk to my doctor about the results next week. Maybe this explains my fatigue, headaches and general feelings of malaise that I often have. Maybe once I get this under control, I'll feel better than I ever have. At this point, I'm pretty sure it can be controlled with diet. . . I just don't know what I can and can't eat. I know I'll be giving up soda, sugar, bread, etc. but there are a lot of gray areas and foods I am uncertain about. If anyone is diabetic or follows a diabetic diet, I'd love to compile a list of foods that I can still eat. Any help would be appreciated.

Thursday, June 10, 2010 - Update

Wow, what a fantastic day! It was a busy day, but a good day. Our day began with our second try at gymnastics. It went wonderfully. My SIL, Shelley, came with us (to give me support more than anything) and Olivia acted completely different. She wasn't able to do many of the techniques and needs to learn to do forward rolls, I guess, but she wasn't crying or throwing a fit. She'll have time to learn how to do everything. . .I just didn't want her interrupting the entire class while she did. I couldn't be more thrilled!

Then, we headed to her first evaluations with the school district and met with the psychologist. I think she did everything very well , but when she got to some pictures she didn't know (like chains and a funnel) she jumped up and performed a great rendition of Ring Around The Rosie. How could anyone not fall in love with this girl? She is behind where she needs to be, but I think she's doing a fantastic job and loving life in the process. Oh, one thing we need to work on. . .when Olivia was asked if she was a boy or girl, she said boy. . .so more dresses, pigtails and pedicures are in her future. :)

One funny story before I go. . .After I got out of the shower tonight, I walked out into the dining room to find Olivia's face and shirt covered in what looked like chocolate. I asked Ryan what she had been eating. He informed me that she hadn't eaten anything. I looked at her and again asked Ryan what she had eaten. Then, I saw the tube of lipstick on the table. Ryan then told me how Olivia had been repeatedly saying, "It's not chapstick. It's not chapstick!" Now, it made sense to him. See what happens when I go to take a quick shower? At least it wasn't my good lipstick. :)

Wednesday, June 9, 2010 - Update

Olivia continues to go to occupational therapy at Wesley and she loves it. She knows the receptionists and some of the kids that are in the waiting room each week. We go early to practice our waiting skills in an environment that isn't at all judgemental. She LOVES Miss Heather, her therapist, and talks about her all week. Despite the cost, it has been a very positive experience for all of us. She continues to receive therapy through Rainbows, which we also love, and will do so until she is 3. At that time, she will continue services through the school district, if she qualifies. We begin that process tomorrow when we meet with the school psychologist. All in all, she is doing fantastic and we are so lucky and blessed.

Tuesday, June 8, 2010 - Update

Is there anything better than a warm sunny day spent sitting in the grass with a popsicle and a best friend? And talking about. . .well, whatever it is that 2 1/2 year olds talk about. Olivia was excited to go to Izzy's house today after being apart for about a (gasp) week and a half. The four of us have so much fun together. Shelley and I spent the day thinking of ideas for their 3rd birthday parties. Etsy.com has the cutest dresses and invitations. August is still a ways away, but it will be here before I know it. I still can't believe she'll be three!

Show Me Your Happy Face

Sunday, June 6, 2010 - Update

So Bow-tiful!

Mom, bow out! (Exact words)

My little girl who hates having things in her hair, wanted to put an entire package of bows in her hair this morning. I remember when she didn't even have enough hair for one bow, so I gladly obliged. I think her girliness is starting to come out. :)

Full Of Beans

Autumn: What is this?

Olivia: I think it's kitty food

Autumn: No, it looks like a new litter box for me.

It's a tub full of beans

Becoming one with the beans. :)

Because of Olivia's sensory difficulties, I recently made her a tub of beans to play with. She started out barely touching it. I think part of that is because she thought it was kitty food and knows she shouldn't play with that. Later, she dug both hands in to find the toys that I hid inside. As you can tell, she quickly decided to put tons of her toys in the tub. . .and later sat down in the beans. She now loves playing with her beans. She practices pouring them into a bowl by turning her wrists instead of shaking the beans out. This will help her transition to utensil use. I just have to remember to keep the lid on because Autumn is very curious about it as well.

Gymnastics

It was a rough morning. . .

Well, we had an awful experience with Olivia's first day of gymnastics. We ended up leaving early. . .both of us with tears in our eyes. Olivia didn't do anything that she was suppposed to do, she wanted to run around everywhere and when she didn't get to, she threw herself on the floor and screamed. . .loudly. I am embarrassed to show my face there again. I know that she needs to familiarize herself with new places and people, but we were so disruptive to the class. Nobody there understood how far Olivia has come and the fact that she can even jump is miraculous. We didn't even know if she would walk. Olivia is very spirited and likes to be in the middle of everything. She is not one of those kids who stand quietly by their moms and watch. Olivia is not a tantrum-thrower though, so I was shocked when she threw tantrum after tantrum and each time she did, I felt worse and worse. Whew. . .don't know if this is the right thing for her or not. I do know that this wasn't a good way to start the day.

Exploration Place

Grandma Mary surprised us this afternoon with a trip for all the grandkids to Exploration Place. We all had a blast. It's exciting to see Olivia's interests blossom since our last trip there.

Where there's a water table. . .there's Olivia, although she wasn't nearly as excited to play in it as she was last time we went.

Giddy-up, Olivia

She loved playing in the kitchen and helping mommy eat some yummy food.

All of the cousins weighing in on each other.

She found a slide. . .and didn't care that it was part of a stomach in the Grossology section.

Their favorite part, however, was running the vet clinic.

" I need an IV in room 5. . .STAT!"

A long day at the office

Playing with blocks. . .a great way to end a great day!

Tuesday, June 1, 2010 - Update

Olivia has grown up so much in the last few weeks. I feel like we're de-baby-proofing the house as we threw away all of her bottles, packed up her high chair, took the padding off the coffee table, put away a lot of old "baby" toys, etc. Today, she came up to me and said she wanted to try to peepee in the potty and that's exactly what she did. So, we might start potty training sooner than I thought. She had a brief peak of interest a few months ago, but hasn't shown much since.

She's also starting to show interest in changing her babies' diapers. Every time I change her, I also have to change baby's and duck's and otter's, etc diapers. And, we can't just change their diaper. . .we have to use wipes too. Of course, I can't put the same diaper back on them either. . .I have to get a new one. Boy, I'm going to have to buy some doll diapers. I did save some of her preemie and newborn diapers for this very reason. Olivia LOVES her birth size doll. It wasn't intended to be a toy for her. . .more of a keepsake, so she knows that she has to be very gentle with it. In the above picture, she carefully put the doll on her bed, covered her up and informed me that she was sleeping. She knows this doll is very special.

Remembrance

We remember all of those who have fought for our freedom. We remember those who gave the ultimate sacrifice. We also remember on this day, our amazing son Logan. It's easy, as time goes on, for others to forget that we lost a son, but it's often at the forefront of our minds. We still ache with sadness. We still weep in pain. He will always be our miracle and beloved son. Please take a moment to remember all who are dear to you. . .those that are with you and those you have lost.

A Look Back

Sept 2007
Dec 2007

March 2008

June 2008

Sept 2008

Dec 2008

March 2009

June 2009

Sept 2009

Dec 2009

March 2010

(almost) June 2010

Saturday, May 29, 2010 - Update

There are so many things that cannot be conveyed through the blog. One such thing is how sweet Olivia is. She literally epitomizes the word. She's also very tiny. As she approaches 3 years old, she is still hovering around 23 lbs. I don't worry about it nearly as much. I figure that I'm doing the very best that I can and if that's not enough than someone (like a doctor) will have to help me. Olivia is also very active. That's the first thing people notice about her. . .that she is very busy. She starts gymnastics next week for this very reason. She's very social and loves to be around people. I don't think there is a shy bone in her body even though me and her dad have ample amounts of shyness. When I see Olivia, I often say "Hi baby!" I never realized I did that until I started noticing Olivia walking up to people and saying "Hi Baby!" She doesn't understand when I tell her that it may not be appropriate. And, last but not least. . .I cannot tell you how funny she is. She has this hilarious personality and just wants to make people laugh. When she sings songs in her cookie monster/gremlin voice, I don't think I've ever laughed so hard. When she hears a doorbell, she asks, "Are the boys home?" She loves to talk about boys. . should I be worried? :) Olivia seems to win the hearts of everyone she meets and I thoroughly enjoy being her mom.

Thursday, May 27, 2010 Update

I am finally able to post pictures more easily, so I thought I'd post a couple. Olivia has become very particular about what she wears. Izzy is going through a similar stage so I figured we'd have a few months before Olivia went through it. . . apparently not. Olivia will not wear dresses or capris. I think she is confused about whether capris are supposed to be pants or shorts. She will not wear jean shorts. And, she's at the point where she can take most clothes off, so it's hard to keep things on her that she doesn't want to wear. I can understand why she doesn't like certain clothes, but others are surprising. Sometimes I just have to let her pick something out. Some days, we don't match all that well but, if she's happy. . .I'm happy too.

Funny Story

Today, Olivia and I were outside and I asked if she wanted to go for a walk. Then, I asked her if she wanted to walk or get her stroller. She doesn't want to ride in her stroller much anymore, so I was surprised when she got excited about it. We went inside to get her stroller and Olivia took off down the hallway. She then came barreling towards the door pushing her baby in her baby stroller. She thought I meant THAT stroller! I didn't have the heart to dissapoint her, so we went for a walk with Olivia pushing her own baby. When did she go from being a baby in a stroller to pushing her own? She is still talking about how fun it was. :)

Last Thought

Please don't think I'm losing my faith in God. That is unwavering. I think you gain a deeper understanding of things when you ask questions and you delve deeper into the issues that you're struggling with. I am exceedingly blessed. So blessed that I'm scared to lose the things that I cherish so deeply. I'm scared for others to lose those things as well. At the same time, I know those things in life aren't what ultimately matters. When you accept Jesus as your Lord and Savior who died on the cross for your sins to pave the way for your eternity in heaven. . .that is what matters. That doesn't mean that life still isn't hard. You can be angry. You can be human. That's how I've felt lately and I am blessed to be able to share that with all of you and gain your feedback. You all mean a lot to me and have helped me through many difficult times. My hope is that everyone has that support system too. Much love to you all!

More Thoughts. . .

I'm still upset about the news I received yesterday. I didn't sleep hardly at all last night and was up thinking about Tripp and his family. There is something fundamentally wrong with a child having cancer. After watching my own children fight for their lives in the NICU, I developed this belief that they were fighting the hardest that they will ever have to fight. The rest of their lives would be "smooth sailing." I've held fast to this belief that Olivia will never know the pain of losing a child or have to fight as hard as she did when she was born. She deserves to live a fulfilling and wonderful life devoid of anything causing her turmoil and pain. She has been through enough. Now, I know my belief is severely lacking in probability because God never promises us that life will be easy. That belief was quickly dispelled when I figured out getting pregnant wouldn't come easy. But, for some reason I can get through each day knowing that the worst is behind us. Then, I learn about Tripp, a 23 weeker just like Olivia, who is diagnosed with cancer. The news just affected me in a way that I cannot explain. That is not supposed to happen. Not to such good people who have already been through a lot. It just shakes me to the core and leaves me wondering what to cling to. It's hard to believe that God always wants what is best for us when you have to watch your children barely hang onto life in an incubator or hold your 1 month old deceased son in your arms for the first and last time or watch someone you love fight against cancer or. . .the list goes on and on. It's easy to forget what life is really about and I guess that's where I'm at. I want to teach my daughter that life is good and carefree, but how do you do that when there is so much suffering in the world? I don't know. I just don't know.

Please Pray!!!

I really need to ask all of you for some prayers. As you know, the 23 weeker and micropreemie community is pretty tight. . .we all support each other because we know how hard our kiddos had to fight. I met an amazing family while in the NICU with 23 week twins born a month after mine named Tripp and Trinity. Tripp gave Olivia a run for her money in the NICU! I think he even went home before 105 days (Olivia's stay.) Olivia had her strabismus surgery the same day as Trinity. I enjoyed seeing them both at the March for Babies last month and they are an amazing family!!

I found out tonight. . .I can barely type it. . .but, Tripp was diagnosed with cancer. I believe it is neuroblastoma. I don't think I have ever cried so hard for a child who was not my own. As a 23 weeker, he has already fought so hard. Why would God place cancer in his path? And, for a child to have to go through chemotherapy??? I already know what this family has had to go through and now. . .to go through this seems unimaginable!!! Please ask God to cover this family with his mercy and peace and to help this little boy fight this huge fight ahead of him. He's already proven that he is one of the strongest of fighters. Please, please pray for this family and leave your comments here. I will make sure that they get them.

Monday, May 24, 2010 - Update

I am such a big girl!

Why, you ask? For the first time EVER, she did amazing at her eye appointment. Usually, she starts screaming/crying the second that she catches a glimpse of her doctor. Olivia and I talked a lot about this appointment and how important it is to be a big girl. We talked about not crying and letting the doctor look in her eyes. We talked about the light being like a firefly. Grandma Sailing came along and talked to her about being a big girl. We brought along her trusty sidekicks, Gogum and Lily. I don't know if all of that worked or if she just decided that the eye doctor might be okay, but she did awesome. You could tell that she was a little apprehensive and she cried just a bit when he turned the light off, but. . .wow. She even said hi to him and snuck in a smile or two. She has never done that. I was so proud of her. . .I was beaming! Maybe we can stick with the ophthalmologist after all.

I thought I'd better write an update tonight. I have just been busy loving life and feeling blessed. Olivia is doing well, although she has an awful cough right now. It breaks my heart listening to her try to sleep while coughing uncontrollably. Luckily, she is acting fine otherwise so I hope this passes quickly. Today, we got ready to head over to my parents' house to see their new swingset when I noticed that my rear tire was completely flat. So, that's a migraine, a kidney stone and a flat tire in the same week. :) We had to unexpectedly deal with that today and luckily the tire could be patched. We did get to spend some time over at my parents' house and Olivia was the first to try out the new swingset. Izzy later joined her and they had a blast in the backyard.

Please pray for Olivia tomorrow because she has another eye appointment. I'm hoping to soon switch her over to an optometrist (instead of an ophthalmologist.) Dr. W. is the only pediatric ophthalmologist in town, but Olivia just doesn't like him at all which makes the checkups that much more traumatizing. We would still need him if Olivia has to have another strabismus surgery, but I'm hoping the checkups can be with an optometrist. I actually have an appointment with one this week and I'm going to talk to her about taking Olivia as a patient. But, for now. . .wish us luck.