Saturday, September 6, 2008 - Update

Birthday Girl
Loyal blog reader, Mary Anne, and husband James.

Birthday Boy

The world just didn't seem right without a smiling Olivia. She's not 100% recovered, but today she was full of smiles and laughs. In just two days, we've noticed some amazing strides. She is actually showing interest in toys that don't make noise. She stares at objects a little more intently and she's starting to push up on her arms to see certain things. I can't believe that her vision was hindering her that much, but only time will tell.

Ryan attended the birthday party of our nephew, Aidan, and our niece, Rebekah. Olivia and I were unable to attend as she's still recovering. Sorry that we missed everyone, but I hear Olivia was a big topic of conversation. It's such a joy to learn that Olivia is not only a blessing to her family, but to everyone who knows her.

Eye See Smiles Again

I'm feeling much better today. Thank you for all of your prayers.
Mom and dad even got me to smile. . .

and laugh!

So Sad

Olivia is doing better today and is sort of acting like herself again. . .minus the smiles. Poor thing just seems so very sad. I can't tell you how many times my heart has broken. Olivia woke me up about every hour with crying and moaning. She still needs constant attention and reassurance from us. Thankfully, Ryan went ahead and took another day off work to help us out and because he didn't sleep all that well either. He is also struggling with a sore throat.

We are really hoping this surgery is successful. Because her eyes were not moving well together, it affected her depth perception. We are hoping that by correcting it, we will see an increase in her reaching for objects and a positive effect on her development overall. Please continue to pray for her.

Home Sweet Home

What a long day! It's nice to be home. I have to say that Olivia was an angel all morning even though she was tired and hungry. I was so proud of her. We enjoyed seeing many of the NICU nurses who came to visit Olivia today. I have to say, it was very difficult watching the nurse walk down the long hall with her to the operating room.

The doctor came in to get us about an hour later. He had that "everything went fine, but. . " look on his face. . .you know the look. The surgery went well, but afterwards Olivia developed a rash all over her body. They weren't able to pinpoint what caused it, but we have a list of everything that was given to her. After they gave her a steroid shot and some Benadryl, the rash slowly began to go away. We have to continue the Benadryl at home, along with Tylenol and eye drops. It breaks my heart to see her blood-tinged tears.

When we went into the recovery room, Olivia was not herself. She was pretty combative from the anesthesia. Her arms were flailing and she was screaming, however, there's nothing that the ant song can't do. She just wanted her mommy and we got her back to sleep. She slept and slept and slept in the recovery room. We finally had to wake her up and have her take a bottle before we could go home. We headed for home around 4:00 pm. We are all pretty tired and Olivia has been asleep since we arrived home.

Ashle, Trinity, Me and Mommy. Trinity is also a Wesley NICU graduate who was born at 23 weeks. She had eye surgery today too. I just know that someday we're going to be great friends.

Daddy, mommy, me and a giraffe. Can you believe that there was a giraffe in the room?

They gave me some medicine before my surgery to help me remain calm when they took me away from mom and dad. It made me a little loopy. I wasn't even that hungry anymore.

Surgery was tough. Afterwards, I just wanted my mommy.

All I wanted to do was sleep, but eventually they woke me up and gave me a bottle.

Here I am finally at home, but I'm still not very happy. Surgery is no fun.

Olivia's Surgery

Thank you to everyone praying for Olivia as she goes in for surgery tomorrow. Many of you have requested addtional information about this surgery. The following two links have a little more information for those of you interested.

Pediatric Strabismus surgery

Strabismus surgery

We will arrive at the hospital tomorrow at 9:30 am (although we might go a bit sooner and swing by the NICU.) Her surgery is scheduled for 11:30 am. Hopefully, we'll be home by early evening. Thank you so much for all of your prayers.

Happy Birthday, Aidan!

I can't believe Aidan is turning 3 today. Wasn't he Kaleb's age yesterday? What a sweet boy he is. He's the only one I know who may be a bigger Cars fan than my dad. He is such a funny, imaginative, sweet, laid back little boy. We love you, Aidan. Have a great birthday!

Wednesday, September 3, 2008 - Update

What year is it? 2008? Are you sure? Because I watched 90210 last night and right now I'm listening to New Kids On the Block's new album. Tamar and Tiffany? We should be listening to this together. For some reason, we felt that we each had to have dibs on our favorite New Kid. Tiffany had Donnie and I think Tamar and I fought over Jordan. I must have won because Tamar had Jon. :) Talk about a blast from the past. That has been what I've needed this week. . .thoughts of simpler times, although I wouldn't trade in the life I have now with my husband and amazing daughter. Who would want to be a pre-teen again anyway? Although I'm not quite looking forward to Olivia's surgery tomorrow. Please keep us in your prayers.

Tuesday, September 2, 2008 - Update

Did you like to watch me jumping? Jumping in just my diaper is my favorite.

Olivia slowly seems to be getting over her cold. She still has a bit of a runny nose, but seems fine otherwise. Hopefully, it won't be enough to keep her from having her strabismus surgery on Thursday. Wow, I am so nervous about that. She can't eat anything after midnight and her surgery is not until 11:30 am. That's almost 12 hours of not eating!! She can have water, juice or Pedialyte until 5:30 am, but do I really want to wake her up for that? We plan on keeping her up (or waking her back up) for one more bottle around midnight. She usually takes her last bottle at 8:30 pm. We are all going to be an emotional wreck that day. And, that's just getting her to the surgery. I'm completely nervous about the surgery and recovery. I don't want to see her back on a ventilator. . .even if it's only for a short time. I know it's a fairly routine surgery, but I just want it over with.

I also ask that you keep my dad in your prayers as he searches for new employment. He was with the same company for over 30 years, but the last 5 years have been difficult as the industry has changed so much. He works in the auto collision industry as a painter. Sometimes I don't know why he'd want to work in a hot, un-airconditioned shop around any and every kind of person, but he loves what he does. To him, it is an art form and a skill. . . .so much more than just a job. Doesn't anybody appreciate that anymore? If your car was in the shop, wouldn't you want someone who takes pride in their work instead of someone who doesn't know what they're doing and does it as fast as possible? The last shop he worked at closed down last month after promises of a new shop. Please pray that he finds something soon and that he is able to continue doing what he loves to do. So, I guess my whole family needs extra prayers this week.

Jumping for Joy

Before viewing video, be sure to scroll down and pause the music!

Thanks to our family who took a 'leap of faith' at Olivia's birthday party.

*I hope you all have been enjoying the video. I always get these crazy ideas/visions and my wonderful husband always makes them happen. So, thank you, Ryan, for putting the video together. I wonder who has watched this video the most times? Who can't get this song out of your head? The song is from one of my childhood records called Animals by Candle with the Agapeland Singers. It sells on ebay for about $40.00, so it must be difficult to get nowadays.

Saturday, August 30, 2008 - Update

Although Olivia is getting better and better, she still has an aversion to using her arms. We often purposely put toys in front of her that require use of her arms, yet she finds a way around it. She just uses her feet! I don't know if it is just a quirky thing about her. . .if it's because she is a 23 weeker or if there is some other hidden cause.

Friday, August 29, 2008 - Update

I love my dadadadaddada

It's often hard to relive the day of Olivia and Logan's birth. What some people don't understand is that I never felt that I was "giving life" to my babies that day. I felt that their lives were being lost. Because of the skills of neonatologists, nurses, and RTs, the research of March of Dimes and the grace of God. . .Olivia's life was saved. The entire atmosphere of the room that day was not one of happiness and joy. Olivia did not cry at birth. . .actually, it took months before I could hear her cry. They didn't wrap her up in a blanket and hand her to me. I couldn't hold her for a month and a half. One time I got to hold Logan up in his isolette, but I never got to hold Logan in my arms. Here it is a year later and I still have no idea what to write in Olivia's baby book where it asks about mom and dad's reaction to her birth. Horror. . .disbelief. . .sadness. . .I can't write that. It's amazing to think that a year has passed since that day. At times it seems like a lifetime ago and at other times it seems like it was yesterday. I'm so grateful for Olivia and her life. I was robbed of the joy of her birth, but the joy that I have being her mother is beyond measure.

If you'll notice, I have added a new blog to my preemie blog list. I ask you to keep Rhys in your prayers. This is another family who finds themselves in the same situation. They lost their son, Bentley, shortly after birth and his twin brother, Rhys, is in the NICU fighting hard. Please pray for this family. My hope is that Rhys, much like Olivia, will make it home by Christmas.

Olivia On T.V

Did any of you catch Olivia on the news yesterday? I am an awful mom because I missed it. Grandma Mary spent the night Tuesday night so that I could get some sleep. Given the opportunity to get a full night's sleep, I just couldn't bring myself to wake up at 6 am. Thankfully, Shelley was an awesome aunt and she woke up to record it. I hear that Olivia and Grandma Mary were up to watch it as well.

Remembering Logan

A balloon for Logan
We released it by Logan's tree.

Thank you all for the amazing comments. Yesterday was a difficult day with so many different emotions. It's hard to feel so many emotions about one single day. Olivia is still fighting her cold, but thankfully it doesn't seem to be getting any worse. She is handling it in true Olivia fashion and is being such a trooper.

Happy Birthday Olivia Paige!

A few days old

1 month - Fighting hard 2 months - Off the ventilator

3 months - In special care, ready to go home in a few weeks.

4 months - Home in time for Christmas

5 months

6 months

7 months

8 months

9 months

10 months

11 months

Can you believe that I'm one year old?

I have more that I want to write about for her first birthday, but with Olivia sick. . it's not going to happen anytime soon. So, I'm going to ask all of you to write instead. Because they had to put me out for my emergency c-section, some details of that day are sketchy. Even after waking up, I just remember needing to push the little button to give me more pain meds.

So, how did you find out about Olivia and Logan's birth? Or for those of you who came later. . .how did you find our blog? Please join me in wishing Olivia the happiest birthday that she can have while learning about what it's like to be sick.

Tuesday, August 26, 2008 - Update

Did you hear? For my birthday I got a pony!

I knew it was going to happen eventually. At least we made it one day short of a year. It turns out that we are not invincible and our sweet Olivia is sick. (My week just keeps getting better and better.) We went to the doctor this morning and it seems to be just a cold. Please pray that it stays that way. We were up most of the night, but Olivia is in pretty good spirits today. Please pray that this passes quickly because her surgery is next week and I don't want to postpone it.

Monday, August 25, 2008 - Update

This was not a good way to start the week. I had to have my rat, Lucy, put to sleep this morning. She started going downhill on Saturday and I didn't know if she would make it through the weekend. She was struggling for every breath, she wasn't eating and could barely move. Her right lung was completely collapsed. Every time I went downstairs to see her, she would use every ounce of strength to come see me. Lucy just wanted me to hold her. It was hard to see her like that. It must be frightening to have to try that hard to breathe.

With rats, you kind of have to forget every stereotype or preconceived notion that you have. Once you do that, you truly discover what amazing little creatures they are. I got Lucy 2 years ago after about 7 months of consecutive fertility treatments. I was defeated. I was sad. I needed something to nurture and love. Lucy helped fill that void. She was a "people" rat and would spend all day with you if she could. We usually called her Luce Goose and I was always amazed at how smart and gentle she was. She loved to drink out of the bathroom faucet in the basement. Lucy and Olivia the rat were the best of friends and I always worried how one would cope without the other. After cleaning their cage each week, Lucy would sort of sigh and then get to work building a little nest for them to sleep in. I don't think Olivia the rat knows how to make one and I don't know where she'll sleep. I have tried to help Lucy and make a nest for them, but she would re-do it every time. I guess I don't know how to make one either.

When rats are euthanized, they must inject them in the abdomen or heart because their veins are too small. Because that can be painful, they sedate them beforehand. I held Lucy while they sedated her and she fell asleep in my arms. It was hard, but I think the hardest part has been watching her struggle to breathe for the last few days. Finally, she could rest and she didn't have to work so hard anymore. I wasn't there when they actually euthanized her, although I believe that she passed away under the sedation. Ryan was kind enough to go get her during his lunch break because I didn't think I could take her back home. We wanted her to be buried with the rest of our pets: Exodia, Odin, Kirsten and Bailey.

Of course, losing a pet is nothing like losing a child. There are varying degrees of sadness, however, depending on the love that you have. I loved my little Lucy so of course I will feel sad. My love for Logan was immeasurable. . .my sadness overwhelming. Everytime I am sad about anything, my mind drifts to Logan and that awful sadness comes to light. Tomorrow I have to decide what to do for Logan at the cemetery as we remember his upcoming birthday. . .maybe some flowers and balloons. That's tough. But, Olivia gets me through it. I thought that her birthday party would be overshadowed by my grief, but I was completely focused on her and how amazing she is. It was truly a celebration of her life and I'm so proud of her. I know that Logan must be proud of her too. Thank you for letting me ramble on. I needed that today.

More Pictures From My One-derful Day

Alex and Katie enjoyed the video games.
Kaleb enjoyed his yellow balloon.

Here is Rebekah enjoying the pizza.
Izzy liked the balloons even more than the stairs.

Julia was there

and Aidan was too!

A lone giraffe balloon animal.

The aftermath: A big mess

And one happy baby!

I will officially be one on August 27th! I can't believe it.

A First Birthday Party To Remember

I rode Mr. Giraffe before the party started.

My dad made giraffe balloon animals!

I'm ready!

Did you see all of my presents?

Blow!

This was my own special cake.
Mmmm. . .
It's yummy!

We had a wonderful first birthday party for Olivia. Wow, she got a lot of presents. I don't know where we're going to put them all. We are all exhausted. I have more pictures and I will write more tomorrow. Thank you to everyone for making it such an enjoyable and memorable day.