Ribbon In The Sky

Tonight as I was cleaning up dinner, Olivia found a roll of ribbon. She started running around the house with it (or as Olivia said. . .she was tying up the house.)  Tobey quickly joined in and chased the string of ribbon around.  He gave it an honest effort, but tired out pretty quickly.  To be fair, it’s hard to keep up with Olivia.  Kelsey then discovered the awesome red ribbon flying across the house and joined in.  Olivia and Kelsey had a blast and ran around for nearly an hour!!  Olivia showed no signs of tiring, but poor Kelsey was panting and breathing heavily when I finally called it quits.  You know, sometimes I question the decision of getting a third cat (even as sweet as Kelsey is.)  But, Olivia absolutely adores Kelsey and reminds me every day that Kelsey is her baby kitty. 

 

Olivia even shares her elephant with Kelsey.

But anyway. . .who knew a ribbon could provide hours of endless fun for kids and cats?  They should all sleep soundly tonight!

Moro Reflex

We had Olivia’s parent teacher conference tonight and she got glowing reviews.  I was thrilled to learn that she was participating so well in class.  She has come so very far.  The main thing that we discussed is that her physical therapist noticed that Olivia has retained many of her infant/primitive reflexes.  These are normally inhibited in infancy.  The first one that we are addressing is the Moro reflex, or the infant startle reflex that is usually integrated by 6 months of age.  Olivia is now 4 1/2 years of age.  Symptoms of a retained Moro reflex can mimic ADHD and autism and include poor coordination, sensitivity to light, sound, movement, touch, trouble with transitions, hyperactivity, etc.  It makes sense given how atypical her early development was.  It answers many of the questions that I have searched for in trying to better understand my daughter.  I’m thrilled to have another piece of the puzzle!!  We start doing exercises with her every day and she will also continue them at school.  I stumbled across a website that addresses primitive reflexes.  Unfortunately, there are no rhythmic movement instructors in our state. 

http://www.rhythmicmovement.com/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=11&Itemid=18

Here is another website that addresses integrating the Moro reflex.

http://penny-arcos.hubpages.com/hub/Integrate-the-Moro-Reflex-to-Stop-ADHD-Behavior

After this reflex is (hopefully) integrated, we move on to at least 4 more reflexes with exercises that get more complex.  Please continue praying for Olivia’s development and that she will be open to these exercises.  Like any parent, I want to see Olivia grow and learn and thrive.  I don’t want anything to stand in her way!  She is amazing. . .that girl. . .my sweet Olivia Paige.

Wednesday, February 22, 2012

My day started off with a certain sweet girl calmly walking into my room and saying, “Mommy, I need a bowl.  I’m going to throw up.”  I jumped up, ran, got a bowl and she did just that.  Honestly, I was so proud of the maturity she showed.  And, it was nice that for the first time it didn’t go all over the place.  Poor girl, though, it just broke my heart.  I was hoping that it was just caused by her congestion since she only threw up once, but my stomach is feeling quite queasy right now.  I managed to dig up some of my old expired Zofran and it seems to help.  Hoping all of us feel better soon. . .

Tuesday, February 21, 2012

We got notification that chicken pox is in Olivia’s classroom and that she was exposed.  Because she’s only had one varicella vaccination (her 2nd one would be before kindergarten) they recommended that she receive the 2nd one as soon as possible.  So, I called and got her pediatrician’s recommendation and they thought she should come in.  When I told Olivia that we were going to the doctor, she cried and cried and cried (and I didn’t even tell her about the shot!)  I finally told her when we got there and she was a trooper.  After the shot was over, I told her it was time to go and she said, “That’s it?  They don’t even have to look in my mouth and nose?”  So, apparently that was what she was worried about.  Sheesh. . .I should have just told her it was ONLY a shot.  That’s Olivia though. . .a shot is nothing, but an x-ray at the dentist is pure torture. 

Afterwards, we went out for ice cream with Shelley and Izzy.  Olivia had the blue birthday cake ice cream that Izzy recommended and thought it was so funny that her tongue turned blue. 

Daddy came to the rescue tonight.  He super glued Peacock back together along with one of its wings AND got her a new Peacock with the same big eyes.  She is in heaven!

Yep, old Peacock is not looking too good these days.  Maybe he’ll retire soon.  Isn’t this the third post on Peacock in a week?  I promise this is the last one. . .he’s just a pretty big deal in our house right now.  LOL!  In fact, Olivia can’t decide between a Squinkies party for her 5th birthday or a peacock party.  Thankfully, we still have 6 months to decide. 

Poor Peacock

We have a very heartbroken little girl.  For one, she doesn’t feel very well.  And, after she went to bed last night, she came out of her room with huge tears . . .like she lost her best friend.  A big chunk of Peacock (her most favorite toy in the whole world) broke off.  Seriously, I had tears in my eyes because of the love and concern she has for Peacock.  It has got to be the most loved Squinkie in the entire world.  She does everything with Peacock.  You should have seen me last night going through her Squinkie box trying to convince her of the “potential” of her other Squinkies.  I don’t know what is so special about Peacock, but it sure means a lot to her. 

March for Babies

After much thought and consideration, Ryan and I have decided that we will NOT be participating in the March for Babies this year.  Don’t worry. . .we plan on having the Olivia and Logan Team back next year.  Hopefully, we’ll be back bigger and better than ever!  I wanted to let you all know before any money was donated to our team.  Of course, you’re still welcome to donate online to our team as the March of Dimes is a very worthy cause.  But, we will not be walking this year.  Thanks for all of your support in the past!

Saturday, February 18, 2012

We decided to drive up to Hutchinson today and go to the Kansas Cosmosphere and Space Center.  Olivia has shown an interest lately in planets and rockets and space, so we thought she might enjoy it.  To be honest, I was never interested in any of that as a child so I’m trying to re-open my eyes to it.  LOL!  We even made it to an IMAX show about elephants and orangutans.   When the show first started, Olivia asked, “Are we IN the movie?” It was too cute.  I’ve always been impressed by the IMAX theater at the Cosmosphere  too. 

I guess we were both looking up at the wrong camera. . .

I think she had a good time.  Upon leaving, however, we found out that she was disappointed because she thought she was going there to ride in a rocket.  So, it didn’t quite live up to her expectations. 

Peacock

Around our house, we have Squinkies growing out of our ears!  Olivia got some last year in her Easter basket and has been mesmerized with them since.  Her very favorite one is her beloved Peacock (actually I think it’s a blue parakeet, but Olivia insists it is indeed a peacock.) Every time you see her, chances are, Peacock is tucked safely in her hands.  She even sleeps with it every night clutched in her fist.  (Until she wakes up at 3 am crying for Peacock and I’m in her room with a flashlight and hula hoop trying to retrieve it from under her bed.)

Anyway, a few months ago, we misplaced Peacock and after a few weeks of hearing Olivia pine over it, we figured out what series it came in and got her a new Peacock. We thought she’d be happy, but she told us it was NOT Peacock. It didn’t have big eyes, she said. I argued that it was exactly the same as her Peacock, but she consistently told me it was not. One happy day, Olivia found her old Peacock and was overjoyed!! And. . .come to find out. . .she was right.    

They are not the same because her peacock has bigger eyes. That’ll teach me not to argue with her. LOL! Notice that Peacock’s wings have both fallen off and it’s no longer shiny. But, to Olivia it is the most special toy in the world!

Olivia and her Peacock

Happy Valentines Day

I thought of making a candelit dinner for Ryan, but it wouldn’t quite have the same romantic feel with a 4 year old.  So, Olivia and I decided to put up streamers and blow up some balloons.  I even helped Olivia make daddy a cute handprint valentine. 

I did also make him his favorite dinner. . . .

and Olivia and I wrote down all the reasons that we love him.

Here are some of Olivia’s. 

*I love daddy because he gets me donuts.

*I love to watch Spiderman with daddy.

*I love daddy because he makes me lots of things.

*I love daddy because he plays Squinkies.  LOL!

Happy Valentines Day!

March for Babies 2012

The March for Babies is in 2 months.  This year, it is on Saturday, April 14, 2012 at 9 am.  The walk starts at 10 am.  If you’ve previously been on the Olivia and Logan Team, we’d LOVE to have you back to walk with us.  If you haven’t, please consider joining.  We have a great time together.  As Olivia gets old enough to understand what she endured, I want her to know how much she continues to be supported and loved.  This is also one of the few ways that I have to honor my son’s memory.  Together, who knows how many babies, like Olivia, will be saved.  The above video is one that I made for National Prematurity Awareness Day.  It also tells our story and why we march for babies.  It is something very near and dear to my heart.  If you cannot attend, please consider giving a small donation to our team. . .every little bit helps.  Just click on the link on the sidebar to your right.  Thank You! 

CiRcUs

We took Olivia to the circus for the first time today.  I don’t believe I had been since I was in elementary school.  I didn’t know that many people really went to the circus anymore, but it was packed!  I mean  “traffic backed up, no place to sit” packed!  We, however, had a great time!

FAC

A few weeks ago, I decided to join the neonatal FAC (family advisory council) at the hospital where Olivia and Logan were born.  I went to the first meeting and everything was fine until we went to tour the recently remodeled parent resource room.  I had no idea that I’d be walking into the room that I held Logan in the night that he died.  I was flooded with emotion and felt that I had made zero progress in the past 4+ years.  After much soul searching and prayer, I realized that I just could not regularly visit the NICU again or return to that room.  I talked to the head of the FAC about my feelings and she tried to think of other ways that I could help.  She then offered me my own column in their newsletter.  Hopefully, I’ll be able to think of what to say and ways to help parents currently going through the NICU.  I just have to think of the title of my column.  Any ideas??  Please leave your ideas in the comments section!  Also, Olivia will be featured on their Wall of Hope.  Hopefully, we’ll be able to bring hope to those in the NICU and with time, maybe I can venture back into that world to help others.  For now, I’m just going to have to do it from afar. 

There Are No Words

On Saturday,  I celebrated the life of Paxten along with her friends and family.  It was an amazing and memorable service and meant a lot to me as a fellow grieving mother.  I’ve been meaning to blog about it, but there are no words.  The pastor mentioned that children who lose their parents are called orphans.  One who loses a spouse is called a widow/widower.  But, there is no name for a parent grieving the loss of a child.  There are no words.  I pray for Blake and Libby as time goes on because the grieving never truly stops. . .it just takes different forms.  Like all parents who have lost a child, they will someday be asked, “How many children do you have?”  It’s amazing how many times I have been asked this question and I still don’t know how to answer.  There are no words.  Or someone will look straight at me and ask, “Can you even imagine losing a child?” as if I’ve never had to bury my own.  Most people, fortunately, cannot imagine it and God bless those who know the pain all too well.   I am and will become many more things in life, but I’ll always be a mother who lost her child. 

During times of heartache such as these, many people talk about taking the blessings that we have for granted.  I’ve never felt that we take Olivia for granted after all we’ve been through.  It’s not really the blessings that we are guilty of taking for granted. . .it’s the hardships.  Potty training Olivia was a very challenging task and I can’t say that I’d ever want to relive that.  But, Libby and Blake were unable to experience that with Paxten and I would have given anything to potty train Logan.  So, did I take potty training Olivia for granted?  Maybe I did.   The morning that it took me 2 hours just to get Olivia to eat a half of a banana?  I should praise God. Or the fact that she is unable to sit through an entire meal on her bottom without getting up to dance around?  Praise the Lord.   Thank you, God, for allowing me to experience parenthood.  I know I appreciate the good, but I ask God for the patience and grace to deal with the challenges that we as parents face. . .and to praise Him through it all.  Every child is a gift from God and one that could be returned at any moment.  

There are truly no words to describe the pain of losing a child and the pain I feel for Blake and Libby.  Please keep them and all the parents who have had to bury a child in your thoughts and prayers.  Sometimes it’s hard to find the words, but simply letting them know that you care means a lot. 

Sunday, February 5, 2012

Here are a few pics from the past week or so.  I’ve been kinda bad about getting them posted.

We’ve been heading to the park after I pick Olivia up from preschool.  Luckily, we’ve had a mild winter that has allowed us to do so. 

The other night, Olivia wanted to play dress up for the first time ever, I believe.  All we had were old Halloween costumes.  Remember this one?  From when she was 2??? LOL!

Halloween 2009

And, Olivia and her cousin, Izzy, showed up at grandma and grandpa’s house today with matching kitty outfits.  Those two are too cute!

Birthday song

When my daughter does anything, she gives it her all. . .even if it's singing happy birthday to her mom.  I love her enthusiasm and zest for life! 

Wednesday, February 1, 2012

Today was my birthday and it was a great day.  I don’t know if it was the beautiful 60+ degree weather (it usually snows on my birthday) or the fact that I spent ALL day shopping by myself, but it was great.  I spent most of my birthday money on clothes for Olivia, but that is just as fun for me as shopping for myself.  I got her so many cute outfits and a new jacket for spring!  Come to think of it, my great day was probably due to the fact that I got my braces off today after 17 months!  What a great birthday present! 

My last picture with braces

Okay, so it’s not a very good picture of me, so just look at the teeth. Ha!  This is actually with my retainer in!  Things sure have advanced a lot since I had a retainer in high school.  I hope you all had a very blessed day today. . .it is the best day of the year after all.

Winner of the Giveaway

Thank you to all who entered the giveaway.  I seriously wish I had one to give to all of you.  I took all of the commenters and assigned them a number in the order that they commented.

1. Sarah

2. Julie

3. Kim

4. Brandi

5. Shawna

6. Cindy

7. Amanda

8. Angie

9. Jamie

10. R Jarvis

11. Stacie

12. Sarah

13. Jill

14. Shelley

Then, I went to www.random.org and entered in 1-14 and. . .

True Random Number Generator Min: 1 Max: 14  Result:2

The result was 2!  Julie, you are the winner!

I have to contact My Memories Suite to obtain your promo code that will enable you to purchase the software package for free.  As soon as I get that, I will contact you.  Thank you for entering!

To those who didn’t win (don’t worry, I never seem to win anything either) you can still purchase the software at My Memories for $10 off with promo code STMMMS18517.  You can also click on the link on my sidebar and it will take you to the site.

Thanks again to those who entered and who have continued to read my little ‘ole blog for 4+ years.  I really appreciate it. 

Somebody’s Praying

I put this video together a few weeks ago with the first Praying for Paxten pictures that I received.  Who knew that we would eventually receive almost 200 P4P pictures!  Paxten meant so much to so many people.  Blake and Libby continue to need our prayers and support.  Together, let’s carry them through this extremely difficult time.  Let God’s love shine through each and every one of us.  May we touch their lives the way they have touched ours. 

 

The Weaving

My life is but a weaving, between my God and me;
I do not choose the colors, He worketh steadily.
Oft times He weaveth sorrow, and I in foolish pride
Forget He sees the upper, and I the under side.
Not til the loom is silent, and shuttles cease to fly
Will God unroll the canvas and explain the reason why
The dark threads are as needful in the skillful Weaver’s hand
As threads of gold and silver in the pattern He has planned.

–Anonymous

Paxten Reede Pearson

March 10, 2010 -  January 29, 2012

Many of you have come to know Paxten.  She is the niece of my very best friends growing up and her family is like my own.  She was diagnosed with leukemia in December 2010.  She underwent a bone marrow transplant about a month and a half ago.  Although the transplant was successful, she suffered many post-transplant complications.  I’m so sad to tell you that sweet Paxten is now in the loving arms of Jesus.  She passed away earlier this evening.  Sometimes God does not answer our prayers the way that we want Him too, but He does have a purpose for it all. We just have to trust in that and in the fact that God does love us even when we are faced with unimaginable pain.  This is seemingly an easy thing to understand. . .until the thing you want most in the world is not to be.  I prayed and prayed for my son to remain on earth and yet that wasn’t God’s purpose for him.  I’ve spent the last four years trying to make sense of it all. It will probably never make sense to me. . .on earth.  God’s purpose is bigger than what our minds can comprehend.  But, God is in control and trusting in that is what faith is all about.  Paxten was such a special girl and her impact on this world will be felt for a long, long time.  Please continue to pray for her parents, Blake and Libby, and their entire family.  Keep them near and dear to your heart.

Here is a link to their caringbridge site. 

http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/paxtenpearson

There is also a facebook group set up called Praying 4 Paxten:

https://www.facebook.com/#!/groups/308943799148496/