A First Birthday Party To Remember

I rode Mr. Giraffe before the party started.

My dad made giraffe balloon animals!

I'm ready!

Did you see all of my presents?

Blow!

This was my own special cake.
Mmmm. . .
It's yummy!

We had a wonderful first birthday party for Olivia. Wow, she got a lot of presents. I don't know where we're going to put them all. We are all exhausted. I have more pictures and I will write more tomorrow. Thank you to everyone for making it such an enjoyable and memorable day.

Friday, August 22, 2008 - Update

I love the Fall. I love everything about it. . .the weather, the changing leaves, the clothes, football season. I don't watch a lot of football, but Ryan always gets so excited about it that it makes me happy too. We didn't have a fall last year at all. Every day for 105 days, I went from our garage to the hospital parking garage without even stepping outside. Every day from summer until December, which is pretty much winter in my book. It was impossible to enjoy the season when my childrens' futures were uncertain. The cooler weather that we've had lately has me eagerly anticipating fall and I'm looking forward to enjoying it this year. Today has been a little warmer than I'd like, but it's still nice for August. Olivia and I have been thoroughly enjoying our morning walks.

We are having her first birthday party tomorrow. I can't believe it's already here. I don't think I've mentioned that Olivia officially has her first tooth (with a second one on it's way.) She is also finally sitting up unassisted for a limited amount of time. She's probably been able to do it for awhile now, but she always crosses her feet which makes it difficult. And. . .she likes to rock back and fall over. What a silly girl!

Be sure to check back this weekend for all the birthday party pics!!

Thursday, August 21, 2008 - Update

My teacher suggested that I try Cheetos. They're easy for me to grasp (and they're yummy!)

I love them!

On this day last year, I was about 22 weeks pregnant. I knew that something was not right. It felt as if the babies had dropped. My back was killing me. . .not just my lower back, but my mid-back as well. They believed that I had a rib out of place. I only got relief when I was laying down. On the day that Izzy was born, I stayed home from work because I just felt that my body needed a rest. Ryan and I did manage to go up to the hospital to meet Izzy. . .little did I know that I would be back the next day.

On August 21st, I got up with every intention of working that day. I had only been at work about an hour when I started spotting. I had never spotted throughout my pregnancy, so I was concerned. I called Ryan who shared my concern and decided to call the doctor. Since it sometimes would take hours to get a call back, Ryan had a better idea. He worked basically across the street from my doctor, so he headed over there to talk to a nurse himself. They called me while he was there and said to either go home and rest or go to the hospital to get checked out. Throughout my pregnancy, Ryan and I were overly-cautious. We had been dreaming of these babies for so long. . .we tried to do everything right. So, we went to the hospital.

I still get angry when I think about that day. I didn't feel that they took me serious enough. Something was wrong. . .I just knew it. And, they sent me home. Of course, they sent me home on bedrest, but I don't think it was because they felt something was truly wrong. I think it was more to cover themselves if something did in fact turn out to be wrong. Maybe it was supposed to happen the way it did. I would have been a lot more stressed on hospital bedrest than at home. But, this was the first day that I look back on and question whether a change could have helped my babies stay in a little longer. Maybe the outcome would have been different. Olivia wouldn't have had to spend 105 days in the NICU and she could have grown up with her twin brother. I would give anything to raise them together, but as time goes on I'm starting to accept that it wasn't meant to be.

Wednesday, August 20, 2008 - Update

I write this post with a heart full of gratitude. I can't believe that Olivia's birthday is in a week. For awhile I was struggling with her upcoming birthday for many reasons. It was as if I was taking the worst day of my life, buying a cake and celebrating it. Ryan told me it wasn't about me, it was about Olivia, but. . .I don't think it was a good day for her either. I've come to realize that it's not about celebrating that day as much as it is celebrating her life this past year. What an amazing life it is and that is definitely something worth celebrating! Of course, it's Logan's birthday too and I've struggled with remembering him in a way that doesn't overshadow the joy of Olivia's day. Someone who has become a dear friend of mine also has a daughter who lost her twin brother. She directed me towards a book called Mommy, Please Don't Cry that is just an amazing glimpse into what heaven might be like for our babies that have passed before us. In this book, it talks about how they have parties and the best chocolate cake ever. So, each year for Olivia's birthday, we decided to also have "the best chocolate cake ever" for Logan. Again. . . .a wonderful idea from that same friend. Who knows. . .maybe as Olivia gets older, she can help pick out a cake that she thinks Logan would have liked.

Her birthday party is on Saturday and we worried so much about who to invite. Our guest list was too incredibly long, so in an effort not to hurt anyone's feelings or leave anyone out. . .we decided it would just be immediate family only. That was already 26 people. I would love to share her day with all of our extended family and friends as well, but it just wasn't possible this year. You'll never understand the part that you all have played in helping us get through this difficult year. Thank you for the comments (all of you fellow bloggers know that you can never have enough.) Thank you for the 200+ visits each and every day. Thank you for allowing me to brag about and show off my daughter in a way that doesn't expose her to illnesses. Thank you for the generous gifts and cards. Thank you for being a light at the end of a dark tunnel. I appreciate you all very much.

Today is Izzy's birthday and we want to wish her the best of everything. I've been able to spend more time with Izzy lately and let me say that she is one special little girl. She is so in tune to what other's are feeling. She is so smart (did you know that she has used the potty a couple of times?) and when she flashes her smile, it just melts your heart. And, I won't even go into how cute she is (you've all seen the pictures.) I'm sorry that her first year was clouded with so much sadness in our family. There are brighter days ahead and I can't wait for Olivia and Izzy to grow up together. Happy Birthday, Isabelle Ann!!

Tuesday, August 19, 2008 - Update

8. . . 9. . .10. . .Ready or not, here we come!
I'm going shopping with Izzy!

I am going to con my mom into buying me lots of stuff. . .heehee.

After a not so good night (that I won't go into) we had a pretty good day. We met Shelley and Izzy for lunch and then we did a little bit of shopping. Those two are going to be the best of friends. Olivia was complaining quite a bit in Old Navy and Izzy was so concerned. When I picked Olivia up out of her stroller, Izzy had to be carried around by her mom as well. We even ran into one of our old NICU RTs while we were there. Olivia even tried to teach Izzy how to roll her r's. Pretty good day. . .let's just hope our night goes better tonight.

Monday, August 18, 2008 - Update

Family picture (Johnny Chuck symbolizes our sweet Logan.)

Olivia was seen by her physical therapist today. . .not quite as much good news to report. Her PT feels that by almost 8 months adjusted, Olivia should be showing a bit more interest in moving. She is perfectly content to lay on her back (after rolling over from her tummy) and play with her hands. We all believe that her vision is playing a bigger part in this than we first believed. We are working with her to get her to crawl and she cries the whole time. Now jumping. . .she could jump all day. I am going to have to tell myself that it's okay if she gets upset when I'm working with her. I tend to stop and let her do something that makes her happy. Without getting frustrated, however, she may not be motivated to progress to the next developmental step. For instance, I put her Gerber puffs in her hand to get her to put it in her mouth. She sticks her fist in her mouth, but can't seem to get the puff out. She cries with her mouth wide open so I put it in myself. I guess I need to let her get a little more frustrated and try harder to do it herself. That's hard for me to do. Please continue to keep Olivia in your prayers as she grows and develops.

Izzy's Birthday Party

Today was Izzy's birthday party.
She got her mommy and daddy messy too!

Look at her dig in.

I had some frosting and icecream.

More more mommy. . .give me more!

That was delightful!

Olivia went to her very first birthday party today. . .cousin Izzy's!! It was a kitty party. Hopefully, Izzy gave Olivia some pointers on how to be an adorable birthday girl. I hope Izzy enjoys all of her fun, new toys and has a GREAT birthday on Wednesday.

Friday, August 15, 2008 - Update

I like to watch the Olympics in my favorite chair.
Go USA!

It's pretty fun to watch.

This race is a real nail-biter!

I can't believe it!

Another world record!

Is There A Place In Your Heart?

For a baby rat like me?

I'm asking because a lady I know (fellow rat lover) was contacted by PetSmart because someone left two female rats in a shopping cart. Because she is so kind-hearted, she took both of them only to find out that one of them is pregnant. She is unable to keep the babies because she has already tried to save more than she can comfortably take care of. If she is unable to find homes for the babies, they will have to be euthanized. I would take them if I could, but we just can't right now. I told her I could surely find homes for them.

I cannot tell you enough positive things about pet rats. My two girls are amazing pets. I could go on and on about them. They bond very deeply with their owner. If you decide you'd like to have one (I would recommend getting two, however, because they are very social) you would be able to hand pick them out. The mama is ready to give birth any day!

Still haven't decided? This site has a lot of information and pictures about pet rats. Remember, they are as different from wild rats as dogs are from wolves. Anyway, if you are interested. . . .just email me and I will get you her number. When the baby rats are here, she will be bringing them to my vet's office in hopes to find them homes. Maybe they could come home with you??

Thursday, August 14, 2008 - Update

Asleep in the Jeep

Hmmm. . .I remember when she was too small to fit in this stroller. Look at her now. We had a much better night last night. I gave her some Motrin instead of Tylenol. I'm not sure if that had anything to do with it or not, but she slept all night long. The storm woke Ryan and I up, but Olivia slept right through it.

I can't write too much at the moment. Olivia is sleeping and I need to get myself something to eat. Eating. . .that is such a problem for Ryan and I. You know how everyone always complains about hospital food? I always enjoy it. If only we could get that kind of service at home. They could come to your door with a covered dish and you would lift the lid with anticipation. "What am I having tonight?" I'm not too picky. Then, you could just set your empty plate outside your door and someone would come pick it up. Oh, me and my crazy ideas.

Ryan and I hate wondering what to fix every night (he cooks just as much as I do.) Food remains our biggest obstacle. During the day, I find it hard to eat with Olivia and she doesn't like to wait on me while I cook something. Sometimes she doesn't like to let me eat. If I feed her when I eat, I end up not eating much myself. I call it the Olivia diet. (She's eating her baby food better, by the way.) Speaking of eating. . .I'd better do that before she wakes up.

Oh, What A Night

Last night, I kept muttering to myself. . "Are you kidding me?" as sleep continued to elude me. Here is how the night went:

9:00 pm Olivia is sleeping peacefully in her crib.

9:15 pm Olivia wakes up. Daddy goes in, picks her up, we put on some lullaby music and she goes back to sleep.

9:30 pm Ryan and I enjoy the Olympic games.

11:30 pm Decide that the Olympics is on way too late. We turn off the t.v. and go to bed.

11:45 pm Olivia wakes up crying. I get up and rock with her.

Midnight Olivia is back to sleep. I crawl back into bed.

12:15 am Olivia wakes up crying. I get up and rock with her.

12:25 am I am still rocking her and she falls back to sleep. Then, the SMOKE ALARM goes off!! I jump out of the chair, Olivia wakes up and I run in to get Ryan. He checks everything out. No fire or smoke.

12:45 am I decided just to sleep with Olivia on the floor in her room. I'm a little worried that there is a fire somewhere that we don't know about. I want to make sure that I can get to Olivia. Olivia goes back to sleep and I am almost to sleep.

1:00 am The smoke alarm goes off again!! Wakes everybody up. . .can you see a pattern here? It went off yet again a few hours later.

In the morning, I realized that I'm too old to sleep on the floor. Ryan changed the batteries in the smoke detectors over the weekend and they seem to beep more often everytime the batteries are changed. But, I don't ever remember them going off in the middle of the night. We are now missing a smoke detector and Ryan's going to go to Home Depot after work. Oh, what a night!

Go For The Gold, Baby!

How about playing the piano with my feet? Is that an Olympic sport? No?
Rolling over? No?

How about just being cute? Could I get a gold medal for that?

Only Stacie will find the humor in the title of my post. :) Anyway, I love the Olympics and look forward to watching it every 2 years. . .summer or winter, I love them both. I'm always so disappointed when they're over. Of course I missed the big 4 X 100m men's relay race where the USA took the gold. Ryan and I were probably cleaning up vomit. Olivia has thrown up the past two nights. We had gone weeks without any vomit. I'm not sure if it's due to her teething, her increase in bottles, decrease in baby food or the fact that she tried some baby yogurt on Sunday (and loved it.) So, we're back to dealing with that again along with the teething. . poor baby girl.

I just thought I'd mention the Olympics so that I could bring up Ian Thorpe and how disappointed I am that he retired. Was it wrong to cheer for an Australian in the 2004 Olympics? I enjoy watching Michael Phelps claim gold after gold and I like the synchronized diving and the gymnastics too. It makes you wonder about the potential of the human body. If all of those athletes can push their bodies to such extreme limits, you'd think I'd be able to run down to the mailbox without getting winded.

Thanks to my dad for helping me with a few things today and to my uncle Chris D. (I have two uncle Chris's) for your generous help as well. I really appreciate it.

Monday, August 11, 2008 - Update

None of us have been getting much sleep at night. We can barely get Olivia to bed before 11 pm, she's up multiple times at night and awakes at around 6 am. Today, Aunt Kimmy found two bottom teeth trying to poke through. I've been suspecting teeth for quite some time, but this whole teething thing keeps dragging on and on. Olivia went over to Grandma and Grandpa Glunt's today because Great-Grandma was in town. She probably thinks her great-granddaughter is a crabby baby. . .she's really not. We came home and I gave her some Tylenol and orajel. We're doing a little bit better. Let's hope these teeth are a little kinder to us all.

Sunday, August 10, 2008 - Update

I'm so happy I could burst!!

Olivia has this amazing ability to take my pain away. One smile, one laugh and my heart just skips a beat. She is the most amazing person I have ever met. Lately it seems that her development is just exploding! She rolls over all of the time, she tries to crawl up and over my shoulder when I'm holding her and she talks all of the time. I think she has her first word. Yes, it's. . . . .dadadadaddydadada. I know, all day I say, "Mama this and mama that and her first word is dad. . .go figure.

She worked so hard to make it over 15 lbs and finally did around the beginning of August. She is now 15 lbs 10 oz. No wonder she is outgrowing her clothes. She is also starting to use her arms more. Sometimes it's to pinch my nose. . .other times it's to see what's in her diaper. . .I'm just thrilled she's using them. And, she's mad that I'm not playing with her right now. So, better go.

We also want to say HAPPY BIRTHDAY UNCLE JOEL!!! Hope it was a great one.

One Boy, One Girl

Olivia

Logan

Last year on August 9th I had my 20 week ultrasound and was able to find out the sexes of my twins. It was one of the best days of my life. Baby A was measured first and we were thrilled to learn that we were having a girl. The ultrasound tech moved on to Baby B and when she announced it was a boy. . . .wow, a boy and a girl. It was perfect. I had never felt so blessed in my life. All of the pain, disapointments month after month, shots, doctor visits. . .it was all worth it. At that time, I had no idea of the pain and heartbreak that was to come. I had only experienced the tip of the iceberg.

I go back to that day and wonder why they didn't see any red flags. How could they think everything was fine when I gave birth 3 short weeks later? If I had simply uttered, "Check my cervix," would that have changed anything? I just didn't know. . .I didn't know. I trusted them to know what to check for. If they had learned of my impending premature labor, I realize that I still probably wouldn't have made it close to term. But, if I could have made it a few more weeks or even days. . .maybe Logan would still be here. I feel like I'm always looking for somewhere to place the blame and in the end it falls back on me. I'm the mom and needed to take care of my babies. I feel like I need to know more about everything because apparently you can't place your trust in other people. That's a huge weight for my shoulders. . .no wonder I'm always tired.

As time goes on, I don't expect to have my two babies with me. We no longer have the two cribs or the double stroller. Logan's clothes are packed away with the clothes that Olivia has outgrown. For the longest time, we still referred to Olivia as "them or they."

"Are you ready to go up to the hospital to see them?"

"Have you called to learn how they are doing?"

"When they come home. . ."

We rarely do that anymore, but there are still moments. For instance, I had purchased blue hangers for Logan's side of the closet and pink hangers for Olivia's side. Now, the blue and the pink are intermingled in the closet. Sometimes when I'm hanging up Olivia's clothes, there are those moments when I grab a blue hanger. I realize there will always be those moments in our lives. I don't think things like that ever go away. I'll always miss Logan and wonder what it would be like to raise my twins together. I'll always go back to these anniversaries and wonder. . . . what if.

Friday, August 8, 2008 - Update

This is mommy's new favorite outfit. She went on and on about how cute I looked in it.
She does that a lot though. I'm kind of used to it.

Remember my mom's friend, Stacie? Well, today we are going over to meet Stacie's mom and sister.

I'm pretty excited!

Here I am with Stacie. She's so nice.

And here I am with Stacie's mom. (Hmm. . . I thought I heard Stacie's mom say that she didn't want her picture on the blog. Mommy, you have some explaining to do.)

Here's another kitty! They had one at their house too!

Stacie's sister, Trista, helped me with some strength training. Whew, it was hard work.

I came home and crashed from all of the socializing (and jumping.) It was a great day.