Monday, September 29, 2008 - Update

Do we have any comments?
Don't you think I'm a little too old for my bouncy seat?

Seriously, mom, I think I am.

Ryan and I were able to spend some time together yesterday. . .just the two of us. My parents came over to watch Olivia and we went out to lunch and to the cemetery together. I think the anticipation of the day was about as bad as the day itself. I hate to think of what I was doing a year ago today. I don't think we got home from the hospital until 2 or 3 am and then I sat downstairs crying until morning. I was rocking and listening to old cds. . .that is when I heard "Fly" from Celine Dion. I had heard it a thousand times as a teenager, but it wasn't until that moment that I truly understood the words. Then, we had to meet at the mortuary and we were so thankful that our parents went with us. It was completely and utterly awful. That weekend we put together the slideshow (posted yesterday) and it was shown at Logan's funeral. It was very difficult to put together, but it was somewhat healing to look back at all of his pictures.

Even then, Olivia brought a smile to our faces. I remember going up to the hospital. . in the middle of planning Logan's funeral. . .and Olivia would make us laugh. We felt such a sense of peace when we were with her. We never wanted to leave. . .we wanted her home with us always. I'm so thankful to wake up every morning and see her smiling face. She still brings us that overwhelming sense of peace.

Logan William Glunt

We love you, Logan, and we'll never forget you.

Logan William Glunt

August 27, 2007 - September 28, 2007

I am my mom and dad's bright ray of sunshine!

I didn't know how difficult today would be. I thought it would be just like any day for the past year that we have been without our son. I never realized how much we try to push the thoughts of Logan to the back of our minds. Today, Logan was at the forefront and that was hard. I recounted my last day with Logan six months ago, here (scroll down to March 27th.) Given the amount of tears that I shed the first time I wrote it. . .I shouldn't attempt it again. His absence not only greatly affects our life, but Olivia's as well. . .she just doesn't know that yet. I cry because someday she will learn and understand that she had a twin brother and she will cry. Hopefully, she will always know how much she means to us. She somehow manages to get us through each and every day with a smile on our faces. Thank you for all of your thoughts, prayers, cards and gifts. We treasure every one of them.

Friday, September 26, 2008 - Update

I'm ready for the zoo!

Waving at the bears.

The girls

Between a rock and a hard place.

Look! It's daddy!

Today, we spent the morning at the zoo with Grandma, Shelley and Izzy. It was a beautiful day. It was so fun to watch Izzy interacting with the animals. Olivia isn't quite aware of them yet, but she was very content to stroll around in her stroller. Thanks, Shelley, for the cereal bar. . .and the sunscreen. . .boy, I just don't come too prepared. We had a great time.

It is also a very special day today. . .my parents are celebrating their 38th anniversary. Hmmm. . .Ryan and I only have 33 more years to go to match that. Happy Anniversary!

Thursday, September 25, 2008 - Update

Are you sure this present is for me?
Kerry got me my very own stepstool!

It also works as a little table.

I love when Kerry comes to visit!

We were so glad to have Kerry come visit us today. I hope we didn't bore her to death. I tried on of those 5 hour energy drinks. . .I don't think they work too well. I only drank half because 1)they are expensive and 2) it said to drink half for moderate energy and that seemed sufficient for me. When the afternoon rolled around, I was dragging and probably bored poor Kerry to death. Olivia was less than energetic today as well. I promise next time we'll have a little more pep.

Wednesday, September 24, 2008 - Update

Mmmm. . .
I love my biter bisuits!

We have been working really hard on self-feeding. I'm so proud of her progress. She still struggles with small items like Cheerios and Puffs, but she's getting the hang of larger items. Sometimes when she gets food into her mouth, she doesn't quite understand how to "release" it. I never thought about what a milestone it is for babies to feed themselves. We are still struggling quite a bit with the sippy cup. I wish that was going better since she doesn't want her bottle all that much anymore. Her bottle amounts have drastically decreased lately and I can tell since she's barely gained a pound in two months. Olivia continues to weigh right around 16 lbs. She would much rather eat baby food, which doesn't have as many calories as formula. I wouldn't mind so much if she would drink something from her sippy cup. I am thrilled that she enjoys food so much. Lately, she has loved her macaroni and cheese. She also likes when I cut her up a few pieces of pasta. We even made up a song about it.

(To the tune of the Oscar Mayer song.)

My macaroni has a first name

It's M-A-C-A-R

My macaroni has a second name

It's O-N-I and cheese.

Oh, how I love macaroni

Mama, can I have more please?

Yeah, so I don't get out much. . .

Tuesday, September 23, 2008 - Update

Oh, how I wish I could snuggle Olivia

Olivia loves her cousin, Rebekah.

I wanted to thank Laura and Rebekah for watching Olivia yesterday. When they showed up at the door, Rebekah proclaimed that she was, "reporting for duty." What a great cousin and a wonderful babysitter. It's amazing how much the kids understand about the importance of keeping Olivia healthy, washing their hands and not getting too close. Olivia really enjoyed her time with them yesterday. I appreciated the help as I deal with our aging pet population. I tell ya, it's starting to feel like an animal nursing home around here.

Morgan

Morgan loved her hay.

Morgan's Christmas picture (yes, I used to take pictures of them on each holiday.)

I can't believe that I'm now down to 4 guinea pigs and 1 rat. I took my guinea pig, Morgan, into the vet today. She is the one that had some sort of stroke. After visiting with the vet, I learned that she had gone completely blind in both eyes and her right side was paralyzed. This could have been caused by a stroke or some type of brain infection. . .both of which have no cure. So, I had to decide whether to watch her continue to struggle moving, eating and drinking or to have her put to sleep. Sadly, she was put to sleep today.

I'm ashamed to say that out of all my pets, I was the least close to Morgan. When guinea pigs are young, they are very skittish. After awhile, they begin to trust you, appreciate and welcome your company. Morgan always remained skittish and anxious. . .it lessened a bit over the years, but almost 6 years later, she was still like that. But, that was okay. Morgan taught me that guinea pigs, much like people, are not all the same and need to be respected for their differences. You can't always fit a square peg in a round hole. Morgan was not a "cuddle" or "lap" pig, but she was very sweet. I never tried to force her to be something that she wasn't. She wanted you to give her treats and hay and leave her alone with her guinea pig friends. She wasn't happy unless she was completely buried in hay.

Because she was never fond of being held, I didn't hold her while they sedated her. I said my good-byes and I told her to say hello to Exodia, Odin, Kirsten, Bailey, Lucy and all of my pets who have gone before her. We will miss her very much.

Monday, September 22, 2008 - Update

I can't believe that this week marks the last week that I was able to spend with Logan. . .just one year ago. There has been a part of me over the last 12 months that has wanted to crawl into a hole and not come out. There has been another part of me, a bigger part, I guess, that could never shake my commitment to my husband. . .for better or worse. I think this was the "worse" part that they were talking about. I interpret that commitment to be not only physically, but mentally and emotionally as well. He has needed me as much as I have needed him. And then. . .there was Olivia. If God would allow her to stay here with me, I would be the best mother that I could possibly be. That was not a mother in a dark hole somewhere. So, I fought and fought and fought and no matter how much I missed Logan and mourned for him, I had to take care of his sister. Olivia deserves that and so much more. Here we are almost a year later. I still fight the urge to give up and surrender to that overwhelming sense of loss, but I realize that the sadness will never win. I see too much joy in my daughter's eyes, in her smile, in her laugh, in her love for life. She continues to pull Ryan and I through and remains to be the strongest person I've ever met. Thank you, Olivia, for being the most amazing person in the world.

Sunday, September 21, 2008 - Update

If only I could ride a. . .
Pony!!

I tried to let Ryan have a few hours of alone time today by going over to my parents with Olivia. It didn't quite work out as planned. First, Ryan was upset to hear that we were leaving. (And, his alone time was spent mowing the lawn.) Then, Olivia's powdered formula got wet so I didn't have a bottle for her which forced us to come home early. So much for my plan. . .I was even going to sneak in a nap while I was there. Olivia hadn't been able to see her grandparents for awhile, so it was nice while it lasted. She has even started doing this "shy act" around anybody that is not daddy or me. We also believe that dada is the word she uses for either one of us because this morning, she looked right at me, smiled and said, "dada!"

Happy Birthday Grandpa Glunt

Grandpa as a baby (Did you know he used to be a baby?)

Grandpa and his mommy

Grandpa and HIS grandpa

This is a picture of his one room schoolhouse.

Here he is holding me as a baby (I'm a big girl, now.)

Happy Birthday Grandpa!

Saturday, September 20, 2008 - Update

Ryan, Olivia and I went shopping today. Yesterday, I found that I had quite a bit of money remaining on various gift cards. . .some from quite awhile ago. Since they start deducting after so long, I thought I should go spend them. I bought Olivia the most adorable winter coat. And, I had to pick up the second book in my Twilight saga. Not too much going on here. I've had an awful headache and sore throat today. . .pretty sure it's allergies and this lovely time of year. I don't have any pictures to share today. . .I have been too engrossed in my book. You all are going to start resenting those books. . .they've been taking away a lot of my blogging time.

Friday, September 19, 2008 - Update

I was in to see the doctor yesterday and it seems we might have narrowed in on the reason for my fatigue. I won't go into it until we get more definitive testing. . .which could be in about a month. Please pray that a cause is found and that I can begin feeling better. I can't really describe how bad it is. . .I wake up every morning more tired than I was the night before. I sleep and sleep and I still wake up completely unrefreshed. This condition, if indeed it is the cause, is treatable. So, it would be like me. . .but, with energy. Imagine the possibilities!

I have started reading a really good book that Casey got me started on. It's called Twilight by Stephanie Meyer. It's basically a love story between a young girl and a young man who is a. . .gulp. . .vampire. It is surprisingly a really good book and Olivia gets to hear a chapter of it every morning. It has been a long time since I have found a new author that I enjoy, so I'm quite excited. Plus, there are three other books in the series.

Olivia has started reaching out and grabbing onto my arm lately, which is something that she hasn't done. It's quite endearing. She also has to have a drink of whatever I'm drinking. I give her sips of water and she thinks it is the best thing in the world. Her tooth is still bothering her a bit, but she seems to be doing a lot better. Last night she also started scooting herself in her crib like she was trying to crawl. Of course, Ryan had to work until almost 10 pm and was disappointed that he missed it. Olivia just continues to amaze me each and every day.

Thursday, September 18, 2008 - Update

Ooooh, this is soft.
Thanks for my blanket, mommy!

Just hangin out with my penguin buddy.

It's becoming increasingly difficult to answer questions from people who don't know us very well. "How many children do you have?" "How old is your daughter?" I've also learned that I can't talk about "when I had a baby." I didn't have a baby, I had two babies and leaving out that bit of information feels like I'm leaving out Logan. But, to mention him. . .I would have to delve into issues that I'd rather not discuss sometimes. I've found that I can't even partake in idle chitchat anymore.

Last night, while we were checking out at Dillon's, the cashier just wouldn't quit asking me questions. I knew the question was coming. . .how old is your daughter? After saying that she was a year old, he came out and said that she was tiny for a one year old. At least, he said it out loud instead of giving me those long, awkward stares. However, when I try to explain how premature she was, people don't have any idea what that means. So, then I just get blank, dumbfounded stares. I can't say that I would have fully understood a few years ago, so I can't fault people for that. It just makes for some awkward moments and makes me feel that much more out of place in this world. Sometimes I just don't know what to say.

What if. . .

What if. . . .Ryan and I had grown up in our parents' generation. . .

(Yes, that's really me.)

(Did they have goatees back then?)

And if Olivia had grown up in ours:


I first saw this on Lincoln's blog and had too much fun with it! Try it yourself at:

http://www.yearbookyourself.com/

Wednesday, September 17, 2008 - Update

Bachelor #1: Titus

Future in chiropractic care, mesmerizing blue eyes, good family, cute as can be.

Bachelor #2: Kerrick

Proud March for Babies supporter, true gentleman, good family, cute as can be.

Weighing her options

Yesterday, I had the chance to have dinner with friends. The four of us have met for dinner about every month since 2000. I also managed to squeeze in an appointment with the chiropractor. I enjoyed seeing Titus and Kerrick. . .they are both getting so big. I can't wait until Olivia can have playdates with them.

I have been craving iced tea lately, so Olivia and I made a trip to McAlisters. I'm not a huge fan of their food, but their iced tea (unsweetened, thank you) is absolutely delicious. So, I bought a whole gallon of it. Thanks, Olivia, for being so patient while we ran our errands today.

Happy Birthday Rebekah!

Rebekah is sort of the caboose on the family birthday train and her birthday is tomorrow. We have 5 birthdays. . .spaced exactly one week apart: Izzy, Olivia, Aidan, Kris and Rebekah. Rebekah is the cousin that Olivia probably looks the most like. I remember holding Rebekah on a blanket in her front yard shortly after she was born. Unlike her sister, Julia, she was a little more hesitant about me. We bonded when she was between 1-2 years old because of my cell phone. I went over to Ryan's parents' house once a week for dinner and Rebekah was over there. My cell phone would play music and she would dance to it. Everytime I came over, she would look for my cell phone and sit on my lap while I let her play with it. We've been close ever since. . except now instead of playing with my cell phone, she would rather play with my Barbies and my My Little Ponies (and feed the guinea pigs.) She started kindergarten this year and is one of the sweetest girls I know! She started the prayer beads for Olivia and Logan shortly after they were born. She's always doing extremely thoughtful deeds and we love her dearly. Happy Birthday, Rebekah!!

Tuesday, September 16, 2008 - Update

My first jean jacket (Thanks Kate!)

Olivia has certainly developed her own opinions lately. For instance, her most recent wild and crazy idea is that she no longer needs to drink her bottle or eat any baby food for that matter. I believe it's due to tooth #2, but it is becoming increasingly frustrating. She's also become a hair puller, diaper dodger, lap squirmer and during bath time. . .a mommy soaker. Honestly, I'm thrilled to see her progressing in these ways. . .except for the bottles. I still worry about her caloric intake as she's barely gained a pound in a month and a half. Let's hope this tooth wiggles its way in and doesn't cause anymore problems (if indeed that's what it is.)

Monday, September 15, 2008 - Update

Here I am ready to go!

Me and my gorilla friends

Mr. Gorilla

Our trip is never complete without checking on Olivia the giraffe!

Today, we had a mommy-daughter day at the zoo. The weather was gorgeous and there weren't many people there. Our main focus was the gorillas as Olivia has never seen them before. The path in the gorilla forest is pretty bumpy and Olivia found the stroller ride extremely hilarious. The gorillas were incredibly active today. One of them threw a barrel into the glass at a little boy across from us. I'm kinda glad he didn't do that to Olivia because she might never have wanted to go back and see them. The highlight of the trip, however, was because of another little boy. Of course, Olivia always wears her sunglasses outside and I guess most people think sunglasses on a baby are a hoot. We got many smiles and laughs. Then, this little boy walked up to me and said, "Awesome baby!" I'm sure he was referring to her sunglasses. I thanked him and then almost started crying. You know, I thought, she is pretty awesome!

I'm also happy to report that my dad starts his new job on Wednesday. He'll be doing what he loves the most. . .painting cars. I have to say. . .Olivia and I will miss seeing grandpa on a regular basis, but we were thrilled with the news. Good luck, grandpa!

Sunday, September 14, 2008 - Update

Name that caption?

(1) Who knew I had all these toys

(2) Mom, I have a great idea!

Name that caption

(1) Now that I can see to play with all this stuff, I am exhausted! - Cristi

(2) Let's play hide-n-seek. You hide first! - Kerry

As much as I hate to say it, it seems that Olivia's eyes have started crossing a bit lately. I know that a little crossing is expected, but we were so optimistic about never having to deal with it again. I think she has a 30% chance of another surgery at some point, but then again, I don't pay too much attention to percentages. Please continue to pray for her eyes.

I don't know why I'm dreading the upcoming RSV season so much. I mean, we made it through last year, surely we can do it again. The more I think about it, last year we spent 105 days at the hospital, so just the fact that we could be with Olivia at home was more than we could ask for. I was thrilled not to have to go anywhere. Plus, Ryan's previous job allowed him to work from home when needed. This year, Olivia wants to do more things so it will be harder to keep her isolated. I just keep telling myself that this should be the last crucial season that we have to worry about. And, it's only mid-September, so we still have a little bit of time before we turn back into a family of hibernating bears.