More Adorable Pics

That's okay, Spotty. . .my mom says that we all move at our own pace.

Nice skunky.

Bath. . .B-A-T-H. Water, soap? Ringing any bells?

So, you're saying that I have a shadow too?

Pat-A-Cake Pat-A-Cake

Olivia and Her Silly Friends

Good friends and a good story. . .could life be any better?

You are one adorable turtle!

When I get stinky, my mom and dad give me a bath. Do you get baths, Jimmy?

You're so nice and cuddly

Friday, February 8, 2008 - Update

Mom and dad finally figured out how I like my baths so now they are a little more enjoyable.

Well, I'm still pumping. . .I know. . .you are probably wondering why since she is on Similac Isomil formula. One reason is because I am somehow maintaining my supply by only pumping 3-4 times per day. Because of the infrequency of pumping, it isn't too inconvenient. I am also hoping that after we get her off of the phenobarb, we'll find that was causing her discomfort and not something in my milk. Maybe I will be able to add some breastmilk bottles back in. Also when we start her on cereal, I will be able to mix it with milk instead of water to add more calories for her. The last reason. . . .many people probably won't understand. You see, my body seems to fail me time and time again. Not only did it not know how to get pregnant, but it couldn't stay pregnant. It does, however, know how to produce milk and that is just astonishing to me. My pregnancy isn't the first time that I've realized if there is some rare disease or condition that afflicts less than 1% of the population. . .it will probably happen to me. For example, when I was 15 years old I was hospitalized for Superior Mesenteric Artery Syndrome. Have you ever heard of that? Yeah, me neither. . .I think they just kind of made it up on my behalf. I had a really rough year that year and within a month's time, I was held at gunpoint and lost a dear friend of mine in a car accident. We later had to testify over the robbery and it was just more stress than my 15 year old self could endure. I started having a lot of stomach problems and started vomiting and literally couldn't stop. Then, as a senior in high school I was diagnosed as having a tumor on my pituitary gland. Sounds threatening, but it really isn't. I remember sitting in the waiting room of the Center for Reproductive Medicine with my mother (which is where you go for endocrine disorders) with an eerie feeling that I would be back someday. Of course, they told me it wouldn't affect my ability to get pregnant and it didn't. . .PCOS did. And, I can't forget my trip to the ER in 2006 with a ruptured ovarian cyst. That was none too pleasant. I am really very healthy in the traditional sense. . .I just have really odd things wrong with me. I guess I should have told my OB to stop checking all of the normal things during my pregnancy and instead look for the abnormal. Then, maybe they could have determined that I would give birth at 23 weeks. Wow. . .I rattled on for way too long. I just remain in awe that my body does something that it's meant to do for once (and it doesn't hurt that it's good for Olivia too.)

March of Dimes Update

Well, we have raised $360 so far for March of Dimes. I did receive some brochures and if anyone would like some, please let me know. Also, each individual walker that raises $150 receives a 2008 March of Dimes t-shirt. There is a list of other incentives in the brochure and additional information can be found at www.marchofdimes.com/Kansas.

I was happy to see that Jacob "The Fighter" is the 2008 Local Ambassador. He is a Wesley NICU grad and I've had a chance to visit briefly by email with his mother. I hope that on April 26th, I will be able to meet a lot of other micro-preemie parents. Please be sure to find us and introduce yourself. Thanks again to everyone for your support!

Thursday, February 7, 2008 - Update

Do you see something wrong with this picture? Isn't the mama supposed to be in the chair and the child playing on the floor? I sat her in the chair earlier today to spread her blanket on the floor and I looked back and found her like this:

Grinning from ear to ear. All those hours that I spent rocking with her in the chair. . .I thought she was happy to be with mama, but she was just happy to be in the chair. She didn't even want me in the chair with her.

Yes!!

The chair is mine!

Unfortunately, the chair was out of commission for a bit tonight after the poor thing vomited all over it. It's that phenobarb bottle. . .it causes her stomach to be so upset. I think it's been our number one problem all along. We go in Monday for her EEG in hopes that we can wean her off of it. Every night when it's phenobarb time, she cries and cries and cries. I just don't know what to do. They won't take her off of it, I'm sure, until her EEG comes back normal. The mother of my friend, Shawna, was kind enough to mail Olivia a Happi Tummi. We have it on her right now and it seems to be helping. That phenobarb is just some nasty stuff. . .

Wednesday, February 6, 2008 - Update

Isabelle Sailing, aka Olivia's future best friend
Isn't life great?

Don't let go, daddy!

I spoke to my mother and as of 4 pm, all I know is that my brother was out of surgery at around 1:30 pm and they were waiting on him to wake up. My understanding is that he should be home by this evening. When I know more, I will let you know. Please pray that he recovers quickly. I thought that some pictures of his beautiful daughter on the blog might help speed his recovery.

*I spoke with my brother at about 6pm. He is home (minus his gallbladder) and is doing well. . . . .really sore, but well.

Rainbows came out this morning for Olivia's evaluation. Olivia showed them her whole bag of tricks and even flashed them her award-winning smile. Of course, they fell in love with her just like the rest of us. They said she was doing everything that she is supposed to be doing. They evaluate her as a 6 week old. . .not a 5 month old. Her muscle tone is good, she is tracking objects with her eyes and has great head control. They loved her double chin and chunky legs (well, chunky for a preemie.)They are qualifying her for services which means we will have access to a physical therapist, speech pathologist, dietician, etc. Because my degree is in elementary education, I fully understand the necessity of early intervention. . .for any child. I'm glad that we will have these for Olivia. At age 3, they will refer her to the Goddard school system. Overall, it was a very good visit.

Tuesday, February 5, 2008 - Update

You're a cute little otter. . .would you be my friend?

I guess if I can't be held by mom all day, this is a close second.

Well, I don't want to brag, but my mom says I'm pretty amazing!

It seems I have unintentially taught Olivia that she has to be held all of the time. She lasts about 5-10 minutes in her bouncy seat, swing, crib or boppy until she realizes that she's not being held. I am trying to learn that it's okay for her to cry a bit and not rush in her room and grab her at the slightest whimper. So, when she cries. . .I am trying to evaluate what she needs to see if she truly needs me to hold her. It's very difficult because I want her to know that I'm always here, but I also want her to gain confidence in herself.

I have also started doing some sign language with Olivia. My two best friends growing up are hearing impaired, so I had the opportunity to learn it at a young age. Of course, I have a lot of freshening up to do, but Olivia seems very intrigued by it.

Please keep my brother in your prayers as he goes in tomorrow for surgery to have his gallbladder removed. Rainbows is also coming tomorrow morning for Olivia's evaluation. Hopefully, she'll show them all that she can do.

Monday, February 4, 2008 - Update

I am finally starting to be able to look back on my ultrasound pictures. For the longest time it was too difficult to do. . .okay, it's still difficult to do, but this is what triplets look like at 6 weeks. We heard all three of their heartbeats. Olivia and Logan were A and C (although we lost track of who was who.) I get great comfort in knowing that all five of us will be together again some day.

Anyway, I think my decision to postpone the shower was the correct one as I've received a lot of emails from family and friends who said they would probably not be able to attend due to illnesses. I am looking forward to the day that we can reschedule. Beautiful, warm days like today make me yearn even more for springtime. Of course, we had to go for a walk and enjoy the 65 degree weather.

I know how it would be easy to think that we are being over-protective, but we really aren't. The older Olivia gets, the more her lungs will be healed and better able to handle an illness. Now, April is not the magical time when this will happen, but the illnesses that would be most detrimental to her health will subside with the winter season. It will not, however, be a germ-filled free-for-all come spring. She will be able to spend more time outside the protection of the home with family and friends. Ideally, she needs to be protected up until two years of age and will receive her Synagis shot each winter season. Now, before Ryan and I became parents, we always believed that you should let your child get sick to build up their immune system and for most full-term infants this is probably true. Our situation, however, is different. Olivia did not receive any of the third trimester antibodies from the placenta (which is another reason why my breast milk was so important.) I know many of you are learning about prematurity right along with us. The fact that many of you have tried to learn as much about prematurity as you can has taught me the true meaning of love and friendship.

My Shower Has Been Postponed

We have unfortunately made the decision to postpone the shower until March or April. I'm so sorry for any inconvenience this has caused. There are just too many illnesses going around right now and I don't want to risk getting sick and bringing home something to Olivia. My mother is extremely sick right now and there are only a handful of times I can even remember her being sick (of course, this is after I made her get a flu shot.) My dad felt fine Friday morning and came home at noon from work due to vomiting, etc. Luckily, he was excluded from our house because my mom was sick, so none of us were exposed. I think this was the first birthday in. . . .oh, 30 years that I wasn't able to spend with my parents. I was looking so forward to my shower, but I need to place Olivia's health first and foremost. To do that, I have to remain healthy. Again, I'm so sorry. . .I feel just awful about this. My sincere apologies to Denise and Michelle for any trouble this causes. If anyone has any questions or concerns, please email me or Denise at omlicrew@sbcglobal.net.

Sunday, February 3, 2008 - Update

Olivia and her first Cabbage Patch Doll perfectly named Callie Logan.

Olivia and her sock monkey

Sorry that my previous post was so depressing. It was late at night and I just heard on the news that the little baby at Wesley Medical Center died. From what I understand, the baby was hospitalized due to RSV and sustained injuries to his skull from his own mother. I don't understand how someone like that is blessed with a baby and my Logan was taken from me. I do have a strong faith, but that doesn't mean I don't question God sometimes. I think we must trust God's will, but at the same time. . .we are allowed to ask why.

Olivia is doing very well. We've finally figured out a bathtime routine that doesn't bring her to tears. First, the bath water has to be the perfect temperature, then I wash her while Ryan holds her head. Next, Ryan wraps her in a towel while I wash her hair. It seems to work pretty well. We have found that Olivia's phenobarb bottle and/or the bottle after that are the worst ones. We think that she has problems with the phenobarb. She goes in for another EEG on Feb 11th, so if it's normal, we can hopefully start getting her off of it. That's going to be a stressful day as her last EEG was pretty traumatic for her. We are supposed to not let her eat for 4 hours prior and they will determine whether to sedate her or feed her and let her go to sleep for the EEG. Any advice on babies and EEGs would be very appreciated.

Rainbows comes for their first formal assessment on Wed. Feb 6th. Please pray that she is doing everything developmentally as she should. Please also pray for my brother on that day. He was found to have multiple gallstones and is going to have his gallbladder removed on Feb. 6th as well.

I would also like to ask prayers for little Trinity. Trinity and Tripp are 23 week twins born at Wesley a month after Olivia and Logan. Tripp has been home for about a month, but Trinity is struggling with her bottling. She has surgery tomorrow to allow her to eat better. Also, be sure to visit Kaitlyn and Corinne's blog for some exciting news. As always, thanks for all of your prayers.

Saturday, February 2, 2008 - Update

Lately I have found myself full of such frustration and anger. It's sometimes over a news story about another child killed at the hands of their parents or somebody's opinion about the gestational age at which a child should be saved. I also read about a "breakthrough" study that suggested premature birth could be prevented by taking folic acid. Maybe it can prevent some, but I took folic acid every day for years before I ever got pregnant and I'm still taking it today. I also get frustrated wondering if I should have described my symptoms better. Are cervical lengths routinely measured during an ultrasound? If not, should they be? What I've realized is that. . .I have to let it go. Nobody predicted my premature delivery because it happens in less than 1% of the population. I can't let all of these emotions build up inside of me. All I need to do is love and take care of my daughter that God so graciously let me keep. Sometimes I still see her lying so fragile and bruised in her isolette. That was such a difficult time. You know how all of us would do anything to save those that we love? Throughout all of this, I've learned that sometimes that isn't enough. I would have done anything to save Logan and yet all I could do was stand there and watch him. It didn't matter that I wanted my son more than anything in the world or that I tried so hard for him. Not everyone who is sick gets better. That realization is so unsettling to me and one of the reasons that Ryan and I protect Olivia so much. I refuse to see her lying in a hospital bed again. I know that over time these feelings of anger and frustration will lessen, but they sure have been taking a toll on me lately.

Saturday, February 2, 2008 - Happy Whistle Pig's Day

Mama, keep your finger right here!

Hangin out with dad

Just chillin with mom

Yes, a groundhog is also known as a woodchuck and a whistle pig. . .the latter being our favorite. Olivia spent all night and all morning with dad while I slept and slept and slept. It was wonderful! I think I got a total of 11 hours of sleep and Olivia and I still took our afternoon nap. I guess you turn 30 and your body wears out.

March of Dimes Update

Well, it's Friday and time for our update. We have the following people signed up for the walk:

Carol, Shawna, Laura (Julia and Rebekah), Lorna, Marilee, Gina (and Savannah), Kelley and Kerry.

So far we've raised $260 and Kerry is leading the way with $100 raised. Many of you have even met your goals. Great job! Thanks again for all of your support!

Happy Birthday Jodi!

Happy Birthday? It looks more like Hippy Birthday.

This is Jodi's husband, Ryan. I wanted to post this to wish my wife the best 30th birthday that she can have. After all that she has been through, she deserves it. Jodi always wanted to have her two children by the time she was 30. She got her birthday wish, although Logan has already come and gone before us to heaven. While we miss Logan terribly, I know that Olivia is the best birthday present for which my wife could have hoped. I am thrilled that we will be able to spend the day today as a family. Please join me in wishing my wife all the happiness and joy that she can have on this special day.

Thanks honey. . .and thanks to all of you for your birthday wishes. They mean a lot to me. My husband was mistaken, however, because I am only 23 years old. :-) I also got flowers and a gift basket from my friend/previous boss, Pam. My sister-in-law, Laura, and niece, Rebekah, brought me some cookies. My friend, Kerry, is in talks with the zoo to arrange a private meet and greet with Olivia the giraffe. For those who "tuned in" later, you'll have to go back and read Sept 26th's post to understand our fascination with giraffes. It's been a great day. In addition to my iPod, Ryan also got me a beautiful bracelet, Olive Garden for lunch and one of those massaging shower heads. He's also letting me sleep all night tonight and all morning tomorrow. But, the greatest gift that he's given me is his love for me and his daughter.

Olivia greeted me this morning at 5 am with some of the biggest grins that I have ever seen. She's continued to be an angel all day and that's even after going to the doctor to get her Synagis shot. She now weighs 8 lbs 6 oz and is in the 90th percentile on the preemie growth chart. I'm so proud of her. She's the best birthday present in the world!

Wednesday, January 30, 2008 - Update

Super baby to the rescue!

Take time to smile everyday

Today Ryan let me open one of my birthday presents early. My birthday is Friday. . .unfortunately it's the big 3-0. Ryan took off work on Friday and the three of us our going to have as much fun as three people can have within the confines of your own house. Ryan got me an ipod so that I can (get this) hold Olivia in her room while rocking and listening to music. It will also come in handy this spring when Olivia and I go on our long walks. Ryan always makes my birthdays special. . ..two years ago I got a car! In three more years it will be all mine.

I called Olivia's pediatrician's office to make sure her Synagis shot was there for tomorrow. Good thing I called because our insurance company hadn't mailed it yet. It is supposed to be mailed tomorrow and we rescheduled for Friday, which is fine because that will be 29 days since her last shot. It may be a blessing because it's supposed to do the whole snowing,blowing, drifting thing tomorrow.

Olivia has become quite the bossy boss and her feisty personality still shines through. When we take our afternoon naps, we position ourselves just so and I can't stray from that position. The other day, she wanted her head right on my neck and got irritated should I want to swallow. She won't hardly let us give her the Poly-Vi-Sol or Nystatin anymore and she's learned how to spit it right back out. Today, however, she has been a sleepyhead. She barely stays awake long enough to eat before she's back to sleep again. Hopefully, she'll wake up to play a bit tonight.

Tuesday, January 29, 2008 - Update

Olivia continues to thrive and is doing very well. Her sleeping/feeding schedule is beginning to become a little more reliable and allows us to better anticipate what she wants. She has a pediatrician appt on Thursday for her next Synagis shot and I'm anxious to find out her new weight.

I did want to take a moment to tell you all what a great mother I have. My poor mom has been unable to see Olivia for almost a month. She has been around others who have been sick and now she is sick herself. Olivia has remained so well because of her vigilance and caution and those of our family and friends. Many of you may not understand exactly why it is so important to keep her healthy. By all outward appearances, she seems like a healthy, normal newborn. But, after being on the ventilator for 2 months. . .her lungs are very scarred. Any illness, especially one that attacks the respiratory system like RSV, would be very hard on her. She just doesn't have the lung reserves that full term babies have. Plus, after spending 105 days in the hospital, I promised her that we wouldn't spend another night away from each other for a long time. So, you'll never see Ryan and I without Purell with us at all times. I just ask for everyone's continued patience and dedication with helping Olivia remain healthy.

Upcoming Shower

My wonderful neighbors are throwing me a shower and we would like to extend the invitation to all of you devoted blog readers. I have appreciated all of your support throughout the past 5 months. For those who attended my previous shower, don't feel that you have to come and bring another gift. It would just be nice to sit down and chat with friends and family that I haven't seen for awhile. The only criteria I ask is that you are healthy. I don't want to risk bringing home something to Olivia. As you may have guessed, Olivia will not be attending the shower with me. . .you'll have to wait until April for her big debut!

It's A Baby Shower
Sunday, February 10, 2008 from 2 pm - 4 pm

If you would like to attend, please contact Denise at omlicrew@sbcglobal.net. She will give you additional details, location, etc.

Thanks again to Denise and Michelle for throwing the shower. We are truly blessed to live in such a wonderful neighborhood. I grew up with the best neighbors imaginable and I have very fond memories of my childhood because of it. The Sailings, Dillons and Teschkes were all one big family. My two best friends (Tamar and Tiffany) lived two houses down. Tamar and Tiffany are twins, but I think we could have been triplets because we did everything together. I remember summer nights playing outside while our parents sat out and talked in lawn chairs. I was truly blessed and I hope Olivia's childhood is just as special.

Monday, January 28, 2008 - Remembering Logan

My sweet Logan William

It was four months ago today that I lost my sweet Logan and experienced what became the worst day of my life. The day of their birth was a close second which leaves me wondering how to fill out Olivia's baby book. There is a page dedicated to telling her about how wonderful the day of her birth was. I know that not many of you were able to meet Logan, but he was such a sweet, adorable little boy.

I came across a website the other day on prematurity that really frustrated me. It made it sound as if prematurity is caused by something that the mother did. The list of risk factors for prematurity included: low income, uneducated mothers with no prenatal care and poor nutrition. If those are the risk factors that doctors and nurses go by, no wonder my symptoms weren't taken seriously. I hope that the March of Dimes continues to do more to spread awareness than by just restating the obvious. I have met many people, like myself, who tried to do everything right. I had what could be considered 'prenatal care' for two and a half years. I saw ultrasound pictures of the follicles that contained the eggs that would later become my children. I was on prenatal vitamins for two and a half years and Ryan and I had every test imaginable done. . .and I still gave birth prematurely. It can happen to anyone.

I debated about whether to post Logan's marker pictures, but I decided to do so because this blog is dedicated to Olivia and Logan. This is my reality and my experiences on a daily basis. If I live to be 90 years old, I will still visit his gravesite and remember that I had an amazing son.

Sunday, January 27, 2008 - Pictures

I think we should change the song to 'Olivia Had a Little Lamb.'

I am finally big enough for my Baby Bjorn carrier and went for a walk today with mom and dad. I fell fast asleep.

A Plugged Duct and Hiccups

What do these two things have in common? They are what kept me up all night. I put Olivia down and was thrilled to be able to crawl into bed before midnight. I'm having problems with plugged milk ducts since I've been trying to stop pumping. It got pretty painful last night and by 2 am I was almost asleep when Olivia's alarm went off. Her lead came off of her foot. She was fast asleep, but I woke her up trying to put the lead back on. Since she woke up, I went ahead and fed her. She was an angel and went right back to sleep. I then had to pump for 30 minutes to get some relief. I felt better. . .Olivia was asleep. . .and it was almost 4 am when I crawled back into bed only to get the hiccups. Ryan is one of those people who can hold their breath and get rid of them instantly. That has never worked with me. I could tell that I was keeping him awake with a hic. . . .hic. . .hic. . .every few seconds, so I got up and searched the Internet for ways to get rid of hiccups. I read a lot of interesting things and I finally found a cure. . .swallow a teaspoonful of sugar. . .it worked instantly. Studies show that it works for 19 out of 20 people. Finally, by 5 am I could finally go to sleep. Now, I'm just exhausted. Not too tired, however, to say Happy 5 month birthday to my precious Olivia!