Saturday, April 12, 2008 - Update

Today was grumpy day at our house. I don't know who was grumpier. . .Ryan or Olivia. I was teetering on the edge of grumpy, so Olivia and I curled up in the recliner and took a nap. . .for 2 hours! We hadn't taken an afternoon nap together in the long time.

Olivia also had her first taste of rice cereal today. At first she was really mad because she was hungry and didn't know why I wasn't giving her a bottle. So, I gave her about half of her bottle and then we tried the cereal again before finishing the bottle. She didn't seem to mind it so much, but I mixed it with her formula so something about it was familiar. Before I know it, she'll probably be stealing my french fries.

The day my dreams came true!

Tomorrow is April 13th. Last year, on April 13th it snowed. How do I remember that? Well, I remember everything about that day. . .it's the day that I found out I was pregnant.

It was a Friday and before work that day, I headed to the doctor's office. They required a pregnancy test each month before starting on the medications again. Usually, I had taken numerous home pregnancy tests beforehand, but not that month. I hadn't taken a single one. I was tired of wasting money on them. I had developed, what they believed, was OHSS (ovarian hyperstimulation syndrome. I was pretty uncomfortable and having a lot of cramping and the only thing they allowed me to take was Tylenol (which did nothing to help.) I was supposed to go in on the 16th, but they wanted me to come in sooner so that if I wasn't pregnant, I could take something to get relief.

Afterwards, I headed into work and my cell phone rang at 10:30 am. Normally, I called in to a messaging system to get my test results a few hours later. When I picked up the phone and it was Dr. Tjaden, I figured he was calling about the OHSS. But, then. . .he matter-of-factly said that my pregnancy level was 297. "My. . .what? I'm pregnant?" I asked. "You are VERY pregnant!" he said. You see, pregnancy tests detect a hormone called HCG (human chorionic gonadotropin.) It takes about 2 weeks for this hormone to be at a detectable level, which for home pregnancy tests, is about 25-50. With mine being so high, my doctor informed me of the chance that not only was I pregnant, but pregnant with multiples. My head was spinning. I immediately called Ryan to tell him the news and then I somehow had to get through the rest of the day at work.

April 13th is also a special day because it is my niece's birthday. Upon arriving home from work, Ryan and I decided to go tell the family. Because it was snowing heavily, we didn't make it to everyone's house that night. Our first stop was Dillons to buy a dozen flowers and we headed over to Joel and Laura's. Laura was in the middle of giving voice lessons, but I gave Julia her flowers with a little card that read," I thought you might like some flowers by the dozen. . .I also thought you'd like to know, you're getting a new cousin." It worked out really well since Joel had her read the card aloud. Laura stopped her voice lesson and everyone was ecstatic. Afterwards, we headed over to my parents'. I gave them a frame with a little poem (of course) that read:

I do not have a face to see
Or put inside a frame.
I do not have soft cheeks to kiss.
I don’t yet have a name.

You can’t yet hold my tiny hands,
Nor whisper in my ear.
It’s still too soon to sing a song
Or cuddle me so near.

But, all will change come December
That’s when they say I’m due.
I’m your new grandchild
And I cannot wait to meet you.

All I ask between now and then
Are your prayers while I grow
And pray for mommy and daddy too
(They tried hard for me, you know.)

I cannot wait until I learn
Of God’s wondrous plan for me
I cannot wait until I become
Part of this family.

Now, I didn't write this poem. . .I found it online and merely altered it to fit our situation. It took awhile for my parents to realize what it meant. What an amazing day that was. . .one of the happiest days of my life and one that I'll always remember.

Friday, April 11, 2008 - Update

We have raised an amazing $1641.00 for March of Dimes. Olivia has her marching shoes on (okay, they're more like dancing shoes, but you get the point.) It's still not too late to put on yours!

My mom came over this afternoon so that I could go run some errands. I had to go to the bank, Target and I needed to go birthday shopping for my niece, Julia. I bought Olivia a new stroller at Target. I had seen this particular Little Lamb one online and didn't think $99.99 was too bad for a stroller. Well, it was on sale for $79.99 and I couldn't pass it up. My parents had given me a stroller that they got when all I had was a double stroller and I wanted to give theirs back to them. Olivia also has an adorable Jeep umbrella stroller, but she's not quite big enough for it.



One thing I haven't shared with all of you is my complete lack of any engineering/problem solving skills. Don't ever ask me to put anything together. I see pieces scattered about and a wave of anxiety comes over me. No matter what it is. . .if it comes in pieces or needs directions. . .I can't do it. I must be missing that part of my brain. I was excited to get her stroller out of the box. . .thinking that maybe it just snapped open. When I saw the wheels come rolling out. . .well, Ryan came to my rescue and put it together for me. Since it was chilly outside, I just pushed Olivia around in the house. We are now officially ready to March for Babies!

Thursday, April 10, 2008 - Update

Today, Olivia had a special visit from Pam. How do I begin to describe who Pam is? Well, I went to high school with her children and her family has always been very dear to me. After high school, I went to work for her throughout college and remained there for over 10+ years. Pam is the one that introduced me to Ryan and has always been there for me. She made it possible for me to get off work at a moment's notice to go to all of my fertility appointments, etc. It's been difficult to see someone almost every day for 10 years and then have months go by without any contact. Pam has always called me her Jodi and I'm sure that Olivia will grow to be her Olivia as well. Pam always has and always will have a very special place in my heart.

Don't click on spam comments

Anytime you see a comment that you are unsure of or that has a link attached, just ignore it. Don't click on it. Actually, you should never be asked to click on anything on the comment page. Stacie and I are working to get rid of these.

Thanks

Ok - I think I have fixed this problem at least for the time being. When you type a comment you will now have to complete a word verification to add your comment to the blog. I hope this will catch most of the problems we are having. I'm not sure why there has been spam recently. If for some reason a spammer gets through I will continue to delete these posts as I have been up to this point. Sorry folks!

Hope this helps! :)

- Stacie

Wednesday, April 9, 2008 - Update

Everyone has heard of the age old question: Is your cup half empty or half full? I find that I ask myself a similar question: Are my arms half empty or half full? My answer varies from day to day. I feel like I've experienced the greatest of joys and the most devastating of losses. . .both at the same time. Many days I don't know how to feel.

Yesterday, I was thinking ahead to Olivia's 1st birthday. I think I'm going to buy her a kitchen with dishes and food (But, don't tell her. . it's a surprise.) I always get so excited to think about all of the things that I get to do for her. I love being the mother of a little girl. But, always. . .at the same time. . I mourn for the things that I don't get to do for Logan. My emotions are always all over the place. . .from happiness to sadness to anger to excitement. I'm a mother of twins. Why couldn't I have kept both of my babies? I try to rely on my trust in God and know that He knows what I need better than I do. It's easy to trust in God when what you want is what you're given, but life doesn't always work out that way. I'll never know why I lost Logan or why I had to give birth at 23 weeks. . .but, I pray every day that just knowing that God knows the answer will be enough for me.

Tuesday, April 8, 2008 - Update

Every kid loves to be pushed around in a laundry basket. My Easter lamb had fun with me.
Just another fun thing I get to do with my dad.

Oh, and most important of all. . .Happy Birthday, Grandma Mary!!!

Monday, April 7, 2008 - Update

Howdy Everyone!
I'm ready for Spring!

Okay, can I take my hat off now?

Last night, I came across this site: An Introduction to Extremely Premature Babies. It may help educate some of you as to how early Olivia was. I also found this part of the article interesting:

An individual baby's chance of surviving may be much different from that 50% overall figure, however. These individual differences are mostly due to four issues:

1. the time into that week (a baby barely 23 weeks is less likely to do well than a baby almost 24 weeks) Olivia was only 23 weeks, 1 day.

2. the baby's gender (girls tend to do better than boys) She is a girl.

3. multiple pregnancy (singletons tend to do better than individual babies from multiple pregnancies) She was from a multiple pregnancy.

4. whether there was time before birth to give the steroid (betamethasone, also called Celestone) shots to the mother (which helps the baby's chance of surviving and avoiding severe brain bleeding) As I've mentioned before, I had absolutely no warning. It was a true blessing that I was at the hospital. There is a reason we are given a mother's instinct.

So, Olivia had only one out of four and look how well she is doing? There is no doubt in my mind that God has big plans for Olivia. . .my daughter, my dream, my miracle.

Sunday, April 6, 2008 - Update

Mommy enjoyed watching Stumpy the squirrel eat out of the birdhouse.

Grandpa and Me

First bottle at grandma and grandpa's

So grandma. . .I was wondering if I could have a big playhouse in your backyard. .where I could keep a pet squirrel?

Today was one for the history books. . .Olivia went on her first excursion outside of the house (that wasn't a doctor's office.) We had lunch over at Grandma and Grandpa Glunt's house. Ryan and I are working on gradually becoming more comfortable taking Olivia outside of our home. I ask that everyone please be patient with us as we take these baby steps. I have to say it was nice to get out and feel more like a normal family.

The video below demonstrates "grandpa talk"

Saturday, April 6, 2008 - Update

Lately I've been particularly down and I'm not quite sure why. This morning I think I realized a few things. All relationships and friendships are built on giving and taking and lately I've felt that I've only been taking. I'll never be able to repay everyone who has been so supportive over the last several months. I'm still not caught up on my thank you notes. Sometimes I barely find it in me just to get through the day. I still struggle from time to time from bouts of depression. For months, I spent every day at the hospital and the past few months in isolation at home. I can't go many places and it's still a little nerve-wracking to have a lot of people over. So, I sit here at my computer and I have no idea how to tell my friends and family how much they mean to me. I don't know how long it will take me to recover from the last 7 months. . .it's been quite exhausting to me physically, mentally and emotionally. I just feel that I'm in a rather hard place. As we near the end of RSV season, I'm not sure how much to expose Olivia to. Where is the line between being careless and being over-protective? I don't want Olivia to be 2 years old with no immunities built up, however, I want to do everything in my power to keep her safe. I don't know where or how to find the answers. Please continue to keep me and my family in your prayers and know that you are all in mine.

Friday, April 4, 2008 - Update

The beginning of a great friendship.

Thumbs are better than pacifiers!

Shelley, Donnie and Izzy came over today to pick up some of my old clothes for their garage sale. I was excited about Olivia and Izzy seeing each other for the first time (although not touching or anything like that.) It didn't go so well. Izzy wasn't too interested in Olivia and Olivia cried the whole time. What a pair! My brother got a picture but, it is such an awful picture of me, I couldn't post it. Shelley later emailed me the above picture and I was glad that one of the pictures turned out cute. We'll try again later. It was good, however, to see them and I enjoyed their visit.

Thursday, April 3, 2008 - Update

Sometimes it's important to be reminded of how far we've come. . .
and of the miracles in our lives.

(These pictures were taken when Olivia was just a few days old.)

Hey, there's my Lil' Kinz!

I am still amazed at the number of people who come by to check on my daughter. We have had over 37,000 visits since Stacie put the sitemeter on in October. Many of you are my close family and friends and many of you I have never met. Sometimes I feel that you have all cried with me and laughed with me even though we're miles apart. Thank you so much for finding the time in your day and the place in your heart for my family.

Wednesday, April 2, 2008 - Update

Did you hear that I am over 11 lbs?
I'm a big girl!

Since there are others dealing with problems such as reflux and vomiting, I thought I would share what seems to work for us. We have seen a slight decrease with the Prevacid and the Enfamil AR, but we finally found something that works for her. It has been suggested many times to feed her smaller meals more frequently. The trick was finding the right amount and frequency. Since she has most of her problems at night, we didn't make any adjustments to her daily routine. She still takes as much as she wants about every 3 hours during the day. After 5 pm, however, we only feed her about 80 ccs (about 2.5 oz) every 1.5 hours. Sorry, we measure her formula intake in ccs or mL. . . .old NICU habit, I guess. So, instead of waiting three hours and trying to feed her 160 ccs only to have her throw up half of it, we feed her 80 ccs, wait an hour and a half and feed her the rest. It works beautifully. Her stomach just can't take that much all at one time . . .even when she seems to want more. She does best when her stomach doesn't get too full or too empty. Plus, we've been able to get her to take 20-21 oz per day this past week. We are supposed to start her on cereal this month. Now that we finally have everything under control, I'm a little hesitant to throw something new into the mix. Keep your fingers crossed.

Tuesday, April 1, 2008 - Update

Whenever we have trouble getting Olivia to sleep, Ryan sits her down and teaches her all about computers. . .

It works every time.

Olivia had a doctor's appt today for her last Synagis shot of the season. She handled it like a pro, as usual, and we're proud to say that her weight is up to 11 lbs 3 oz. This is fantastic considering her problems with vomiting and the fact that she started out at 1 lb 1.5 oz. Speaking of which, she hadn't had a major vomiting episode for over a week. . .until today, but I take full responsibility for that one. I should know better than to give her the Prevacid AFTER her bottle. Anyway, I think we finally found something that works. I want to give her a little more time before I start bragging about it, but the absence of vomiting has made our day to day life much easier.

I was going to do this big April Fools joke on all of you, but it has gotten to be so late in the day I was afraid that some of you wouldn't read it until tomorrow. Oh well. . .maybe next year. . .

Monday, March 31, 2008 - Update

It was on March 31, 2007 that Olivia, Logan and Baby B were conceived by our 8th IUI. I don't remember a whole lot about that day. It was a Saturday so Ryan and I were able to go to the clinic together. Normally, he would go a few hours before me. At least I can say that we were together when they were conceived.

My favorite nurse, Mary, did the procedure. She was telling us about how great her success rate had been lately. Everyone there would laugh because every pregnancy test that came back positive had Mary's name on it. Because it was a Saturday, I didn't have to go back to work. I just went home and stayed in bed the rest of the day. . .and prayed. Finally, my prayers were answered. Well, not exactly. You see, I had heard stories of miscarriages, stillborns and infant loss and I distinctly remember praying that if something like that would happen to me. . .I'd rather not get pregnant at all. I didn't feel I was strong enough to handle something like that. I'm now thankful for unanswered prayers. I went on to miscarry Baby B, give birth 17 weeks too soon and lose my precious Logan. But, if God had chosen to protect me from those losses. . .I wouldn't have my Olivia. Every day I am so thankful for her.

Wait by Russell Kelfer

Wait

by Russell Kelfer

Well worth the wait. . .

Desperately, helplessly, longingly, I cried;
Quietly, patiently, lovingly, God replied.
I pled and I wept for a clue to my fate
. . . And the Master so gently said, "Wait."

"Wait? you say wait?" my indignant reply.
"Lord, I need answers, I need to know why!
Is your hand shortened? Or have you not heard?
By faith I have asked, and I'm claiming your Word.

"My future and all to which I relate
Hangs in the balance, and you tell me to wait?
I'm needing a 'yes', a go-ahead sign,
Or even a 'no' to which I can resign.

"You promised, dear Lord, that if we believe,
We need but to ask, and we shall receive.
And Lord I've been asking, and this is my cry:
I'm weary of asking! I need a reply."

Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fate,
As my Master replied again, "Wait."
So I slumped in my chair, defeated and taut,
And grumbled to God, "So, I'm waiting for what?"

He seemed then to kneel, and His eyes met with mine
. . . and He tenderly said, "I could give you a sign.
I could shake the heavens and darken the sun.
I could raise the dead and cause mountains to run.

"I could give all you seek and pleased you would be.
You'd have what you want, but you wouldn't know Me.
You'd not know the depth of my love for each saint.
You'd not know the power that I give to the faint.

"You'd not learn to see through clouds of despair;
You'd not learn to trust just by knowing I'm there.
You'd not know the joy of resting in Me
When darkness and silence are all you can see.

"You'd never experience the fullness of love
When the peace of My spirit descends like a dove.
You would know that I give, and I save, for a start,
But you'd not know the depth of the beat of My heart.

"The glow of my comfort late into the night,
The faith that I give when you walk without sight.
The depth that's beyond getting just what you ask
From an infinite God who makes what you have last.

"You'd never know, should your pain quickly flee,
What it means that My grace is sufficient for thee.
Yes, your dearest dreams overnight would come true,
But, oh, the loss, if you missed what I'm doing in you.

"So, be silent, my child, and in time you will see
That the greatest of gifts is to truly know me.
And though oft My answers seem terribly late,
My most precious answer of all is still . . . Wait."

My mom reminded me of this poem yesterday. I love this poem. It provided me with a sense of peace when I was waiting for my child. It applies to me now more than ever. I believe it could apply to all of us as we wait for our hearts desires and learn to trust God's timing in place of our own.

Saturday, March 29, 2008 - Update

I feel so refreshed when I wake up from long naps.

Are you going to squirt that medicine in my mouth again?

Aww, mom. . .I just want to stand up. It's my new favorite thing.

I'm ready to march for babies!

Friday, March 28, 2008 - Update

Rainbows was supposed to come earlier in the week, but they had to cancel due to illness. They called and talked to Ryan and rescheduled for Friday. Ryan told me it was this Friday, but he wrote down next Friday on the calendar. Because we were unsure, I woke up and got dressed and ready and. . .it's apparently next Friday that they are coming. What can I say. . .Ryan tried, but. . .if you need to schedule something with us it would probably be best to talk to me.

I was ready, however, when Stacie came over to spend the day with us. We had a really good time and I can't wait for Olivia to get to know her. Stacie always makes me laugh and we even got to watch some of Days of Our Lives together. If there are any other Days watchers out there. . .do you know what happened to Pocket? I must have missed too many episodes.

I also noticed that I haven't given a March of Dimes update in awhile. As a team, we have raised $1,190. I wanted to do something for all of the walkers on our team and I looked into t-shirts, but I couldn't really find a cost-effective way to do it. My sister-in-law, Shelley, is doing something very special for everyone. I figure that this year, I will see what everyone else is doing. I still haven't decided whether Olivia is coming or not. I'd like to know what other micro-preemie moms think? Are you or have you taken your child with you?

Thank you all for thinking of Logan today. I appreciate all of your love and support.

Six months ago. . .

It started out as just a normal day. . .well, as normal as it could be with two babies in the NICU. I can't believe six months have already gone by. We were excited that Olivia and Logan had made it one month and both of their head sonos came back with no sign of PVL. Logan had been having a tougher time and they weren't quite sure what was wrong. We had called that morning, however, and heard he was doing really well. Finally, I had thought. . .Logan was going to turn that corner. I remember my dad took me up there that afternoon because I still wasn't cleared to drive after my c-section. When we arrived at the NICU, I had never seen so many people there. . .especially on the team that Logan was on. He had a nurse that I had never met before (after a month, I thought I had met almost all of them.) I arrived only to hear bad news. Logan was not doing very well again. My hopes were dashed as I learned that it was not the turning point that I was hoping for. I remember being frustrated that I was unable to spend any quiet time with my babies due to the volume of people.

Ryan met me there after work and I said good-bye to my dad. We tried to spend some time together with Olivia and Logan. At that point in time, it was just sitting by their bedside. Even after one month and one day. . .they were still too fragile to hold. We said good-bye to them and headed over to Ryan's parents' house for dinner. That had become a tradition on Friday nights. We were angry when we got to his parents' because we didn't understand why Logan's vent settings and dopamine had been decreased when he was obviously not doing very well. I remember Ryan's allergies were bothering him. He almost fell asleep during the meal. I had asked him what he had taken and he said, "Two of those pink pills." He had taken two benadryls. . .no wonder he was so tired. I had to drive home because I feared we wouldn't make it home with Ryan in such a fatigued state.

We got home around 9:30 - 10 pm. Soon after, we received a call from Olivia and Logan's doctor. Previously, we freaked out every time we received a call from the NICU. . .especially at night. We had just started growing a little more accustomed to it. I knew, however, that the news wasn't good when Ryan got off the phone and said we had to get back to the hospital. I remember calling my parents and Ryan's parents and asking if they could meet us there. Poor Ryan was so tired and I was hysterical, but we made it up there ourselves. All I remember about the drive to the hospital was that I kept saying, "God wouldn't take my baby boy away. . .He wouldn't take my baby boy away." I also called Stacie on the way up there to tell her what was going on. My dad kept in contact with her the rest of the night.

When we arrived, Logan's doctor along with quite a few nurses and RTs were doing chest compressions and switching him over to the high frequency vent. They had already resuscitated Logan a few times and had given him a few shots of epinephrine to the heart. His doctor took us aside and told us that we had to decide how many times we were going to have him resuscitated. He didn't know what kind of damage had already been done. Logan's heart wasn't keeping up with him. Of course, Ryan and I could not make that decision. How could anyone? By that time, our family had arrived. We wanted to go meet with them. After explaining the situation, we still couldn't imagine letting him go. It was then that his doctor came into the room and told us that Logan had already made the decision for us. We all went over to his bedside and they were doing chest compressions again and we watched as his heart rate would fall to 0. I couldn't believe that I was losing my son. They told us to go back to the room and they would wrap him in a blanket and bring him to us. Ryan was unable to walk back to the room on his own and I had to have the help of the nurses. Then, I think I hyperventilated and found it very difficult to catch my breath.

By the time they brought him to me. . .he had already passed on. It was then that I held him for the very first and the very last time. He was free of the ventilator and of all the tape, tubes and wires. I knew that he had gone to a better place, but I still wanted him here. Ryan was able to hold his son. . .our parents were able to hold their grandson and Laura held her nephew. That was the hardest night of my life.

We were then thrust into planning his funeral. We couldn't leave that night until we had chosen a mortuary and by this time it was close to midnight. We didn't get home until the wee hours of the morning. I'm very thankful that our family was there to help us because Ryan and I could not have done it alone. We could not have gotten through it without our precious Olivia. She was the only strong one out of all three of us. I knew we had to go on because of her.

I often wondered what the purpose of prayer was. To this day, I will admit, I am still a little confused. . .not about why we pray, but about why we pray for specific things. What is the point of praying for something specific if it isn't God's will? Shouldn't we just pray for God's will? If the sheer multitude of prayer could change God's mind, surely my Logan would still be here. I'll never understand God's reasons. . at least not in this lifetime. But, I have my husband and I have my daughter and a God who has blessed me with both. . .and I'm going to be just fine.

Thursday, March 27, 2008 - Update

Olivia discovered her hands awhile ago, but lately she has decided that they are even better than her pacifier. You can barely catch her without her hands in her mouth. . .or anything for that matter. Ryan and I believe that she has started teething. The last two nights she has woken up crying multiple times which isn't like her. Usually once I put her down for the night, she is out. She does not appreciate having her sleep disrupted. . .especially by outside sources. This afternoon she fell asleep on the floor with her toys and her arm was wrapped around her Baby Einstein kaleidoscope (pictured above. . . .that has remained one of her all time favorite toys.) She accidentally pushed the button and the music started playing. She wasn't too happy.

Wednesday, March 26, 2008 - Update

Mom, I think you forgot to take the sticker off.
The future's so bright. . .I gotta wear shades.

Winner takes on daddy.

Olivia doesn't ever seem to enjoy her stroller rides because she absolutely hates the sun in her eyes (I don't quite see her being the outdoorsy type.) I thought I would see how she liked her sunglasses. I thought she would despise them like she does her hats, but I think she enjoyed them. She didn't hardly make a peep during the entire walk. When we got home, I thought she was asleep, but when I took the sunglasses off. . .she was wide awake and happy as can be. I'm going to have to get some in every color.

Tuesday, March 25, 2008 - Update

The other night, the clothes bar in our closet fell down. While Ryan was putting it back up, I decided it was a good time to get rid of some of my clothes. Olivia was quite the little helper.

You can't have too many plain black shirts, mom. . .they go with everything.

Mom, where's that pink and brown striped waffle-knit henley? I like that one. . it's soft.

Thanks for listening to me ramble on in my last post. When I read it this morning, I almost went back and deleted, but I'm sure most people had read it by then. I wasn't having a very good night. It would just be nice for the three of us to have an enjoyable evening without crying or puking. I'm still not sure why it always has to happen at night. I do know that Olivia still seems like a very happy and healthy little girl. I'll just try not to worry about it so much.

Monday, March 24, 2008 - Update

Would you mind if I vented a bit? I'm so frustrated right now. I'm tired of playing detective and trying to figure out if and when Olivia is going to throw up. . .I've decided that she just is. It doesn't matter what we do. Her formula isn't helping, the Prevacid isn't helping (it probably doesn't help that she throws it up too,) we hold her upright, don't feed her during her witching hour when her reflux is really bad, we burp her often, etc. The Poly-Vi-Sol seems to be a trigger, so we've stopped giving that to her at night. We have to space her feedings at least 2.5 hours apart or the previous bottle seems to come up as well. It's not the daily puke laundry load that gets me upset or the cleaning it up afterwards. . .I just keep promising her that I'll make it better. . .and I don't know how. And, I'm worried about her weight gain because we keep getting told that we're not feeding her enough and then she throws up what she does get. Olivia almost acts like we're over feeding her, but she only takes 18-20 oz on a really, really good day. I should be happy that Olivia is sleeping until 8 - 9 am, but that means that she's losing her early morning bottle. I am big on routine and it disrupts our bedtime routine every night. Plus, we are trying to make dinner and tie up the loose ends from our day and my poor girl just has the roughest time. It makes it difficult. Then, I don't know whether she goes to sleep on an empty stomach or not? Everyone says that she will just outgrow it, but why do I read about 2 year old former micropreemies who still vomit everyday? It's not that I'm complaining. . .we are very blessed to have escaped so many of the problems with 23 weekers. For that, I will feel forever blessed. I just want her to grow and develop as she should. I'm just having a bad night. We didn't eat supper until 9:30 pm, I have a bad headache and we got a collection notice in the mail. You see, because of Olivia and Logan's birthweight, they qualified for a medical card that helped with the medical expenses not covered by their health insurance during their hospital stay. What a blessing that was. So, I've had to call on their bills (and I mean bill after bill after bill) with their numbers to get it taken care of. Now, I'm getting collection notices on things that I was told I wasn't going to pay. I have never paid a late bill in my life. But, I'll just deal with that tomorrow.

Ryan and I were wondering why we felt so down the other day. Then, we remembered that we spent the end of the summer and all of the fall in a hospital and all winter in our house. Sorry that I'm complaining. Some days are just difficult. I just hope that Olivia has gained weight when we go back in on April 1st for her Synagis.

A Day in the Life. . .of a guinea pig

Olivia does not yet know of the little furry creatures that live in our basement. I currently have 4 girls and 2 boys who are all around 5 years old. Of course, I couldn't confine them to cages all day, so when we bought our house, we moved them to pens where they could roam about as they please. I think they're pretty happy despite the fact that I don't get to spend a lot of time with them anymore. It's been a challenge to make sure their pens are kept clean, their nails are trimmed (all 84 of them) and remember to give them their veggies twice a day. I have Olivia to love and nurture and think of first and foremost. ..but, my guinea pigs and rats will always be dear to my heart.

Sunday, March 23, 2008 - Happy Easter

My mom and dad take way too many pictures of me.
But, this is a special occasion. Here I am in my Easter dress.

Did you know that my cousins Julia, Rebekah and Katie have the same dress?

Here is my mom - Easter 1978


And me - Easter 2008

Here I am telling my friends about Easter. My mom says it's important to share the good news that Christ is Risen.

Jimmy, you can't be in the picture! Skunks aren't Eastery.

My cousins were very excited about coming to see me today.

I hope all of you had a wonderful Easter. Ryan's entire family came by and brought us Easter dinner. Olivia's cousins came by to see Olivia through the storm door. I made the mistake of snatching up Olivia while in the middle of her nap. She woke up to sunlight and a bunch of faces staring in at her. She was not happy at all. Ryan and I also got to see our newest nephew Kaleb. . .what a cutie!!! I can't wait until I get to hold him. My parents later came by with a birthday cake for Ryan. Happy Easter!