Saturday, November 24, 2007 - Evening Update and Pictures

I continue to be amazed at what a wonderful baby Olivia is. She just doesn’t complain very much even though she has been given a million reasons to complain. She’s very content and loves to be cuddled. Bottle feeding has been difficult and it is hit or miss. One feeding she’ll take 2ccs, then 15 ccs, followed by 50 ccs, then 9 ccs, etc. I don’t want to rush her though. Like I’ve said before, I want her home very badly, but I want her to be ready. We gave her a bath today for the first time. I hope you enjoy the pictures. She was adorable (as always.) Both of her special care roommates have moved on and are getting ready to go home with their families. Today she got two new roommates. I don’t know how many babies have come and gone while Olivia has remained. That’s okay. . .our time will come. Sometimes I think we have to experience the worst pain in order to experience the greatest joy. There may be millions of children that are loved as much as Olivia, but I don’t think it’s possible for anyone to love their child more. Thank you, God, for giving us such a precious gift.

Here I am in my first Christmas outfit.

Yes, I haven’t had a bath in 89 days. . I’m so embarrassed.

So, this is a bath. I’m not quite sure what to think.

Do I love it or hate it?

Well, I might as well sit back and enjoy it.

Now I’m fresh as a daisy!

A clean baby is a happy baby.

Hooray for baths!

Saturday, November 24, 2007

Ryan and I don’t care much for crowds, so we always spend Black Friday putting up our Christmas decorations. Each year as we take the decorations down, I always wonder what my life will be like when we put them up the next Christmas. Last Christmas I never could have imagined what life would have in store for us. I wanted to share with you this ornament that we received from Wesley hospital. We will treasure it for the rest of our lives.

Friday, November 23, 2007 - Evening Update

Olivia and Daddy. Olivia's first bottle with Daddy.



Olivia in her big girl bed.

We are starting to hear talk about Olivia coming home!! Can you believe it? She will be coming home on oxygen and with an apnea monitor. She will still be on her Phenobarb and Reglan and I’m going to need a personal assistant just to help me remember all of her doctor/specialist appointments. Olivia has taken 3 ½ bottles so far today. She fell asleep halfway through her last bottle, but she had a big day. She also had her hearing test today and passed with flying colors. Of course, we never doubted that she could hear since we know she loves her stories every night. We’re going to spend most of the day with her tomorrow to feed her and we may even be able to give Olivia her first bath! We’re going to have to break out the video camera for that one. It’s kind of difficult because we have so much to do here to get ready for her homecoming, but yet we want to be up with her as well! The day is drawing nearer and nearer....

Friday, November 23, 2007- Afternoon Update

I just had to quickly share some good news because everyone can use a pick-me-up. Olivia is going to be moved out of her isolette today and into an open crib. They believe that she will be able to maintain her own body temperature. She gained another 50 grams last night which puts her at about 4 lbs 9 oz!! And. . .early this morning she was given a bottle (1:1 formula and breast milk) and she drained it dry! Yes, Olivia took the entire bottle! This is a HUGE accomplishment and means she is getting closer and closer to coming home. What an amazing little girl!! I’d like to take credit for what an amazing, strong girl she is, but I really can’t. She has been strong since the day she was born. Ryan and I are two proud parents!!

Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good! His faithful love endures forever.
1 Chronicles 16:34

Thursday, November 22, 2007 - Update

I hope all of you had a wonderful Thanksgiving!! We went over to my brother and sister-in-law’s house. . .many of you know them as Izzy’s parents. It was an absolutely fabulous meal and I hope they know how wonderful it was. Ryan and I were the first in line, pigged out and then went back for seconds. You’d think we hadn’t eaten in years! We don’t eat too well anymore since we’re at the hospital every night. Today, Olivia got a Christmas blanket, cap and booties from her great aunt, Sherri and a gift card from her great aunt, Cheryl and great uncle, Terry. Plus, she received all kinds of fun things from Grandma and Grandpa. She also received a whole bag of clothes that Izzy has outgrown. The events of this year made us realize what we have to be thankful for. I’m thankful that we have a God who is merciful and who blessed us with the most amazing daughter in the world. I’m thankful that I have a husband who really meant it when he said, “For better or worse.” I’m thankful for friends and family who have supported us through the most difficult days of our lives. I’m thankful that there are so many people who truly care about Olivia. I’m thankful to have the memories, although few, with my sweet Logan. I’m thankful for the neonatologists, RTs and nurses who, with God’s miraculous touch, have saved my daughter’s life. Thank you all from the bottom of my heart.

I have a few milestones to tell you about today. Olivia broke the 2000 gram mark yesterday and now weighs 4 lbs 7 oz! I’m scrambling to make sure she wears all of her preemie outfits before she outgrows them. Tomorrow, she gets to wear her ‘My First Christmas’ outfit (at least I waited until after Thanksgiving!) Today, the blog reached its 10,000th visitor who happened to be someone in Connecticut. Olivia has people from all over the world check up on her (U.S., Canada, New Zealand, England, Panama, etc.) I hope she knows how special she is! She continues to do well, but has had 3 As and Bs today for some reason. She hasn’t had many of those lately, so we don’t know why they’ve become more frequent. We also noticed that her blood work came back yesterday with an elevated GGT, which is a liver enzyme. We know that the doctors have been watching it, but are not sure what it really means. The normal range extends to around 160 and hers is 503. Hopefully, we’ll find out more about that when we talk to the doctor. Please continue to pray for her strength, growth and healing. She hasn’t really wanted to breastfeed lately. When we have her out, she either wants to sleep or be playful. Tonight, she wanted to be cute and playful and was smiling at her mom and dad. My heart just melted. They really aren’t expecting her to feed orally right now. . .or at least not until she is at least 36 weeks. Right now, we are really just concentrating on bonding and for Olivia to become accepting of objects in her mouth. She is almost 3 months old, but you have to remember that she shouldn’t really be out of the womb yet. Just think about all she has had to endure when most babies are still snug inside their moms. Every day (not just today) I am so thankful for my Olivia Paige.

Wednesday, November 21, 2007 - Thankgsgiving Wishes ...

Thank you Olivia for reminding each of us that life is a blessing. Thank you for teaching us that no matter how small - we can do anything we put our minds to. Thank you for showing us true beauty and thank you for sharing your life with each of us. You are a blessing to so many. And, on this day we give thanks for your life and for your future.

Ryan and Jodi - I give thanks for each of your lives as well. Thank you for letting your faith show us that through Him ALL things are possible. Thank you for sharing your joy, your sorrow, your tears, and your laughter. Thank you for sharing your sweet Logan and your precious Olivia with us. So much to be thankful for this day and everyday. - Stacie

Wednesday, November 21, 2007 - Update

Well, I figured that I’d better send today’s update sooner than usual. I am going to be heading up to the hospital early today because Ryan and I have our CPR class tonight. Last night was like a dream. We can pull a curtain around us and it’s just the three of us in a more homelike environment. A few days ago we jokingly said, “Maybe Olivia could go to a satellite room and one of our favorite NICU nurses could come up and watch her.” That’s exactly what happened and it eased the transition from the NICU. Also, one of our favorite RTs escorted her up there and made sure she got settled. We got more exciting news when we learned that one of our other favorite nurses will be watching Olivia over the weekend!

Last night Olivia was alert and ready to try nursing again. She did wonderfully. We don’t know how much she is really getting and seems to be doing it to mainly soothe herself, but isn’t that also the point? I’m so proud of her. She continues to do well today and I can’t wait to go see her.

Tuesday, November 20, 2007 - Evening Update

My mom, dad and I loved it up in our special care satellite room. One of my favorite nurses was able to come up and take care of me. Thanks Aunt Kimmy for my new, adorable outfit!

Tuesday, November 20, 2007 - Afternoon Update

Big news today!!! First of all, she gained another 60 grams or so last night which puts her at about 4 lbs 5 ½ oz. I think she just wants to be a chubby baby like her mom and dad used to be. I was beyond chubby as a baby (I’m sure my parents will vouch for that.) Her eye exam today showed no change once again. She is still at stage 1, zone 2. She will continue to be checked every week as it could still progress to the point where laser surgery would be necessary. We continue to pray every week, however, that it does not. And. . . . .she is being moved out of the NICU today. She is going to be placed in one of the satellite rooms with 2 other babies. This is what we were praying for as there will be less exposure to noise and other people/babies. I’m assuming we will get a little more privacy. The satellite rooms are basically hospital rooms converted into special care nursery rooms. We are so excited!!! Please continue to pray for my precious Olivia.

Tuesday, November 20, 2007 - Update

Please help Ryan and I keep Olivia safe once she comes home! We ask for your patience and understanding.

Top 10 Ways to Keep Your Preemie Healthy This Winter

The onset of cold and flu season can be a nervous time for the parents of premature infants. We all want to keep our preemies healthy and avoid a possible hospital admission due to infection. While there are no guarantees, by following some simple tips we can keep our preemies healthy throughout the winter months.

1) Hand washing. Hand washing, Hand washing! Hand washing cannot be emphasized enough. It is the single best way to avoid the spread of disease. Every single person who touches a preemie (or any baby) should first wash their hands. This includes friends, family, siblings, healthcare workers, and even parents. The CDC recommends the following technique for hand washing:
* First wet your hands and apply liquid or clean bar soap. Place the bar soap on a rack and allow it to drain.
* Next, rub your hands vigorously together and scrub all surfaces.
* Continue for 10 - 15 seconds or about the length of a little tune. It is the soap combined with the scrubbing action that helps dislodge and remove germs.
2) Stay away from sick people. This may seem obvious, but do not let sick people visit and do not visit them with your preemie.
3) Avoid crowds. The grocery store and malls are full of people and germs this time of year. Even churches and synagogues can be a hazard, especially because everyone will want to admire your preemie up close. If you have to go out with your preemie pick a time of day when there will be minimal exposure to crowds and do not be afraid to ask people to step back.
4) Hand Sanitizer. Recent studies have shown that the proper use of hand sanitizer can decrease the transmission of disease in the home. It comes in large containers for home use and travel size bottles that fit right into the diaper bag. It is a great option when there is no sink available or when you have the baby on the changing table.
5) Smart scheduling. When making doctors appointments ask for the first appointment of the day or the first appointment after lunch. This decreases the risk of exposure to other children in the office. Most offices will be happy to accommodate preemies any way they can and will put them into exam rooms right away instead of leaving them in waiting rooms if the parents ask.
6) RSV and Flu preventatives. RSV is a virus that presents as nothing more than a cold in most children, but it can be a very serious for children at risk including many preemies. Ninety percent of the the population is exposed to RSV before they reach two years old, which means it is very likely that your preemie will be exposed to RSV at some point. The drug Synagis is given as a monthly injection to protect against RSV. Synagis decreases the severity of RSV but it does not totally prevent children from contractiong RSV. The flu is also a very serious illness in young children. The fllu vaccine should be given to all children under the age of two but older children with chronic health issues may also qualify. Check with your pediatrician to see if your child qualifies for Synagis and/or the flu vaccine.
7) Be the gatekeeper for your child. One of the most important responsibilities any parent has is to be the gatekeeper for their child. This is especially true for preemies. Do not feel bad telling well meaning strangers that they cannot touch your child. Let family and friends know that they cannot come iinto your home with so much as a sniffle and do not feel guilty about not visiting an elderly relative in the nursing home with your preemie. These strict guidelines can be hard for some people to accept, so just remember to blame the doctors and nurses. “The doctor told me I can't to X with the baby,” can take the pressure off you as the parent. Your child's healthcare providers are happy to take the blame in order to keep your child healthy.
8) No smoking. Smoking has been shown to increase the risk of RSV and other respiratory illness in preemies. Yet another good reason to quit and to ban smoking in your home.
9) Limit Exposure from older siblings. If there are older siblings in school it is important to teach them how to prevent the spread of infection. Some parents may choose to keep preschoolers home from school during the winter months, but this is not necessary in every case. Emphasizing hand washing and limiting close contact as much as possible, especially if the sibling is sick, are the best ways to keep older siblings form spreading illness to your preemie.
10) Stay Healthy. As a primary caregiver you need to stay healthy for yourself and your preemie. Aside from frequent hand washing, you also should avoid touching your eyes, nose and face. Illness can also be avoided by practicing good health habits such as getting enough rest, eating nutritious foods and staying physically active. Although this may be difficult for anyone with children, it is important to try to do these things.

Lastly, if you do happen to get sick try to stay away from your preemie and let another caregiver take over until you are no longer contagious.

Monday, November 19, 2007 - Update

Olivia continues to do better and better each day. She has just been rock solid and has now gone almost 2 days without a single apnea or bradycardia. She gained another 60 grams last night which puts her at 4 lbs 3 oz. Olivia is a very, very good baby. She hardly ever cries unless she has a real reason to and seems pretty content. The nurses have even commented on her wonderful disposition. Tonight she was a sleepyhead and didn’t even really open her eyes for mom and dad. So, as you can probably ascertain. . .she wanted nothing to do with trying to nurse tonight. She just wanted to snuggle up with her mommy and sleep. I’m so lucky to have such a snuggly baby. I can envision hours of cuddle time at home. They are fairly certain that she did have rickets of prematurity because her full skeletal x-ray showed signs consistent with that diagnosis. I have attached a link for those who wish to learn more about rickets. Her fracture on her femur is healing.

http://www.prematurity.org/research/helen-rickets.html

Tomorrow she has another eye exam. I hope she tolerates it better than she did last week. If her eye exam shows no change or if it has gotten better, she will most likely be transferred up to special care. They are getting crowded in the NICU and need to make room for other premature or sick babies. It was hard for us to walk out of the NICU tonight knowing that we may not go back there tomorrow. You have to understand that we’ve been there every day for 12 weeks. We’ve gotten to know the nurses and the RTs and nobody likes change. The NICU is also the only place where we got to spend time with Logan. I just hope those same nurses get to spend time up in special care with Olivia before she goes home. Her care will also be transferred over from her neonatologist to her pediatrician at that time.

Today, I went into the office where I previously worked. I had worked at American Family Insurance (Pamela Kirk Agency) for many years. I left on August 21st to go to the hospital for the first time and haven’t been back since. I finally picked up some of my stuff. I can’t believe all of the clients that still ask about me every day. I am not planning on going back to work anytime in the next year or so. My life is solely dedicated to my little girl and making sure she has everything she needs. If anyone needs a good insurance agent, however, give them a call. They will all take good care of you.

Please pray for Olivia and that her eye exam tomorrow goes well. Please pray that her transition to special care is smooth and that she continues to show the world what a 23-weeker can do!!

Monday, November 19, 2007

The first picture with Livi and her cousin, Izzy. Izzy loves hearing about all the great updates on her cousin. This is Izzy saying "That is MY cousin!"

Sunday, November 18, 2007 - Update

Olivia continues to shine day after day. I can’t help but think that the NICU will be a little different place without Olivia there. Olivia even got a card and a Thanksgiving book from one of her favorite nurses. What a wonderful surprise! She enjoyed being read her new book tonight. Her move up to Special Care is getting closer and as this chapter of her life comes to a close, I can’t help but be a little sad. How weird is that? The place that I wish she never had to go to, that was so hard to visit. . . .is now a place that I’m going to miss. That’s an emotion that I didn’t see coming. , I’m so thankful because her move out of the NICU means that she is progressing wonderfully. It means that she’s one step closer to coming home. Sometimes I can almost hear Logan cheering her on.

We tried breastfeeding again tonight and she did wonderfully. She really seems to know what she’s doing! I still can’t imagine her taking her whole feeding that way, let alone a whole day’s worth, but I’m sure that will come. What a bonding experience with my precious daughter! I still feel a little bad that I’ve taken her away from her daddy time, though. Olivia has managed to go ALL DAY without a single apnea or bradycardia. She hasn’t even been dropping her saturations like she always used to do. Olivia seems to think that she needs just the tiny bit of oxygen that she’s getting. I can’t imagine that the oxygen is helping her out too much. My dad made the comment tonight that when he was teaching my brother to ride his bike, he would hold on to the seat. My brother kept asking, “Do you have a hold of me?” Most of the time my dad didn’t, but my brother needed that reassurance. I guess Olivia needs that reassurance as well. My day would have been a great one for the record books if it wasn’t for another incident that happened earlier. After church we went out to visit Logan’s grave. If you remember, I had gotten him a pumpkin and a scarecrow. His marker hasn’t come in yet so there was nothing else to mark his grave. When we went out there, everything was gone. Somebody took the stuff off of his grave. It’s not like a pumpkin can just blow away and someone had to have pulled the scarecrow out of the ground. Who would do something like that? We were told that the groundskeepers wouldn’t take anything from the Babyland section. I wanted it to be nice for him and now he has nothing out there . . .not even a marker (it should be in any day, though.) That was very hard for me this afternoon and I’m hoping that I’m able to find something tomorrow to put out there.

Saturday, November 17, 2007 - Update

Today was a HUGE day for us. Almost three months of pumping for this special day. . .Olivia and I tried our hands at breastfeeding. She was extremely tired tonight and barely opened her eyes while we were there, so it wasn’t the best time to start. But, she did latch on and sucked a few times before falling back to sleep. I was really proud of her. We’re both new at this, so I figure we’ll just learn together. I will begin trying this once every day.

They also wrote the order today to move her up to special care. This means that she could go at any time once a bed is available up there. We had our tour of the special care nursery tonight so that we’ll have some idea of where we’re headed. It’s not what I expected and I’m a little reluctant to have her leave the NICU, but I guess it is one step closer to home. Ryan and I also take our CPR class Wednesday night which has to be completed before we can take her home. We’re getting closer and closer to that day!

Ryan did some Christmas shopping for me today and picked up a few things for Olivia as well. While at the mall, he walked by a store that had a little stuffed giraffe that walks around and turns its head. Of course, he had to buy it for Olivia. Later, he was in Borders and saw a giraffe hand puppet that had to be bought as well. Both of us can envision hours of entertainment with that. The other day I bought a ‘My First Christmas’ sleeper at Target and I can’t wait to take her picture in it on Christmas morning with all of her presents. I am so excited for everything that awaits us in the future!

Please say a prayer for Ashton, one of Olivia’s micropreemie friends who had a rough night the other night. You may want to visit his blog and be sure to send support and prayers his way. Please continue to pray for all of the babies in the NICU and those whose time in the womb was cut short. Olivia reminds me every day that miracles do happen and we’re so grateful for all of your prayers.

Saturday, November 17, 2007 - Early Early Morning Update :)

I had the share the good news. Olivia passed the 4 lb mark tonight. She weighs 1825 grams (when she was born, she weighed 498 grams.) My little girl is growing up. Once babies pass the 1800 mark, they can get moved to an open bed. I’m not sure I’m ready for her to leave her isolette. I guess like any parent, I have to let her grow up. Boy, am I one proud mommy! I did skin to skin with her Friday night and she did wonderfully. In fact, she only had 1 A & B all day on Friday and that was at 1:50 am. She’s doing spectacular!

Congratulations Olivia on reaching this milestone! You grow stronger and more precious with each passing day! Your life is a blessing to so many people. You are greatly loved!

I’m writing this update at 1:30 am. I just can’t ever seem to get to sleep before 2:00 am. I have all my great ideas at this time of day, however. Yes, I guess it’s the Sailing in me because my dad is always coming up with weird ideas/inventions too. My mom, however, said that she thought of pull-up diapers way before they were ever heard of. Anyway, I’ve thought up a lot of great inventions like the ‘Wait Awhile Baby’ doll and a garage door opener that records when you last shut and opened the garage door. No more trying to remember whether you shut it or not. Some of my ideas aren’t too great, however, like the time when my feet were freezing cold in bed. I told Ryan, “They should invent something that you can use to keep your feet warm.” He looked at me and said, “Honey, they’re called socks!” Anyway, I thought up my greatest invention ever. . .a way to pump. . .hands-free. Well, I googled it and found out many other people have had this same idea, but I used an ace bandage and it’s ingenious!! It really works. Think of all the things I can now accomplish while pumping! Okay, so I probably shouldn’t write any more updates at this time of day.

Friday, November 16, 2007 - Update

So far, Olivia continues to do well on the nasal cannula and 30 minute feeds. They have even taken the prongs out of her nose for 30 minutes at a time and she does well. Last night she really needed her daddy after her awful eye exam. She stayed awake for her stories, but then couldn’t keep her eyes open any longer. Daddy even told her all about Thanksgiving. Speaking of which, she received her first Thanksgiving card yesterday from the same lady who made her the quilt. We have it taped onto her bed. Olivia truly has won the hearts of many.

Stacie told me something last week that really helped. People always get told, “I’m sorry for your loss.” I know that losing Logan was one of the worst things I could possibly imagine, but in truth. . . he is not lost. I know exactly where he is and we’ll be together again. In a sermon one time, the pastor had us picture a string being strung all the way around the sanctuary. This represents our eternal life. The life that we live here on earth is just maybe an inch of that. I don’t get to spend this short time on earth with Logan, but I’ll have eternity with him. In her last comment, Abby hit the nail right on the head, though. It will never get easier. It will just get more familiar. She understands as Hallie lost her twin named Olivia. Everyday I think of what it’ll be like to take my Olivia home. It’ll be so exciting, but it scares me to death. I told Ryan that I don’t want to take her home if there is any ice on the road or if it’s during rush hour. I thought maybe we could get a police escort. Just kidding. . .well, no not really. Come on, someone has to know someone who can set that up.

Thursday, November 15, 2007 - Update

I’m writing the update early again today. I’m unsure what to report on Olivia. This morning she was doing fantastic and had not had any As or Bs. They even had her off of the nasal cannula for about an hour and she did very well. At 9 am they switched her to 30 minute feeds every 3 hours and she did fantastic. She did well for her next feeding at noon. As you know, she had her eye exam today and I guess that was the last thing in the world that she wanted to do today. She screamed and cried and they had to use a speculum to keep her eyes open. Ever since the exam, she has been having problems with her saturation. I don’t know if she’s responding to the feeding change or if she just really hated the exam. We’ll see how she’s doing later today when we go up to see her. We don’t have the official eye exam report, but it seems that she is still at a stage 1 zone 2. It has spread, however, within zone 2. I believe that’s still pretty good news, but I’m not sure.

I had a really rough night last night. Is it ever going to get easier? I started thinking back to when I was pregnant and when I went in for my ultrasounds. I cannot look at the ultrasound pictures. . .that is one of the very hardest things for me to do. I just remember looking at them when I was pregnant and so full of hope. I had so many dreams for my family. This isn’t the way things were supposed to be. Logan should still be here. Olivia should not have to be fighting so hard. Some days are just so very difficult.

Wednesday, November 14, 2007 - Update

My day started with a massage and ended with a special baby in my arms . . .it was a good day. I tried kangaroo care/skin-to-skin with Olivia again and she did wonderfully. Lately, we have not been able to hold her for over 45 minutes because of her apneas/bradycardias. I held her for 2 hours tonight! She was pretty content with mom and her pacifier. She was sucking on it so vigorously that she was making all kinds of grunts and snorts that could be heard across the room. We got it on video and it is adorable. She’d fall asleep and I would take it out. When I did that, she would open her eyes and look at me like, “Why did you do that?” Even when she was asleep, she wanted it in her mouth. When I was pregnant, I remember thinking that I didn’t want my child to rely on a pacifier. Now, I think Olivia deserves anything that makes her happy.

She continues to do awesome on the nasal cannula. They are going to try the 30 minute feeds tomorrow, so please pray for her success. That’s a big step and a precursor to bottle feeds. She also has her eye exam tomorrow and we need a lot of prayers about that. Poor thing has another diaper rash that they are treating and she’s still having discharge from her eyes.

As I was holding her tonight, I wanted to remember everything about her. As much as I’d like to forget this whole NICU journey, these are the first few months of her life and I want to remember them forever. Olivia will never be 3 lbs 14 oz again (she gained another 25 grams tonight.) Thank you for watching her grow with us. Thank you for just allowing me a place to talk. Sometimes it’s very therapeutic for me and I’ve really needed it. Thank you for caring about her and praying for her. Ryan and I thank you and someday Olivia will thank you as well.

Tuesday, November 13, 2007 - Evening Update

Olivia had a very long day today with all of her tests and x-rays. She was so tuckered out tonight that I don’t think she even knew we were there. We were unable to hold her because she had to have another blood transfusion. We used to get pretty upset when she had a transfusion, but after 10+ transfusions we almost consider it a good thing. She has been borderline anemic for awhile now and today her hematocrit numbers were finally low enough for a transfusion. The extra red blood cells should help carry the oxygen through the body thus helping her stay more saturated. Because of the transfusion and the fact that she was extremely tired, we didn’t get to spend too much time with her tonight.

Her blood work did not show any sign of an infection, so they’ve pretty much ruled that out. They also did a sonogram to look for a pocket of fluid that usually occurs with an infection. They did not find any and are now thinking it is most likely a fracture. How she got the fracture? We don’t know. We have not heard the results from the full body x-ray that was done. The bone doctor (is there an official name for bone doctor?) has not read the x-rays yet. We should know more tomorrow. Even with all of her tests today, she is doing fantastic on the nasal cannula. If they turned her oxygen down any lower, they would just have to shut it off. She is saturating beautifully. She is beautiful. . .all 3 lbs 11 ¾ oz of her!!

“I will love the light for it shows me the way, yet I will endure the

darkness because it shows me the stars.”

- Og Mandino

Tuesday, November 13, 2007 - Afternoon Update

I wanted to send a quick afternoon update and ask for prayers for Olivia. First, I’ll start with the good news. She’s continued to have no As or Bs on CPAP and they have moved her back onto nasal cannula. She gained 60 grams last night which puts her at about 3 lbs 11 ¾ oz. Now, a few days ago when they did an X-ray of her bowels, they noticed something suspicious on her left femur. If you remember a few weeks ago, she had a bruise there and they did an x-ray and it was fine. That is now coming into question again. They did another x-ray of the femur and noticed that indeed there was something there. It could be one of two things. It could be a bone fracture of her femur. This could be caused by rickets of prematurity. Premature babies can get this because of being on the TPN fluid (I.V. fluid) because there is no way to get enough calcium in them this way. She was not on TPN that long and her alk-phos level was never that high. She doesn’t seem to have a lot of the risk factors for rickets, however, this seems to be the most logical explanation. It could also be an infection either in the bone or the joint. A bone infection would be treated with a long-term course of antibiotics. If it were a joint infection, they would have to surgically open her up and drain it. She does not have any other signs of an infection. Sadly enough, the best that we can hope for right now is a bone fracture. They will be doing a full skeletal x-ray to check for any other fractures. She will also be having some blood work done. Her doctor would also like to do an MRI of her femur. An MRI cannot be done while on CPAP, so she would have to tolerate the nasal cannula well enough to go down for the MRI. A nurse and an RT would be with her. She will most likely not have her eye exam until Thursday. Please ask God to be with her. She’s gone through more in the last 2 ½ months than any person should go through in a lifetime. She’s just a baby. . .she shouldn’t have to go through all of this. Please continue to pray for her.

Monday, November 12, 2007 - Update

Olivia has officially fallen in love with her pacifier. She loves to suck on it, but hasn’t quite figured out how to keep it in her mouth. Someone has to hold it in for her. I was trying to do that plus change her diaper at the same time. . .it didn’t work too well. It fell out and she was trying with everything she had to get it back in her mouth. She was sticking out her tongue, turning her head and even trying to use her hands. You could tell that she was getting frustrated and would start to cry. So, I spent most of the afternoon holding her pacifier in for her. It’s nice to be there when she falls asleep and then still be there when she wakes up. I hope she feels mommy’s presence. Olivia had a great day today with no As or Bs. I don’t know whether that can be attributed to the CPAP or the Reglan and the stopping of the caffeine. She was on room air for most of the day and is only on a PEEP of 4. I’ll be curious to find out what the doctor thinks. Please remember that Olivia has her next eye exam tomorrow so please pray for positive results. At this time, we just don’t want to see it progress.

Last night, my dear husband cleaned out the deep freeze to make room for my milk. We have officially run out of room. Milk was falling out of the freezer every time the door was opened which wasn’t fun to deal with in the middle of the night. This doesn’t even count the milk at the hospital and the bottles that we have stored at Joel and Laura’s. I could feed a small nation! Poor Olivia. . .she’s going to be pouring it on her cereal someday.

Sunday, November 11, 2007 - Update

Olivia had to go back on CPAP today. She had numerous As and Bs in a row which was what prompted them to make the decision. When they checked her diaper, however, she had a very large stool. It’s possible that she was just trying to pass it. I don’t know about you but when I’m having “stooling issues” I have to hold my breath too. They also skipped one of her feedings, did an x-ray and started her on Reglan. When Dr. Dorn mentioned Reglan, Ryan and I already knew a lot about it because it is a medicine that our guinea pigs have used numerous times. It helps them with digestive issues. He said, “I didn’t know they used it on guinea pigs” to which we replied, “I didn’t know they used it on people.” We’ll just have to see how she does with the changes that were made. I know that she’s had only 1 A and B on the CPAP today as of about 7:30 p.m. I’m hoping that we see a decrease because no matter how many times you see her do it. . .it doesn’t get easier. Thankfully, she doesn’t seem too uncomfortable on CPAP this time. I was also able to rock her for a little bit tonight as well. Let me tell you, she’s a beautiful baby.

She did lose 32 grams last night, but she had gained quite a bit in the last few days so we’re not too concerned. Tonight her weight stayed the same and with her feeding changes, that’s probably okay since we actually expected a little bit of a loss. Please continue the prayers during this time. We really don’t feel that it is too much of a setback. They are just trying to determine whether the As and Bs are caused by apnea of prematurity, reflux or something else entirely. Please pray that they find the answers that they need to help Olivia continue to improve. I know that I often complain and cry out “Why me?” But, there’s never a day where I am not thankful for my daughter. I realize how lucky I am to have her. I wish Ryan and I did not have to go through all of this, but if it’s what we have to do to get our baby girl, then we’ll gladly accept the challenge. Our love knows no boundaries!!

Saturday, November 10, 2007 - Pictures

So daddy. . . .I was thinking. . .
It’s never too soon to start asking for a pony.
Maybe just a tiny pony?

This is MY daddy!

Saturday, November 10, 2007 - Update

Today was a very difficult day for both Ryan and me. This morning we got rid of Logan’s crib, which we had been needing to do in order to get the nursery ready. It just kinda reminded us, however, that Logan is never coming home. We went to Babies-R-Us and it was very difficult. It had been hard for me to go into baby stores when I was trying so desperately for a child. You’d think now that I have a baby, it would be easier. . .but, it’s not. I saw a little outfit that said, ‘If you think I’m cute, you should see my twin” and I just lost it. Ryan just about lost it, right there in the middle of the store. I think everything is catching up to Ryan. He’s been remaining pretty busy throughout this whole ordeal, but it’s difficult for him. I know time will make all things easier, but we will forever miss our sweet Logan. We will forever wonder why they had to be born so early. Today would have been better if Olivia didn’t have so many As and Bs. They decreased her feeding today because Dr Dorn believes that her problems may be caused by reflux. Her oxygen requirements still remain very low at less than 25 mL / minute. She’ll saturate at 100% and then drop like a rock. It’s so scary. We weren’t going to hold her today because of her numerous episodes, but I’m glad we decided to. Ryan held her and it was just what he needed. She remained awake for a long time and was staring at him and grabbing his finger. They had many wonderful father/daughter moments and she was so cute as a pretty pink princess (thanks Stacie for the adorable sleeper!) She was also cuddled up in her new quilt that was made just for her. She is now up to 3 lbs 10 ¾ oz and is an absolutely beautiful baby. Both sets of grandparents were able to come up and check on her.

We went to Kohl’s on the way home. We walked in the door and heard, “Are you Olivia’s parents?” Yes, we had our first public recognition. This wonderful lady heard about us from her church and she follows the blog everyday with her daughter. Thank you to all of the people who have taken such an interest in my daughter’s life and for keeping her in your daily prayers. You’ll never know how much it means to us.

Friday, November 9, 2007 - Update and Pictures

I’m happy to report that Olivia did not have to go back on the CPAP. In fact, today when we called Olivia hadn’t had any As or Bs (apneas or bradycardias) since 2:15 am. She had been saturating at 100% consistently and they kept turning her oxygen down. Finally, the nurse took the prongs out of her nose and Olivia kept saturating just fine. She was basically doing everything on her own like you and me . . .or so we thought. Well, when we got there tonight she was back on the nasal cannula. Come to find out, the oxygen mask had a little bit of oxygen coming through it and it was in the enclosed isolette with Olivia. So, technically, she was getting some oxygen. When they turned it off, they had to put the prongs back in her. She is still doing fabulous and is on less than 25 mL/minute. Last night she gained another 25 grams and now weighs 3 lbs 9 oz. I spent the afternoon with Stacie and we sat and talked just like the good ‘ole days. After talking with Stacie, I figured out why Olivia is doing so well. I believe that she is a very strong girl herself and in addition to that, Logan is giving her all of his strength as well. I just know that he is up in heaven cheering her on.

Tonight, Olivia was our little ‘golden girl’ and was dressed in her yellow giraffe sleeper. Olivia’s nurse even got her yellow bedding to coordinate with her outfit. She looked adorable and I finally got to rock her again. She has been maintaining her temperature well and has had only 3 As or Bs since midnight. I’m so proud of her. They believe that her problem yesterday did stem from the change in her feeding. They are going to keep her feeding over 2 hours this weekend and may try reducing it to 30 minutes on Monday. Feeding has always been one of our concerns as I’ve not yet heard of a micro-preemie who doesn’t have feeding issues whether it’s reflux, weight gain, vomiting or the need for a feeding tube. (If there is one out there, I’d love to hear from you.) Please continue to celebrate each of Olivia’s successes with me. You’re reading about a wonderful woman in the making.

Thursday, November 8, 2007 - Update and Pictures

Well, it looks like Miss Olivia may have to go back on CPAP. She does beautifully on nasal cannula. . . .saturates at 100%. . .when she’s awake. Once she goes to sleep, she gets too relaxed and forgets to breathe. This is one of the reasons that we haven’t been able to hold her. Instead of CPAP, they may try her on a high flow nasal cannula. We don’t know yet. I feel so bad for her because she seems so much more comfortable off of CPAP, however, you can only watch your child stop breathing so many times. Like I told my dad tonight, she is Super Baby, but she is only human. Olivia is still doing fabulous. She was so alert and content tonight. I couldn’t decide which pictures to share. I got to dress her in her first outfit. She didn’t fuss at all when I was putting it on and I think she even liked it. Actually, she is getting very accustomed to mom and dad and pretty much lets us do what we want. While we were there, she was maintaining her body temperature very well. Please pray that her apnea/bradycardia episodes become few and far between. . .even if that means going back on CPAP. Please keep her in your prayers and enjoy the pictures of sweet Livi!

"Hi Mom. Hi Dad. I've been waiting for you."

This is my mom changing my diaper. I don’t fuss when mom or dad change my diaper anymore. In fact, I like to leave a present for dad and then right after he cleans me up. . .I like to leave another present for mom.

I’ve got my eye on you.

Oh, daddy. . .you’re hilarious!

This is my mom dressing me for the first time.

Uh, mom? What happened to my hand?

Man, now I know why they call this a sleeper.

Mom. . .you make me so happy.

Okay, I just can’t stay awake any longer. Goodnight.

Thursday, November 8, 2007 - Update

13 comments!!! Wow, that warrants another update. It’s called positive reinforcement. Plus, so many things are happening I have a hard time remembering them at the end of the day. Olivia continues to succeed on nasal cannula. She has had about 4 desat episodes since midnight, but that is still less than what is allowed. For those who have wondered, a nasal cannula is a plastic, flexible tube with prongs that fit in the nose and delivers supplemental oxygen. No pressure, no extra breaths. . .just Olivia breathing on her own with some extra oxygen. She is currently on 25 ml per minute. This is down from the 75 ml per minute that she started off on. They also changed her feeding today to 33 cc and instead of being fed over the course of 2 hours, she is being fed over 30 minutes. This is more like a regular feeding will be. And if her respiration rate stays under 60, they will begin nipple feeding by bottle or breast. We told them to be sure to call us when she was ready for that because we want to be there. I’d love to be the first to feed her. I’m not sure how much breastfeeding I will get to do since they have to add special care formula to my breast milk for extra calories. It looks like my relationship with Mr. Pump will continue on. Olivia also gained another 40 grams last night and is now up to 3 lbs 8 oz. And. . .we should be able to dress her tonight!!! Grandma Glunt gave us a few outfits (oh, I can’t wait to show you her pink, butterfly sleeper) and our neighbors, David and Denise Omli (wonderful neighbors) left a present on our doorstep. They managed to find not only a giraffe gift bag, but a sleeper with giraffes on it along with adorable outfits!! Thank you so much. I’m trying to keep up on all of my thank yous, but the overwhelming kindness from so many people is making it difficult.

Boy, it seems like everyone knows this new mother of triplets! I can’t wait to meet her. I believe that one of her babies (a little boy) is in the bed next to Olivia. What an adorable little boy! Olivia might want to keep in touch with him. Sometimes I wonder what it would have been like if I was able to have all of my 3 babies. I feel that in my mourning of Logan, I don’t ever acknowledge the 3rd baby that I lost. I say that Olivia was a twin, but in truth she was a triplet. If you all remember, I miscarried Baby B before 8 weeks. Not that I’m complaining. I feel so blessed for the precious little girl that I have. My father, as many of you know, is a great musician. He is the best piano player I have ever known and he used to write and compose songs. The words of one of his songs rings true for me. “If I never had another blessing, I’d still have all I need.” I hope Olivia grows up knowing how much of a blessing she is to not only her daddy and me, but to so many other people. Oh, and don’t worry, pictures are a’coming.

Late-Afternoon Update: She's had 7 apnea/bradycardia spells since 10:00 am. During one of them, they had to bag her for over a minute to get her back up. Usually, that warrants going back on CPAP, but he believes it may be because of the change in her feeding. She didn't seem to like being fed over 30 minutes. Sometimes, their tummies fill up too fast and their diaphragm pushes on their lungs making it difficult to breathe. They changed her feeding back to the 2 hour schedule and are going to see if that helps.

Wednesday, November 7, 2007 - Evening Update

I have great news to report tonight. Dr. Dorn called us this afternoon to tell us that Olivia was coming off of CPAP. Yep, she is now on nasal cannula and doing fabulous. What wonderful news! After we quit dancing around and singing the theme to Rocky (she’s quite the fighter,) we had to call our parents and let them know. Dr Dorn even mentioned that if she continues to do well, we may be discussing the move to the special care nursery as early as next week. I don’t know if we’re quite ready for that, but like all parents. . . .we have to let her grow up. As much as we want her home, we hope it’s not until AFTER my baby shower. Ryan and I realized today that we do not yet have everything quite ready for her homecoming.

We went up to see her tonight and were unable to get in due to the admission of triplets (two of these babies are on the same team as Olivia.) We had to wait out in the waiting room for about an hour, but while we were there we talked to some other moms. I met one mom who gave birth to twins (boy and girl) at 23 weeks about a month after I did. This was after her struggle with infertility and 3 rounds of IVF (I believe.) Wow. . .it was amazing to talk to someone who really understood. She even talked about how she needed to get home to pump. I thought I was the only one who thought about that. Please pray for her two little ones.

Anyway, we finally got in to see Olivia and she was beautiful. You can see her face so well. She loved having us there tonight and when we would take our hands out of her isolette, she would get really squirmy until we got back in with her. I read her story to her and she loved that. There was a part in the book where Reddy Fox stuttered and after I read that part, she just grinned from ear to ear. She continues to amaze us day after day. I think we can finally see a little glimmer of light at the end of this long, dark tunnel. What an amazing little girl we have and what an amazing God we have who blessed us with this absolute angel.

Now you CPAP, now you don't!

Wednesday, November 7, 2007 - Afternoon Update

I just thought I’d send a quick update on this glorious day. I woke up feeling fantastic this morning. . .no more scratchy throat. I slept for 8 hours straight which I haven’t done for oh, about 10 weeks. Of course, I slept right through my alarm and didn’t get up to pump which isn’t too good, but I think it’ll be okay. I also learned this morning that Olivia gained 85 grams last night! This puts her at about 1550 grams although I’m not going to get too excited until she continues on this upward trend. I’m so proud of her and I’m so glad that I get to go see her today. Although I’m not too fond of this colder weather. . .I love fall clothes. They are just so comforting. I went to put on some of my fall clothes, however, and many of them did not fit. What is it about having babies that makes all your clothes shrink? Yes, I’m sure that had to be what happened. A shopping spree. . .that’s what I need, but not for me because I’m too excited about dressing Olivia. She’s going to be so pretty in pink!

Tuesday, November 6, 2007 - Update

I am sitting here all alone tonight as I type this update. I woke up this morning with a scratchy throat, so I couldn’t go see my daughter and I’m just heartbroken. I don’t know if I’m truly sick or if it’s just allergy drainage, but I don’t want to take the chance. Ryan is up with her right now and I know that she loves her daddy. He’ll read her story to her (we’re now on Peter Cottontail) and let her know that she is loved. I still miss her so much!!!

I do have wonderful news to relay. She had another eye exam today and the ROP has not progressed past Stage 1. This does not mean that we’re in the clear, but it is still fantastic news. Olivia also had to have her Hepatitis B vaccination today. The nurse gave her a pacifier with sucrose and said that Olivia did very well and that she has actually gotten more upset over a diaper change. She is still on a PEEP of 4. Last night she had a nose bleed. . .those prongs have to be so uncomfortable. Olivia did lose 10 grams last night and they are a little concerned about her growth again. They removed her OG tube today because, along with excess gas, it is also removing some of the milk she’s being fed. They believe that she might also be anemic. Tomorrow they will check her levels and she will have another transfusion, if needed.

Ryan just returned from his visit with Olivia and had two surprises for me. The first surprise was a note from one of our favorite nurses commending me for being such a good mom. I don’t feel like a very good mom since I didn’t go see my daughter today, but I really don’t want to get her sick. Also, people donate and/or make quilts for all of the babies in the NICU. Well, Olivia had a quilt made especially for her by the mother and grandmother of an NICU nurse. How special is that? We also ask for continued prayers for Olivia’s neighbor.

Olivia continues to do so well. I am not naïve enough to believe that she could come out of this whole thing completely unscathed. I mean, she was born 17 weeks early. . .17 WEEKS!! But, her progress has continued to amaze me and I pray every day that she will be okay. I pray that I am given the wisdom and the support to face whatever obstacles that we encounter. I know that I love Olivia more than I ever thought possible and I will do my best to give her every opportunity in life. Ryan and I are committed to her 110% and will be the best parents that we can possibly be.

Monday, November 5, 2007 - Update

I was able to spend the afternoon and evening with my precious daughter. Olivia continues to do very well, although she has been struggling more lately on her lowered CPAP setting. She has had more desats, apneas and bradycardias lately although the frequency of these episodes is still below what they consider the norm. Olivia has not been gaining weight as well lately either. She’s only gained 25 grams within the last 3 days which puts her about 25 grams shy of the 1500 gram mark. Previously, she had been gaining almost 40 grams per day. They increased her feeding to 31 cc and may increase it again depending upon what her weight is tonight. Please pray that she continues to grow like she should as this is very important for her development. Olivia managed to pull her OG tube out about 3 times today and even managed to get her feeding tube out as well. One of the nurses had to hold her arms down when they put the OG tube back in because of the force Olivia was using to push them away. Everyone remains to be very impressed by my sweet Olivia. There are not many long term studies or even any data on 23-weekers. Many places do not even resuscitate babies born before 24 weeks. I hope babies like Olivia change people’s minds and prove that every baby should be given a chance. Olivia has a little friend with her in her isolette. A few weeks ago, somebody donated little stuffed animals to all the babies in the NICU. Of course, they have to be put in plastic bags, but Olivia has a little elephant sitting with her everyday that we call Horton. Everyday, Horton whispers to Olivia “A person’s a person no matter how small.” (Horton Hears a Who still remains one of my all-time favorite stories.)

Last night I mentioned another baby that was admitted into the NICU. Sadly, she was another precious child that God called home. Please pray for the family of that baby. I was also greatly distressed to learn that Olivia’s little neighbor had to have surgery today. This little girl was born about a week after Olivia and is one of the few babies that have remained in the NICU throughout our stay. Please pray that she is able to recover fully. You are not supposed to pay a lot of attention to the other babies around you and for good reason. It’s hard, however, not to notice the babies around you because their condition greatly affects the atmosphere of the entire room. I just want every baby there to be able to go home with their family. I wish Logan would have been able to and I pray every second of every day that Olivia will be able to in the near future.

Sunday, November 4, 2007 - Evening Update

It’s official. . .Olivia takes after me and loves to rock in a rocking chair. When we got her out tonight, she was crying and crying and the second I started rocking she was fine. She’s doing great, our little Bo PEEP of 4!! Yep, they turned her down on the CPAP again and she’s doing great, although now she probably can’t wait to get off of the CPAP. While rocking my daughter, I was able to feel like a real mother. I’m sure that after being swaddled in a blanket and cradled in my arms. . .Olivia was able to feel like a real baby.

It was a tough night in the NICU. They had a new baby admitted who seemed to be struggling quite a bit. After we had put Olivia back in her isolette and got ready to leave, Olivia kept crying. It’s hard to leave your baby when she’s crying, so I had my hands in on her trying to calm her down. The new baby’s condition quickly worsened and we were advised to promptly leave. I feel like I didn’t get to say goodnight to Olivia and I didn’t want to leave her when she was upset. Of course, I understand all too well about the hardships that happen in the NICU. It was very difficult for me remembering back to that awful night on September 28th. I just wanted to be by Olivia’s side and never leave. Because of everything, I’m just not doing too well tonight. I want my Olivia home with me so very badly. My prayers go out to the family of the baby and I hope and pray that they were able to get her stabilized. Nobody should have to go through any of this.

Anyway, that’s all I really feel like writing tonight. I meet with the physical therapists tomorrow to further discuss Olivia’s progress. Please always keep my little girl close to your heart.

We also pray that you will be strengthened with all his glorious power so you will have all the endurance and patience you need…
Colossians 1:11

Sunday, November 4, 2007 - The Giraffe Tent

Ryan and I went over to my parents’ house for lunch today. We walked in the door and found this. . .a giant giraffe tent for Olivia and her cousin, Isabelle. Grandma and Grandpa Sailing can’t wait for the day that Livi and Izzy (as they’re affectionately called) get to play together.

Saturday, November 3, 2007 - Update

Well, Olivia has started to develop strong opinions about what she likes and what she doesn’t. We learned that CPAP + skin-to-skin = very angry baby. I don’t think she liked it because she had to lay her head against the tubes on the side of her face. We turned her on her back, swaddled her in a blanket and daddy held her like that. That seemed to be what she wanted. Olivia is getting some force behind those lungs and will cry and cry to voice her displeasure.

It was kind of hard for Ryan to hold her the way that he did because that is how we held Logan the night that he died. It brought back some painful memories. It was even more difficult when she decided to stop breathing and started turning blue. That’ll age you about 20 years. She went from an oxygen saturation of 100 to about 40 in just a few seconds. Nobody should have to see their baby start turning blue. As much as we want her home as soon as possible, we want to make sure that she is ready to come home. We’re stressed when she has an apnea in a hospital. I can’t imagine if that happened at home. We think she just got too comfy again and forgot to breathe. We think that she also had a bad dream while she was sleeping. She’d been out for about 30 minutes and then all of the sudden she let out a cry that only lasted about 2 seconds.

Overall, however, she is doing very good. She is still on a PEEP of 5 and was on room air for much of the day. I’m so proud of her. I was talking to Ryan earlier today about all of the new moms that I see out and about with their newborns. Those people don’t realize that I’m a new mom too. I told Ryan that I also want to show off my new baby. He reminded me that I do get to do that. I just do it in a little different way. . .on this blog. Thank you for allowing me to do so. It helps me more than you know.

When you go through deep waters, I will be with you. Isaiah 43:2