Saturday, February 2, 2008 - Happy Whistle Pig's Day

Mama, keep your finger right here!

Hangin out with dad

Just chillin with mom

Yes, a groundhog is also known as a woodchuck and a whistle pig. . .the latter being our favorite. Olivia spent all night and all morning with dad while I slept and slept and slept. It was wonderful! I think I got a total of 11 hours of sleep and Olivia and I still took our afternoon nap. I guess you turn 30 and your body wears out.

March of Dimes Update

Well, it's Friday and time for our update. We have the following people signed up for the walk:

Carol, Shawna, Laura (Julia and Rebekah), Lorna, Marilee, Gina (and Savannah), Kelley and Kerry.

So far we've raised $260 and Kerry is leading the way with $100 raised. Many of you have even met your goals. Great job! Thanks again for all of your support!

Happy Birthday Jodi!

Happy Birthday? It looks more like Hippy Birthday.

This is Jodi's husband, Ryan. I wanted to post this to wish my wife the best 30th birthday that she can have. After all that she has been through, she deserves it. Jodi always wanted to have her two children by the time she was 30. She got her birthday wish, although Logan has already come and gone before us to heaven. While we miss Logan terribly, I know that Olivia is the best birthday present for which my wife could have hoped. I am thrilled that we will be able to spend the day today as a family. Please join me in wishing my wife all the happiness and joy that she can have on this special day.

Thanks honey. . .and thanks to all of you for your birthday wishes. They mean a lot to me. My husband was mistaken, however, because I am only 23 years old. :-) I also got flowers and a gift basket from my friend/previous boss, Pam. My sister-in-law, Laura, and niece, Rebekah, brought me some cookies. My friend, Kerry, is in talks with the zoo to arrange a private meet and greet with Olivia the giraffe. For those who "tuned in" later, you'll have to go back and read Sept 26th's post to understand our fascination with giraffes. It's been a great day. In addition to my iPod, Ryan also got me a beautiful bracelet, Olive Garden for lunch and one of those massaging shower heads. He's also letting me sleep all night tonight and all morning tomorrow. But, the greatest gift that he's given me is his love for me and his daughter.

Olivia greeted me this morning at 5 am with some of the biggest grins that I have ever seen. She's continued to be an angel all day and that's even after going to the doctor to get her Synagis shot. She now weighs 8 lbs 6 oz and is in the 90th percentile on the preemie growth chart. I'm so proud of her. She's the best birthday present in the world!

Wednesday, January 30, 2008 - Update

Super baby to the rescue!

Take time to smile everyday

Today Ryan let me open one of my birthday presents early. My birthday is Friday. . .unfortunately it's the big 3-0. Ryan took off work on Friday and the three of us our going to have as much fun as three people can have within the confines of your own house. Ryan got me an ipod so that I can (get this) hold Olivia in her room while rocking and listening to music. It will also come in handy this spring when Olivia and I go on our long walks. Ryan always makes my birthdays special. . ..two years ago I got a car! In three more years it will be all mine.

I called Olivia's pediatrician's office to make sure her Synagis shot was there for tomorrow. Good thing I called because our insurance company hadn't mailed it yet. It is supposed to be mailed tomorrow and we rescheduled for Friday, which is fine because that will be 29 days since her last shot. It may be a blessing because it's supposed to do the whole snowing,blowing, drifting thing tomorrow.

Olivia has become quite the bossy boss and her feisty personality still shines through. When we take our afternoon naps, we position ourselves just so and I can't stray from that position. The other day, she wanted her head right on my neck and got irritated should I want to swallow. She won't hardly let us give her the Poly-Vi-Sol or Nystatin anymore and she's learned how to spit it right back out. Today, however, she has been a sleepyhead. She barely stays awake long enough to eat before she's back to sleep again. Hopefully, she'll wake up to play a bit tonight.

Tuesday, January 29, 2008 - Update

Olivia continues to thrive and is doing very well. Her sleeping/feeding schedule is beginning to become a little more reliable and allows us to better anticipate what she wants. She has a pediatrician appt on Thursday for her next Synagis shot and I'm anxious to find out her new weight.

I did want to take a moment to tell you all what a great mother I have. My poor mom has been unable to see Olivia for almost a month. She has been around others who have been sick and now she is sick herself. Olivia has remained so well because of her vigilance and caution and those of our family and friends. Many of you may not understand exactly why it is so important to keep her healthy. By all outward appearances, she seems like a healthy, normal newborn. But, after being on the ventilator for 2 months. . .her lungs are very scarred. Any illness, especially one that attacks the respiratory system like RSV, would be very hard on her. She just doesn't have the lung reserves that full term babies have. Plus, after spending 105 days in the hospital, I promised her that we wouldn't spend another night away from each other for a long time. So, you'll never see Ryan and I without Purell with us at all times. I just ask for everyone's continued patience and dedication with helping Olivia remain healthy.

Upcoming Shower

My wonderful neighbors are throwing me a shower and we would like to extend the invitation to all of you devoted blog readers. I have appreciated all of your support throughout the past 5 months. For those who attended my previous shower, don't feel that you have to come and bring another gift. It would just be nice to sit down and chat with friends and family that I haven't seen for awhile. The only criteria I ask is that you are healthy. I don't want to risk bringing home something to Olivia. As you may have guessed, Olivia will not be attending the shower with me. . .you'll have to wait until April for her big debut!

It's A Baby Shower
Sunday, February 10, 2008 from 2 pm - 4 pm

If you would like to attend, please contact Denise at omlicrew@sbcglobal.net. She will give you additional details, location, etc.

Thanks again to Denise and Michelle for throwing the shower. We are truly blessed to live in such a wonderful neighborhood. I grew up with the best neighbors imaginable and I have very fond memories of my childhood because of it. The Sailings, Dillons and Teschkes were all one big family. My two best friends (Tamar and Tiffany) lived two houses down. Tamar and Tiffany are twins, but I think we could have been triplets because we did everything together. I remember summer nights playing outside while our parents sat out and talked in lawn chairs. I was truly blessed and I hope Olivia's childhood is just as special.

Monday, January 28, 2008 - Remembering Logan

My sweet Logan William

It was four months ago today that I lost my sweet Logan and experienced what became the worst day of my life. The day of their birth was a close second which leaves me wondering how to fill out Olivia's baby book. There is a page dedicated to telling her about how wonderful the day of her birth was. I know that not many of you were able to meet Logan, but he was such a sweet, adorable little boy.

I came across a website the other day on prematurity that really frustrated me. It made it sound as if prematurity is caused by something that the mother did. The list of risk factors for prematurity included: low income, uneducated mothers with no prenatal care and poor nutrition. If those are the risk factors that doctors and nurses go by, no wonder my symptoms weren't taken seriously. I hope that the March of Dimes continues to do more to spread awareness than by just restating the obvious. I have met many people, like myself, who tried to do everything right. I had what could be considered 'prenatal care' for two and a half years. I saw ultrasound pictures of the follicles that contained the eggs that would later become my children. I was on prenatal vitamins for two and a half years and Ryan and I had every test imaginable done. . .and I still gave birth prematurely. It can happen to anyone.

I debated about whether to post Logan's marker pictures, but I decided to do so because this blog is dedicated to Olivia and Logan. This is my reality and my experiences on a daily basis. If I live to be 90 years old, I will still visit his gravesite and remember that I had an amazing son.

Sunday, January 27, 2008 - Pictures

I think we should change the song to 'Olivia Had a Little Lamb.'

I am finally big enough for my Baby Bjorn carrier and went for a walk today with mom and dad. I fell fast asleep.

A Plugged Duct and Hiccups

What do these two things have in common? They are what kept me up all night. I put Olivia down and was thrilled to be able to crawl into bed before midnight. I'm having problems with plugged milk ducts since I've been trying to stop pumping. It got pretty painful last night and by 2 am I was almost asleep when Olivia's alarm went off. Her lead came off of her foot. She was fast asleep, but I woke her up trying to put the lead back on. Since she woke up, I went ahead and fed her. She was an angel and went right back to sleep. I then had to pump for 30 minutes to get some relief. I felt better. . .Olivia was asleep. . .and it was almost 4 am when I crawled back into bed only to get the hiccups. Ryan is one of those people who can hold their breath and get rid of them instantly. That has never worked with me. I could tell that I was keeping him awake with a hic. . . .hic. . .hic. . .every few seconds, so I got up and searched the Internet for ways to get rid of hiccups. I read a lot of interesting things and I finally found a cure. . .swallow a teaspoonful of sugar. . .it worked instantly. Studies show that it works for 19 out of 20 people. Finally, by 5 am I could finally go to sleep. Now, I'm just exhausted. Not too tired, however, to say Happy 5 month birthday to my precious Olivia!

Olivia's Cousins - Part Seven

And last, but not least. . . .

Kaleb Brodie Snyder, almost 1 month

Favorite Color: Good question!

Hobbies: Eat and sleep…and sleep… and did I mention sleep?

Favorite Toy(s): bouncy seat, mirror, and rattle

Name one thing that you want to teach Olivia: How to play like the boys when she gets older.
Anything about yourself that you would like to add?
I have stock in the formula company, and I belong to the diaper changing club.

I hope I was able to make all of my nieces and nephews feel special by spotlighting them on the blog. You are all very special to me. Because I have had to keep Olivia away from a lot of people, I have also been kept away myself. I take my job as an aunt very seriously and I love you all a lot!

Saturday, January 26, 2008 - Update

Mom and dad said we're going on a trip to the Dillon's drive-thru to pick up my prescription. I hope it's as exciting as our trip to the Arby's drive-thru.

It's hard work to be this cute!

Olivia has been doing better lately. Our latest theory is that she doesn't like her milk/formula warmed up. She prefers it room temperature. It seems like parenting is a lot of trial and error. I just hope that I make the best decisions for her. She has started her Nystatin for her thrush and I hope that clears it up. Has anyone had any experience with that? Does that affect how well they take their bottles?

Logan finally got his marker put out. It looks really nice and I feel so much better knowing that his grave is no longer unmarked. That really bothered me. Grandpa Sailing also put a little fire truck out there for him. I know my parents and grandparents looked forward to having their first grandson/great grandson. The pain of losing him still hurts so much. I don't know if many of you know, but Ryan and I had his name. . .Logan William. . .picked out since 2001. We knew that if we ever had a son, Logan William would be his name. (Ryan's middle name and his dad's first name is William.) We talked many times over the years about him. I remember going house hunting and picking out which room would be Logan's, etc. Of course, we talked about our future daughter as well, but she had many different names over the years. I think we finally decided on Olivia because it flowed so well with Logan. Logan and Abigail just didn't have the same ring to it. I wasn't able to give my son any of the things I wished for him, but I was able to give him the name that we held so dear in our hearts. It's hard to read his name on his grave marker. How did Logan go from being this fictional, future son of ours to our son that has come and gone?

I recently told you about a 24 weeker born recently. Hayden Michael was born in Nebraska and was the great-great nephew of a member at our church. It is with a heavy heart that I tell you that he recently passed away due to a massive brain bleed. My heart aches for his family as I know that loss much too well. Daily I am reminded of what a miracle it is to have Olivia. Please keep this family in your prayers.

Olivia's Cousins - Part Six

Aidan Maccray Snyder, 2 years

Favorite Color: Yellow

Hobbies: Playing cars and trains, playing outside, riding my tricycle and scooter, playing ball, cooking with mom

Favorite Toy(s): Cars and dishes/pretend food

Name one thing that you want to teach Olivia: I want to teach Olivia her ABC’s. (I have already started teaching my brother Kaleb.)

Anything about yourself that you would like to add?
I love the movie Cars and I watch it at least once a day. I know my alphabet and all the letter sounds, and I can count to 15. I am the comedian of the family.

March of Dimes Update

Every Friday I will try to give a sort of progress report on our March for Babies. So far, the following people have joined Olivia and Logan's team:

Shawna, Marilee, Gina and Kerry

We have raised $60 so far. . .well, Kerry has raised $60. . .the rest of us have raised $0. So, Kerry is in the lead. I will try to do something special for the person who raises the most money.

You can help in the following ways:

Click the March for Babies link on the left hand side of the blog and you'll be taken to my personal page. Scroll down to the bottom where it says 'Here's How You Can Help.' You can click Sponsor Me to donate to March of Dimes. Or, you can click Register to Walk to sign up on our team. You'll be given your own personal page to start collecting donations. You can collect donations online or print out a sheet to carry with you. If anyone would like brochures or posters or if you have any questions, please feel free to send me an email.

Thursday, January 24, 2008 - Update

Some days don't we all just need our moms?

Olivia didn't have a very good day today. She was extremely fussy and gassy and just wanted to be held all day long. I couldn't put her down long enough to run to the bathroom. She didn't have a temp and had been satting at 97-100, but I called her pediatrician's office anyway. I just feel like no matter what we do, we can't seem to help her gassiness and her feedings have gotten increasingly worse. We are going to try the soy formula for 2 full weeks. I think something in my diet is causing her problems. With all of the frozen milk that I have, there is no way to determine what I ate on a particular day. We have also determined that she may have oral thrush, which is an overgrowth of yeast. We are starting her on a medication for that tomorrow. Please pray that we see an improvement with these changes.

We also received news that a member of our church family experienced extreme prematurity in her family. Her niece gave birth to a little boy at 24 weeks on January 22nd. I don't have a lot of details right now, but I ask for prayers for this little boy and his family. If Ryan and I can be of any help to this family, please let us know.

I'd better go because Olivia doesn't want to sit in her bouncy seat anymore.

Olivia's Cousins - Part Five

Katie Elizabeth Snyder, 5 years

Favorite Color: Purple (for K-State, of course)

Hobbies: Playing with my dolls and horses, riding horses, playing ball, cooking with mom, beating everyone at Candy Land.

Favorite Toy(s): American Girl Dolls, Horses, and Webkinz

Name one thing that you want to teach Olivia: I want to teach Olivia how to crawl.

Anything about yourself that you would like to add?
I am in Kindergarten this year, I have already lost 5 teeth, and I am very competitive! This spring I want to go to riding lessons again. I am a big helper around the house.

Wednesday, January 23, 2008 - Update

I think I've been feeling a bit better these last few days, although I have my good and bad moments. Instead of focusing on the pain of the last few months, I've been trying to focus on the miracle that is my daughter. Even if I'm never able to have any more children, I will forever feel blessed with such an amazing child.

I've tried to find things that have seemed to improve my mood. . .

1) Sleep. I have always needed more sleep than the average person. I've been that way since I was a child. Instead of trying to change into someone who can function on 4-5 hours of sleep, I've just accepted the fact that I need sleep.

2) My decision to stop pumping. Now, that doesn't mean I've stopped. I think something is hard-wired into me. . . MUST.GO.PUMP. You can't just quit cold turkey at the risk of getting mastitis or something like that. So, I've gradually reduced the frequency of pumping. The problem is that I'm only pumping every 6 hours and I'm getting more milk than ever. I think the stress of knowing I don't have to pump has boosted my supply. Then, Olivia decided last night that she wanted to nurse a bit, so. . .who knows.

3) Getting dressed and ready. I don't do it everyday, but it helps.

4) Online shopping. Okay, so I'm not particularly fond of this one, but I'm so excited to find out what I'll be getting each day. A high-chair one day, a new lamp for Olivia another. . .

5) Car rides. Yesterday the three of us went on a road trip to the Arby's drive-thru.

6) Getting involved with March of Dimes. It's a good feeling to know that I can do something to help other people going through similar situations.

7) Ryan found something that gets Poly-Vi-Sol out of clothes. It was so depressing to watch every one of Olivia's outfits get stained. Nothing seemed to get it out. Ryan stained one of her new blankets and knew I would be upset, so he tried to find something to get it out. . .TECH

http://www.techstainremover.com/

We've been a fan of this for a long time for removing carpet stains. It works wonders for this as well. It even works on old stains that have been run through the washing machine!

Overall, I'm hoping to start feeling a little better each day.

Olivia's Cousins - Part Four

Alex Killian Snyder, 7 years

Favorite Color: Green

Hobbies: Collecting postcards, collecting bugs, playing Nintendo DS, reading, playing golf, Character’s for Christ, Children’s Choir

Favorite Toy: Nintendo DS

Name one thing that you want to teach Olivia: I want to teach Olivia how to play Nintendo DS.

Anything about yourself that you would like to add?
I love Halloween and video games just like my Uncle Ryan. I am in second grade. My favorite subject in school is science. I also love math, keyboarding, reading, and spelling. When I grow up I want to be a scientist on NOVA.

Olivia's Cousins - Part Three

Julia Stoaks Glunt, 7 going on 30

Favorite Color: Blue

Hobbies: Dance, Piano, Photography, C4C (Characters 4 Christ), AΔΩ (Children’s Choir), Performing in Musicals

Favorite Toy(s): New Russian Speaking Doll, Masha

Name one thing that you want to teach Olivia: I want to teach Olivia how to talk.

Monday, January 21, 2008 - Update

You smell kinda funny, Jimmy Skunk.

Yes, Spotty the Turtle. . .you are my BEST friend!

Olivia and her Woodland Creature Friends

My latest idea is a clothing line with the premature baby in mind. Olivia has so many outfits that she is going to outgrow before she can wear them. Most premature babies have a monitor with leads or patches that have cords attached to them. Buttoned footed sleepers provide the best outlet for these cords. Footed pants require the wire to go up her leg and out her back which isn't too bad. Regular pants (with no feet) require socks and those are hard to get on because of the lead on her foot. Zippered sleepers are entirely out because the cord would have to come out by her neck which I would consider a safety hazard. These are probably things that only a mother of a preemie would think of. I'm thinking of cutting little slits in the feet of her zippered sleepers.

Olivia's Cousins - Part Two

Rebekah Northrop Glunt, 5 years

Favorite Color: Pink

Hobbies: Dance (Ballet, Tap), Homeschool Preschool, BSF (Bible Study Fellowship), AΔΩ (Children’s Choir), Performing in Musicals

Favorite Toy(s): American Girl Dolls, Movies, Littlest Pet Shop, Little People, Furryville, My Little Pony

Name one thing that you want to teach Olivia: I want to teach her how to walk to the bathroom.

Sunday, January 20, 2008 - Update

On Saturday I was able to get a lot of things done around the house. When you're forced to be in the house everyday, it's nice to at least have it clean. Thanks to my dad who watched over Olivia, I was able to get some things done. Ryan had to work again all day, but I believe his deadline for work is coming up soon so he may get his weekends back.

If anyone has experience with the March for Babies (previously Walk-America) I would love to hear about it. Also, if anyone has any questions, feel free to email me. One question I have is whether each individual walker must sign up on the team roster or if, for example, a husband can sign up, but both husband and wife can walk. Does anyone know?

Olivia continues to do well. She is smiling a lot more and observing the world around her. She should be over 8 lbs by now, but we'll know her official weight when she gets her third Synagis shot on the 31st. What a big girl!

March of Dimes - March for Babies

March for Babies on the Olivia and Logan Team
April 26, 2008 - 10:00 am
Sedgwick County Park
6300 W 13th Wichita, KS

Help me raise money to help give babies like myself and my twin brother, Logan, 9 full months in the womb. You can donate money OR sign up for the Olivia and Logan team and walk with me and my family on April 26th! - Olivia

http://www.marchforbabies.org/s_team_page.asp?si=C93834B4-8EB3-49E4-AB78-2935E0C31921&SeId=494975

Saturday, January 19, 2008 - Update

Daddy's Little Wildcat

Mommy's Little Princess

After some very deep soul-searching, I've decided to quit pumping. Nursing went well for awhile, but Olivia has a really hard time transitioning from bottle to breast. I tried a nipple shield that makes it more like a bottle, but she just likes to pull it off. At this time, we have to give Olivia her phenobarb mixed in a bottle, so we can't give up her bottles yet. It's just too difficult to keep feeding her and then pump afterwards when she just wants to be held. I need to get rid of some stress and this seems to be one way to alleviate some. I think Olivia would prefer a relaxed mommy over mommy's milk. It's difficult because I really feel that my milk helped save her life as 23 weekers' digestive systems are not ready to handle formula. It also gave her some antibodies that she didn't get in the last trimester. I always want to do what's best for her and I feel proud that I could pump for almost 5 months. We have a freezer and deep freeze full of frozen milk that she'll still get for some time. But, I tell ya. . . .I'm ready to put my pump away and never see it again for as long as I live.

Tummy Time

Olivia's Cousins - Part One

Isabelle Ann Sailing, 5 months

Favorite Color: My mom tells me it's pink

Hobbies: Laying on belly, spitting up, drooling, checking in on Olivia and looking at her pictures, shaking my rattle, drinking baba and eating peas.

Favorite Toy(s): Baby Einstein Gym and Sing-A-Long Stage

Name one thing you want to teach Olivia: Anything. . .I just can't wait to play with her.

Friday, January 18, 2008 - My dream

The other night I had a dream about Logan. He was crawling around the dining room table pushing a little truck. Then, he climbed up on me and kept saying "mamamama." I remember it so vividly. . .it was so real. In my dream, I got him videotaped and when I woke up I had the urge to check the video camera. I just remember wondering why he was older than Olivia. When I woke up and realized it was just a dream, I wasn't upset. I was actually very comforted and felt grateful to see him. Now that I think about it. . .he did look a lot like Lincoln.

I love you Lambie

Olivia must have her lamb with her whenever it's playtime. She loves to watch it sway to the music.

You've gotta love her facial expressions!

Wednesday, January 15, 2008 - Update

Thank you for all of your words of encouragement and suggestions. The last two days have been a little better. I think it is just a combination of many things getting me down and I'm working on ways to make things better. Does the worry ever go away with a micropreemie? I mean, after RSV season is over, I can't see myself just passing her around to people. Are their immune systems ever similar to full term babies? Is it normal to fear the loss of other people in your life after you've lost someone very special to you? I can't imagine my fears being unfounded, but at the same time. . .I can't live in fear forever.

Tuesday, January 15, 2008 Update

Sorry that I haven't gotten a post written until now. I always try to be honest in my posts without delving too far into my personal life. I have just been struggling a bit lately. I am still having problems over Logan's death. I have a fear of losing Olivia and others who mean a lot to me. I am going a little stir crazy because of being cooped up in the house. I haven't really been outside much in months because when Olivia was in the hospital, I went from my garage to the hospital parking garage. I can't get out because public places terrify me. I am afraid of bringing home an illness to Olivia. Plus, I can't hardly bear to be apart from her. I can't spend too much time outside because it's cold and I can't get Olivia out in it. Lack of sleep makes everything a lot worse. Because of all that, I have been struggling and frustrated by not knowing what is wrong. I think everything is catching up to me and I haven't had a chance to really deal with all of it yet. I have decided to get dressed and ready each day even if I don't go anywhere to see if that helps a bit.

Anyway, Rainbows is coming tomorrow afternoon. I believe that it is just to fill out paperwork and then her first evaluation is Feb 6th. I pray that she is developing as she should. I am sure proud of how she's doing. Thanks for listening and your continued prayers.

Sunday, January 13, 2008 - Counting Your Blessings ...

Olivia had fun today impersonating various rock legends.

Elvis. . thank you, thank you very much

Gene Simmons from KISS

Storytime with Mommy

I feel like I have been given the opportunity to raise awareness of not only prematurity, but of infant loss and infertility. Do people understand the intense pain of losing a child? Do people truly understand the pain of infertility? For a second, please think of all of the joys that your children have given you. Those people who suffer with infertility and infant loss are robbed of those joys. I was always taught that I could become anything I wanted to be and found that is not always true if what you wanted to become was a mother. No matter how hard I tried or how much I prayed, it seemed impossible. It didn’t matter that I knew more about the human reproductive system than some medical professionals. As I look ahead, I realize that this is probably my one shot at motherhood and it saddens me that Olivia may not have any siblings . . .at least here on earth. I’m in no way discounting what is possible with God, but I just know how difficult it was for me. I mean, my husband had to give me shots in the stomach. I had weekly doctor visits and had to take progesterone three times a day for the first 13 weeks. I was still only able to carry them until 23 weeks. Not only do I have trouble getting pregnant, but I apparently have difficulty staying pregnant as well. Olivia is truly my dream come true. I still know so many people struggling with their journey to motherhood and I’ll never forget how hard that lonely journey is. A simple baby shower or another baby blessed to someone else was enough to send me into a depression. I think it’s so important to take time in our lives to appreciate the joys that we have, but to also acknowledge those people who struggle to have those same joys. . .whatever they may be. Open your arms and your hearts to them as you have done the past few months to me. I couldn’t have made it through myself without God and the kindness of people like all of you.

Sunday, January 13, 2008 - RSV

I know I talk a lot about RSV, so I thought I would provide some additional information. This year, the Wichita area is one of the hardest hit in the nation. (Of all years and of all places.)

http://www.rsvprotection.com/what_is/what_is.aspx

Saturday, January 12, 2008 - Update

I often wonder why God allows babies to be born so prematurely. They are His children. . .why doesn’t he want to give them the best start at life? I have come to realize that the lives of babies born prematurely strengthen the faith of everyone who knows them. I don’t know how Olivia’s premature birth will affect her life or what issues she will face. I know that she is without her twin brother because of it. As painful as the last few months have been, one can’t just forget about everything and expect premature babies to become like full term babies. You don’t magically get those 17 weeks back. I love Olivia just as she is. That is why I dislike it when people talk about when premature babies should “catch up?” Why should she have to catch up to full term babies born when she was? They started off on different playing fields. She is going to be on her own timetable and I want her to always be proud of her accomplishments. I’ll never know why things happened the way they did, but God has definitely used her and Logan in miraculous ways.

I think Olivia is having a growth spurt right now. She has taken two bottles today that were over 100 ccs. We’ve started putting her in size 1 diapers instead of newborns and she has begun wearing 0-3 month outfits (although they are still a little big.) She’s also smiling a lot more and has begun finding her voice. She grows more beautiful every day

Friday, January 11, 2008 - Update

I would like to say Happy Anniversary to my parents who met on a blind date 39 years ago today. They were set up, my brother and his wife were set up, Ryan and I were set up. . . .I guess we’re unable to find our own spouses. That’s okay because I couldn’t have picked anyone better myself. I also couldn’t ask for better parents and am truly grateful for all they have done for me. I can only hope that someday Olivia will say the same thing about her mom and dad.

Today my rats and I took a trip to the vet and didn’t get very good news. My sweet little rat has an infection around her eye and we are unsure of the cause. We started her on an antibiotic in hopes that will clear the infection. They started talking about tumors and eye removal surgery and I just don’t know how much I can endure. . . . both emotionally, physically and financially. We’ve had a guinea pig go through kidney failure and another with an abscess behind her eye. That was when we had two incomes and didn’t have any children to think about. Debbie, who works at the vet, shares my love of rats and I always enjoy visiting with her. My rats weighed 298 and 320 grams respectively. It really put it in perspective for Debbie when I told her that Olivia weighed 498 grams at birth.

The good news of the day is that I don’t think I’m catching a cold as I feel a lot better today. I don’t know what the cause was. Ryan sent me to bed at 10 pm last night because, as he says, I was “hanging by a thread.” I’m doing better today as I hope all of you are too.

Please keep Kinnick and Carver in your prayers as they are back in Detroit having surgery to help save their vision. I know it’s been very stressful for them and their family and I ask for continuous prayers for all of them

Thursday, January 10, 2008 - Update

Today was supposed to be a nice enjoyable day for me. Ryan’s mom came over to watch Olivia while I went out and ran some errands. I actually did my hair, got dressed and everything. I had to go to the post office, return some Christmas items and visit Logan’s grave. I also stopped by the bank to open a savings account for Olivia (before her dad and I spent some of her Christmas money.) Well, I got to the bank and they asked for her social security number. I rattled it off and they questioned if it was accurate. I called Ryan to confirm it. . .maybe I didn’t memorize it as well as I thought. I was, however, correct and the guy at the bank then tells me he shows that number was issued in 2006. Basically, it seems someone else has that number. Ryan later called the social security office to confirm her number and they show it issued only to Olivia. Maybe this is just a tiny glitch, but I’m hoping it doesn’t turn into a huge issue. I don’t want someone else out there using her number. I now have to go back to the bank with her social security card and have the bank call the social security office. Maybe it was a blessing that we went to open the savings account because otherwise this issue would have never been brought to our attention. I hope it gets resolved quickly.

I finally got home and went downstairs to check on my little furry babies. I noticed one of my rat’s eyes has discharge and is really swollen. This scares me because last year one of our guinea pigs had an abscess behind her eye and had to have her eye removed. The fluid kept building up and they had to keep re-opening the incision to drain it. During her third surgery, she didn’t wake up from the anesthesia. I know that the great lengths we go to help our animals may sound silly to some, but that is just who I am. Lucy (my other rat) and her are the very best of friends and if something happened to one of them, the other one would be devastated. Rats are very social creatures. So, my poor rat has a vet appt tomorrow which means Ryan’s mom has to come over to watch Olivia. To top off my day, I feel as if I might be catching a cold. . .and this terrifies me. We’ve tried so very hard to keep Olivia safe and healthy. I don’t know what to do. . .I have to be here to take care of her. I have just been washing my hands very thoroughly (but, I’ve always done that) and I haven’t been getting too cuddly with her. Please pray that I’m not getting sick and this is only allergies. I’m just a wreck over this.

The one good thing to report is that Olivia slept last night from midnight to 5 am. . .by herself. . .in her crib. I was so very proud of her and hope the trend continues. Please pray that tomorrow is a little better day for me.

Wednesday, January 9, 2008 - Update

Izzy


Olivia got to spend some special time with grandma today and I’m so grateful to Ryan’s mom for helping us out. Last night, Olivia and I worked on sleeping in her crib. After her feeding, I put her in her crib and she seemed to do okay as long as she had her night-light (to see that baby in the mirror) and her pacifier. The problem is that sometimes she starts sucking so aggressively that her pacifier comes out. I wait a few seconds. . .and then she cries so I get up and put it back in. It went on like this for about 2 hours. Finally, it was time for her to eat again, so I turned on the light and left to get a bottle ready for her. When I came back, she was fast asleep. It was then that I realized it was a bit chilly in our house. We had this trouble a few days ago, so I had to go in and wake Ryan up at 2:00 am to fix it. (I’m clueless when it comes to anything like that.) He got the heat going again and today we had our heating and cooling guy come out (Kirk’s Comfort Air. . . .I highly recommend them) and hopefully we don’t have any problems anymore. Anyway, so Olivia slept until almost 5:00 am in her crib by herself. We have, like the latest commenter suggested, placed her on her tummy to sleep from time to time. I know that’s a big no-no, but we only do it when she’s hooked up to the monitor. She likes to sleep with her face laying on her hands and she just can’t do that on her back. Also, when she’s sleeping she likes her arms tucked in, but she wants them out the second that she wakes up. Boy, does she get angry when she can’t find her arms!

I don’t have any pictures of Olivia today, so I thought I would leave you with a few pictures of Olivia’s adorable cousin, Izzy.

Tuesday, January 8, 2008 - Update

I don’t have too much time to write tonight. Olivia is doing well, but we’re finding it hard to get her to sleep in her crib. I think she’s getting a little too used to sleeping with me at night. This is not allowing me to sleep at night and undoing all of my chiropractor’s hard work. (I can only sleep in a chair for so long.) It’s hard because if I could, I would hold her every second of every day. We’re struggling with this right now.

We also found out that Logan’s marker finally came in. We ordered it in October and it took a lot longer than the 6-8 weeks we were told. We go in Saturday to review it and they should have it out by next week. Finally. . .I’ve hated not having anything for him.

Monday, January 7, 2008 - Update

Sleeping Baby Bear


Olivia and I were able to go on another stroller ride today. I can’t get enough of this 60 degree weather. I don’t think she made it to the end of the driveway before she fell fast asleep. Unfortunately, the cold weather is coming back tomorrow.

Some days it seems I just stare at Olivia in amazement and can’t believe she is really mine. It took me awhile for my pregnancy to really sink in. I couldn’t believe that I finally got pregnant. When you give birth at 23 weeks, your baby doesn’t cry. . .at least Olivia didn’t. A roomful of people and you’ve never heard such deafening silence. I only caught her moving out of the corner of my eye before they whisked her away. I thought I had lost her. After Logan died, I thought I had lost her again. There is something about losing a child that leaves you with a sense of uneasiness. If something so awful can happen to you once in this life, you start to think anything can happen. It’s an uneasiness that I don’t think will ever go away. God doesn’t ever guarantee that our lives will be easy. He never guarantees our life on earth, but for those who believe in Him. . .He gives us the promise of eternity.

I’m happy to report that Olivia is breastfeeding successfully after many unsuccessful attempts. . . .and she loves it. I’m afraid that she is going to start refusing bottles all together. She even makes a point to stop and grin while nursing, with milk running down her cheek. I want to make sure that she is getting enough and not knowing how much she’s getting is driving me crazy. I’m so worried about it. Wish us luck on this new endeavor as this could help with her gas pains and fussiness while eating. My parents came over and helped us take the Christmas stuff down today and also held her while we trimmed our guinea pigs’ nails. Eighty four nails had to be cut, but they willingly let us do it. I guess after being way over-do, they welcome it (they are supposed to be cut every 6 weeks and I think we’ve trimmed them once since Olivia was born.)

Anyway, it was a beautiful day outside and we just had to get out and enjoy it. So, Olivia took her first stroller ride! We had to borrow my parents’ stroller because all we have is a double stroller and an umbrella stroller (she’s not quite big enough for that one yet.) She was able to hear dogs barking and geese quacking and feel the sun shining, etc. Do you know how long it’s been since I took a leisurely stroll outside? It was wonderful! I pray for many more days like this.